Page 275 of This Woman Forever

“You want to feed the ducks?” I ask, carrying her down to the edge of the water, soon getting caught up in the swarms of ducks flapping around, greedy for the seeds she’s dropped. She laughs her little arse off, delighted. I can’t take my eyes off her.

Heaven is where you want it to be.

I breathe in, turning when I hear footsteps behind me.

Jake.

“There you are,” he says.

“I found Daddy,” Rosie replies, wriggling out of my hold. I reluctantly lower her to her feet and watch, stunned, as she starts clapping her hands, stomping through the crowd of ducks.

Jake passes me, chasing after her. “Come on, Rosie, we have to go.”

Go?

“Where?” I call, following Jake down to the water. “I just got here.” I reach for my chest, pressing my hand into it. Beating. Hard. Jake passes me, now with Rosie on his shoulders. “Jake, wait,” I call, and he turns, walking backward, Rosie’s little palms resting on his forehead, her legs dangling down his front. And he doesn’t say a word.

They’re fading.

No.

Fading.

Please, no.

Then, the very second before they disappear, he smiles. “Love you, bro,” he calls.

And Rosie waves, yelling, “Bye, Daddy!”

Fuck. “Love you both,” I whisper over my devastation, going after them, but as I reach the railings, something emerges from the haze where Rosie and Jacob just vanished.

Ava.

I come to an alarmed stop, my heart going wild in my chest as she walks toward me, her smile falling when she spots me. I must look like I’ve seen a ghost. I rake a hand through my hair, hot, clammy. She’s holding Maddie in one hand, Jacob in the other.

“Daddy!” they yell, trying to come at me, but Ava holds onto them as I let out another whimper, and this time it’s one of relief as I take in my wife and kids.

“What are you doing on that side of the railing?” Ava asks, frowning as she takes me in from top to toe, worried.

“I...” I exhale, laughing under my breath, looking back to the edge of the water. There’s a mad feeding frenzy happening, the ground littered with seed. I look down at my hand clasping the empty packet of bird feed. “I was feeding the ducks,” I say quietly, returning my attention to Ava. She looks charmed. Maybe a little knowing.

I put myself on the right side of the fence and crouch, collecting the kids up, one in each arm. I look between them. Miracles. “Ready to go home?” I ask.

It’s a Daddy Sandwich as they both hug my head and I go to Ava, seeing she’s quietly curious still. I bend, letting her drop a kiss on my lips. “Your keys and phone,” she says, pulling them out of her handbag. “You left them on the table in the restaurant.”

I did?

“You did,” she muses, as we start walking out of the park. “What happened?” she asks, eyes on me as Maddie and Jacob slap my cheeks in time to my steps.

“Nothing happened,” I assure her, lowering the kids to their feet, smiling when they go bombing off across the grass. I put my arm around Ava, bringing her close, watching the twins chasing each other as we wander along behind them.

I look over my shoulder. “Just saying goodbye to someone,” I whisper.

Two someones who have talked me off the ledge and walked alongside me. Helped me get to where I am today. My new normal. My daily happiness.

No more self-loathing and torture.

I look down at Ava tucked into my side, as she looks up at me, smiling her understanding. “I love you,” I whisper, pushing my lips into her hair, breathing in deeply.

“I know,” she murmurs, resting her hand on my chest as we follow the kids. “It’s been a lovely day.”

“Pure bliss, baby,” I reply, smiling.

Forever.

All because of this woman.