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He snorted. “If it’s for trig, count me out. You know that’s like a foreign language to me.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, it’s for trigonometry. And if I’m being honest, that class is like me trying to look over stereo instructions in German. It’s just not getting through. I’ll be lucky if I pass by the skin of my teeth.”
We stood there for a moment, and I knew I wanted to talk to him about Roman, but I was also afraid. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Isaac, but more so that I didn’t trust myself and my emotions where Roman was concerned.
“Hey, are you okay?” Isaac knitted his brows, looking concerned.
“I…” I looked away, watched a couple of swimmers making laps. “Can I ask you something on a personal level?” I glanced back over at him and saw him lift an eyebrow, the curious expression on his face making me even more nervous. I didn’t know why I felt this way. This was Isaac, a guy I could talk to about anything, but I felt where Roman was concerned it was something I wanted to keep close.
I wasn’t ashamed, but fear of judgment held me back. And I hated that.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” I felt like he could see my apprehension, hesitation and that it hurt him.
“I know, it’s just…” I breathed out, about to just say the words openly for the first time. “If you really liked someone, but you were afraid of what others would think, that being with that person would be considered wrong, almost taboo, would you go for it or keep how you felt a secret?” As I said those words out loud to Isaac, I realized how true they rang for him as well. In that moment, as the words hung between us, I felt guilty for not opening up to him sooner.
“Well, you see where I stand on that, given the fact I can’t talk to anyone but you about, well, you know what.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “But if I were to find someone I really cared about, loved even, I would risk anything to be with them. I truly believe that happiness is important no matter what.” He smirked. “But they’d have to be pretty special for me to come out before I was really ready to.” He chuckled softly.
I nodded and looked down at my bare feet, my toenails painted the same peachy color as my fingernails. I don’t know why I bothered primping myself. I wouldn’t be considered a girly girl by any means, but painting my nails was a guilty pleasure I liked doing, even if no one ever noticed but me.
“Hey,” he said softly. I glanced up at him. “I know I’ve said this many times before, but you really can trust me.”
“I know,” I said softly. “I guess saying it out loud is kind of scary.”
He gave me a sad smile. “Believe me, I know.” He reached out and pushed a strand of hair off my shoulder in a comforting gesture.
I smiled and reached out to give him a hug. “Thanks for letting me unload … kind of.” He chuckled and I pulled away.
“Maybe you’ll tell me all about who this mystery guy is that’s got you all in knots.”
I nodded, feeling my cheeks heat, knowing my face was probably red. Right now wasn’t the time for this. I couldn’t tell Isaac just yet, not until I fully understood what was going on.
He got this understanding expression on his face.
“Listen, I’m the last person who would ever judge you. And if you’re not ready to tell me, I’m cool with that. I’m always here for whenever you are. But for you to be burdened with how you feel for someone and keeping it a secret tells me you must really care for him.”
I nodded right away, knowing Isaac would understand, even if I couldn’t be totally honest with him.
“All I can say is be honest with yourself and him, whoever this mystery guy is. It’s not like you’re committing some mortal sin.” He chuckled at the look I gave him, because the truth was our family might very well see this as a sin. “All I’m saying is if you never say anything, even if rejection is a possibility, then you’ll regret it forever.”
I knew he was right, but even with the threat that our families would be pissed, that society itself would look down on a relationship we had—maybe—what scared me the most was me confessing how I felt and Roman rejecting me.
A broken heart was a scary thing to possibly look forward to.
Chapter Five
Kennedy
“Please don’t do this to me now,” I whispered, hearing my car make this weird noise, then seeing smoke rise out from the engine. I looked down at my dashboard, saw the temperature gauge spike to hot, and started freaking out. “Dammit.”
