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Jacks didn’t look like he believed me, but he nodded.
What he said, and thought, didn’t fucking matter.
In fact, it didn’t matter what anyone said or thought. I still wanted Kennedy. I still loved her and I didn’t give a fuck if it was “wrong” to want her.
But desiring and actually acting on what I wanted were two very different things.
And the last thing I wanted to do was put Kennedy in a position that made her feel uncomfortable and awkward. And your step-cousin saying he loved you would probably do just that.
Chapter Four
Kennedy
When I was in the water I felt free, weightless. It was like I was in my own world, the water surrounding me, pushing me.
I liked doing laps because I could think, could let my mind wander as I pushed myself harder and faster through the water.
It was one of the only times I was able to just focus on the here and now. I didn’t worry about grades or finals. I didn’t worry about making my father proud.
But the one thing I couldn’t get away from, the one thing that was with me always, was the thought of Roman and all the things I wanted with him.
I pumped my arms faster, the water being pushed out of my way as I propelled myself forward. My fingertips touched the wall of the pool and I flipped, bracing my feet on it and pushing myself off, gliding through the water until I started moving my arms and legs again.
When I got to the other side, I stopped, emerging from the water and taking in a deep breath. This rush filled me as the adrenaline in my body peaked.
I climbed out of the pool and sat on the edge, taking a second to just catch my breath. I pulled my goggles off and set them to the side, then went for my swim cap. The latter was the only thing I hated about swimming. The damn thing felt like it was cutting off oxygen to my head.
There were a few swimmers in the lanes to my right, but other than that it was a pretty slow day. Just the way I liked it.
Even though I liked to run, did it daily if I could, running didn’t give me the same freedom as I felt when I swam.
“Hey.”
I looked up and to my left when I heard Isaac’s deep voice. “Hey back.”
He was all set to swim, with his university regulation swim cap on, his goggles resting against his forehead, and his Speedo showing off every single hard, toned inch of him.
Isaac had been my friend for the last two years, someone who had always been there for me to talk to, feel comfortable around. He didn’t judge me for my lack of social interaction and popularity, and although we came from different tiers of society, him coming from a very well-off family, his father the owner of several large corporations in the state, and me at the bottom of that pole more or less, we still hit it off right away.
When I’d first moved here, I hadn’t known anyone. But Isaac had been there to take me under his wing despite the protests from his friends. Because, who in the hell wanted to hang out with the new girl who looked like the school geek?
But he hadn’t cared about any of that. He was a good guy, sweet and understanding, and didn’t care that I spent a lot of time in the library with my nose in a book. Usually he was right there with me.
He was the whole package, personality, swagger, looks, and a genuinely decent guy. He was also gay, which was something no one else knew aside from me. His fear of admitting that to anyone, of coming out to his family and friends, had him pretending to be someone he wasn’t, and I knew he loathed it, hated pretending.
And I hated that for him. I wished he could be honest with the people who should have supported him the most.
On the heels of that, I also felt like the worst friend, given the fact he’d trusted me with his deepest secret, yet I couldn’t admit how I felt about Roman to him.
“Are you done for the day?” he asked as he stopped a few feet from me.
I grabbed my cap and goggles and stood, walking over to the bleachers and taking one of the towels that lay across it. “Yeah, spent the last half hour doing laps. I have to get home and study for midterms.” After drying myself off, I wrapped the towel around my waist and secured the edge at my hip. I faced him and smiled. “But you’re more than welcome to be my study buddy if you want.” I lifted a brow, already knowing he would decline.
