AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Like I want to be sick. I feel like I’d finally started to get everything sorted, you know? Work’s good, Lila’s happy, I’ve made friends with the school mums, I’ve met you …’ Don’t dwell on that one, for gawd’s sake! ‘And now he’s come along and pulled the rug from under my feet.’
‘I get that,’ says Joe in that soft tone of his, the one that makes me feel like he’s really been listening to me.
‘He offered me a job at my old business as well. I don’t know whether to be offended or interested. That’s the thing, Mark did seem softer than the man I remember.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah, it was weird,’ I say, suddenly everything pouring out. Joe has that effect, I realise. I feel so comfortable around him that I could share anything. ‘The job thing I can handle, that’s a simple business decision at the end of the day and I’ll figure it out. But the fact that he wants to see Lila is messing with my head. I can’t make that decision selfishly, just because I don’t like him, can I? I have to put Lila first and maybe she would be better off if she had a father figure in her life.’
Joe sniffs and it’s hard to tell what he’s really thinking when we’re not face to face.
‘There’s a lot of big questions for you, Sophie. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.’ A pause. ‘It’s odd that he’s done a complete one-eighty, from not wanting a kid at all to now wanting to meet her. Did he say why?’
‘Just that now he’s grown up and realised he was “too hasty” to walk away from being a dad.’
‘Wow.’
‘Yeah. He said it was his one big regret in life.’
‘Hmm. Well, like you say, you have to base this decision on Lila. Maybe he has changed. Five years is a long time, you know?’
I do know, but I find myself oddly disappointed to hear Joe being so rational about this.
‘You’re right. Maybe he does deserve a chance to be a father.’
I swear I hear Joe suck in his breath at that.
‘Maybe. And, look, just so you know, I would hate to get in the way of that,’ he says.
This pulls me up. Joe wouldn’t get in the way of anything. Joe’s great!
‘What? No! You wouldn’t get in the way …’
‘Your ex is here and he wants his family back. I totally understand. Family means everything to me too.’ I can hear in his voice the pain he still carries over losing Claire and my heart breaks clean in half for him.
I want to reassure him. ‘No, Joe—’ I start to say.
But he interrupts. ‘Actually, Sophie, I’d better go. I can see my mum pulling up with Sid outside. I’m here to talk if you ever need a sounding board, okay? And I hope things work out with Mark.’
With that he hangs up. Hangs up!
And I’m left feeling even more tangled up. My head’s so scrambled that I sit staring at the wet, sudsy clothes churning in the washing machine until it’s time to pick Lila up from school.
Chapter 24
I spend the next few weeks diving head-first into work and motherhood and honestly, I do actually wonder how people fit anything else in. Other than a very quick coffee with Frankie after drop-off one morning, I haven’t seen any of the school parents outside St Barnaby’s gates and we’re into May already. Not even Joe. I miss him terribly, but he seems so busy. I did the Thursday pick-up a couple of weeks ago and when I suggested the diner for us all like the first time we had pizza, he said he had too much work because it was exam time. Last week I texted about a general meet-up and he said he was supervising dissertations which meant he was too busy. It’s never nice to feel like you’re pestering your friends into hanging out with you, so for now I’m letting it go. In truth, channelling my time and energy into work has felt restorative. Cold, hard facts is how I like it, and that’s exactly what I get from work. We’re now days away from launching Alec and Arnaud’s website, which looks incredible, and meanwhile the seed of a brand new business idea has now fully taken root.
Today, I’m acting on it! I’m standing outside Joe’s parents’ house with my notebook and laptop.
‘Hello, love.’ Denise beams. ‘Come on in. Will you have a brew?’
‘Yes, please,’ I say. ‘Thank you for agreeing to see me today.’
‘Don’t be daft, it’s always lovely to see you.’ She laughs and steers me into the kitchen.
I watch her pour us both a cup of tea and try not to think about Joe’s thoughts on my tea-making. Try not to think about Joe full stop. It’s not easy. I’m beginning to suspect that he was my best friend, perhaps the best friend that I’ve ever had. I keep wondering if he really is as busy as he says at work, or if The Kiss has messed things up.
‘We haven’t seen so much of you recently.’
