AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘She’s adorable.’ I beam at the little squish. ‘But also, no. I’ve always felt so lucky to have Lila. I can’t imagine the dynamic if I had another kid. Plus, you know, I just don’t want to.’
‘God, your vagina must so shiny and new by now,’ Frankie says wistfully.
‘What are we talking about?’ Tally bounds over in a beautiful print dress, her hair cascading over her shoulders.
‘Sophie’s vagina,’ Frankie says.
I go with it.
‘I assume it’s a bit like what happens to your liver if you give up booze? Kind of rebuilding itself after birth. Five years down the line and your vagina must be almost pristine again.’
‘That’s actually not how it works,’ butts in Mel, ever the voice of reason, as she settles next to us on the mat with a mug of coffee.
‘Let me have my dreams,’ Frankie says, staring off into the middle distance. ‘When I gave birth to Helen, Dave said it was like watching his favourite pub burn down.’
‘Well, that’s incredibly rude,’ I protest on her behalf.
Frankie shrugs. ‘I can’t even sneeze without peeing now.’
‘Are you taking your supplements?’ Tally asks. ‘I’ve been on ashwagandha since Margot arrived and I swear by it. I light my vagina candle every time I have a bath and then my other recommendation is, of course, regular yoni steaming.’
Mel looks exasperated.
‘Ash-wa-what?’ Frankie mutters.
‘What’s a vagina candle?’ I ask.
‘“Yoni steaming”,’ tuts Mel, making air quotes with her fingers.
‘Ye of little faith. It’s a restorative herb,’ Tally explains. ‘You know, I really think I ought to do a post on this. “How to give your vag some tlc”. I’ll send you guys the link once it’s up,’ she says, skipping off to stop Margot from upending a bowl of Wotsits over her all-white outfit.
‘Mummy, that was the best party EVER,’ Lila says, wrapping her little arms around my waist and smushing chocolate cake into my jeans. ‘Bye, Auntie Poppy. Where are you going?’
‘I’ve got one of my Romantic poetry nights tonight and Adam’s going to help me set up,’ she replies.
Adam looks like a man resigned to his fate.
‘Honestly,’ says Mum as the two of them head off. ‘He’s been entertaining her niece all day and now he’s hosting a do for her at his flat? What a guy. Speaking of which, doesn’t Joe look handsome today?’
The woman is unstoppable. I turn my attention to waving goodbye to the last of the party guests. The church hall seems extremely quiet now that everyone has left. It does mean that Sidney has plenty of space to show off his transformation into an alicorn, though. He’s borrowed Lila’s butterfly wings and Adam made him his own unicorn head-dress out of balloons so he is now cantering around the room. Then Lila realises they have the bouncy castle to themselves and while we tidy up, they go off together to make the most of it.
With both sets of parents helping, we make great progress in next to no time, and there’s not that much left to do when I sense that Joe has joined me in the small kitchen, the warmth of his presence right behind me.
‘Sophie, I wanted to have a quick chat about something. How would you feel if I ask the parents to take the kids back?’
I was right. Here it comes. How are we going to do it? Plan a big faux-fight? Post matching messages? Or just announce it at the school gates? It makes me feel a bit sick to have to lie to everyone again, but it was always the plan I suppose, so I have to steel myself.
But I don’t turn around from washing up the last few mugs in the sink. ‘Oh. Um … yeah, of course,’ I say.
Chapter 28
I am a frazzled shell of my former self to be honest, and I’d quite like to go home and lie down on my sofa.
‘It was a great party, Sophie. You did good.’
I’ve just finished sweeping the floor (again) and I think that is the final job. I pack the broom away into the cupboard and see that Joe has taken two chairs from a stack and is taking a seat in one.
‘Here, take a load off,’ he offers.
