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‘It’s been a while. I feel like you’ve been up and down to York a fair bit. How is work? How are you?’
‘I’d rather not talk about work if it’s all the same with you.’
‘Oh, sure,’ I reply, a bit surprised. He has never said that before. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Yeah it’s just busy and, I dunno, I’ve got some big decisions to make,’ he sighs.
‘Well, I hate to brag, but I’m very good at helping people make decisions.’
He sucks his breath in.
‘I appreciate that but I think I need to wrap my head around this one on my own.’
‘Okay.’ I nod. ‘Just … I am here for you, Joe. You do know that?’
He doesn’t answer that, but instead makes a noncommittal noise. I start to peel the label on my beer bottle.
He seems to be stifling all chance of an actual conversation so I cut to the chase.
‘I just wondered if you still wanted to come to that wedding I invited you to. It’s pretty obvious you’re avoiding me, so I didn’t know …’ I shrug, exasperated. ‘Things seemed to be all right by the time we finished that dinner, or at least I thought we might be back on track, but you’ve gone weird and quiet on me again. We’re meant to be mates and yet I get the distinct impression that you’re keeping something from me.’
‘Oh,’ Joe laughs mirthlessly, ‘that is rich coming from you.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Jesus, Sophie. You think I’m holding something back? Take a look in the mirror! You don’t let anyone in. You’re like this castle under lock and key, and the only people who gain access are your family. Like, I’m here! I’ve been here, leaning up against those castle walls for fucking ages and I’m lucky if you crack open a window for me.’
‘Are you kidding?’ I cry, so stung that I can feel tears welling. ‘I haven’t kept you at a distance. Right now I’m the only one who’s trying here! Are you only interested in me when you think you’re going to get laid, is that what it is?’
Joe lets out an audible gasp and I instantly regret what I said.
‘That is catastrophically inaccurate,’ he says, wounded but also cross.
I should apologise. Tell him I didn’t mean that. But I feel so backed up against a wall, so hurt by all this bullshit that it’s come down to fight or flight mode. And today, I’m choosing to fight.
‘Well then, what is it?’ I say angrily. ‘Because you’ve completely shut down on me. Christ knows I could do with a friend right now. There’s so much going on and I need you, your friendship, and you haven’t been there. You’ve been a shit mate.’
If I was hoping to feel good about that, then I was sadly mistaken. The wounded look on his face hits me like a sucker punch.
But I’m far too stubborn to take it back.
‘Maybe that’s because we’re not friends?’ he says, rubbing a hand across his jaw.
‘Why would you say that?’
‘I don’t think we’re meant to be friends, Sophie. I just … I’m not sure I can do it.’
My head is spinning.
‘You’re my best friend,’ I whisper. ‘Or at least I thought you were. I think I’d better go.’
‘Sophie,’ Joe exhales, looking torn.
But I just gather my stuff and leave. I can’t believe I’ve made such a fool of myself.
Chapter 27
It’s another full week before Mark replies.
