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‘I am home,’ she insists.
‘Nope, still at the bar I’m afraid.’
She squints at her surroundings before her pupils flit between me and Joe, whose presence I am very aware of behind me.
‘OHMYGOD Joe and Sophie! I think seeing you two getting hot and heavy on the dancefloor made me pass out?’
I look over my shoulder and Joe’s face is unreadable.
‘I’m very drunk,’ she says.
‘I know.’ I stroke her head and grab a glass of water. ‘Do you want to try sitting up?’
‘I prefer the floor. Though my boobs are solid as a rock, Sophie. I’m going to have to pump and dump. That punch is lethal,’ she hiccups.
It is at this point most of the group decide to leave, with Celeste hopping into an Uber with Tally. Joe seems to have recovered from whatever the heck just happened and returns to his adorable drunken self. Maybe that’s all it is, I tell myself. I’m the sober one in this situation. He’ll probably have forgotten about the kiss by tomorrow morning. Meanwhile I will have to have a stern word with myself about not getting roped into doing that again. I like Joe too much to muddy the waters and I’m worried about how easily I could have fallen further into that kiss. I liked the feel of Joe’s lips on mine a bit too much, which is categorically not part of the plan. Anyway, Joe probably does this sort of thing all the time. I know he said he hadn’t dated but I never specifically asked about random hook-ups. Maybe he kisses a lot of women? Which is fine, I remind myself. I’m very much not here to be bothered by romantic feelings. Christ knows I’ve got enough on my plate! I turn my attention back to shoving a frankly lairy Joe and Frankie into the back seat of my car.
‘Hate to be a killjoy but there will be absolutely no vomiting in the back there,’ I say firmly. This Mini was one of the first things I treated myself to once my business was up and running and I love it a lot.
‘Spish-us-ly clean in here,’ Frankie says accusingly. ‘D’you have a child or not?’
‘Lila sits up front.’ I pat the car seat fixed in place next to me. ‘I’m sure I can dig out a few old raisins from her car seat if you’d like to feel more at home.’
‘I am actually quite peckish,’ Frankie replies.
‘Oh me too,’ enthuses Joe. ‘Drive-through?’
‘Absolutely not!’
‘Spoil sport,’ he grumbles.
‘Drive-through, drive-through, drive-through,’ Frankie starts up a chant. Joe joins in. Is this what it’s going to be like when Lila is a teenager? A whirring noise interrupts my thoughts. Brr. Brr. Brr. Please tell me Mini isn’t breaking down, I panic. She is getting quite old now.
‘Guys, can you hear that?’ I call out over their chanting.
Brr. Brr. Brr.
‘I’m expressing myself,’ Frankie shouts back.
‘All right, don’t get grumpy!’ I reply. ‘I was only wondering if you can hear that buzzing noise.’
‘YES,’ sighs Frankie, exasperated. She signals to me in the rear-view mirror. ‘I’m expressing myself.’
I glance behind to see that she is, in fact, hooked up to her portable breast pump while Joe looks determinedly out of the other window. I burst out laughing and it’s not long before the three of us are trying to hum a tune to match the sound of Frankie’s boob pump.
‘Much better,’ says Frankie as I indicate to turn off at the next McDonald’s. Attempting to put in an order with two drunkards shouting things like nuggets, burgers and extra fries at me from the back seat isn’t the easiest, but at least the food keeps them quiet for the rest of the journey home.
‘Thaz love,’ Frankie slurs as we reach her house.
‘Beg your pardon?’ I ask.
‘Stopping for a takeaway because Joe was hungry. That’s LOVE! You don’t seem like the sort of woman who allows fried foods to be consumed in the back of her car, normally.’
Joe snorts at this. I catch his eye in my rear-view mirror and he gives me a look that dives deep into my soul.
‘I’m not normally big on people expressing breast milk in my car, either,’ I retort, shaking my head to rid myself of strange Joe thoughts.
‘D’you want to keep some of this?’ Frankie asks hopefully, handing a still-warm cup of breastmilk to Joe. ‘Too boozy for baby Helen but I’m sure it’ll be fine for you guys on cereal or coffee. Or juz as a little midnight drink?’
