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“I was going to reel you in and spit you out after you got rid of your house and your business.” Jason held her gaze and if she weren’t so distrustful of everything he was, she would have been impressed with his strength in the face of dishonor. “Like I thought you did to me. But I was wrong. I know that now. Please forgive me. You’ve got to forgive me.”
Emma hurt so bad that she no longer felt anything at all. Carefully she stood up. “Thanks for telling me everything, Jason.”
“Emma, I—”
Whatever Jason had been about to say froze on his tongue as her frosty eyes met his.
“You win.”
He tried to grab her hand, but she pulled it away. “How long were you planning this?” And then, she said,
“No, I don’t care. I’m just glad I was stupid enough to go along with your plan. I made things easy for you, didn’t I? The girl with stars in her eyes who thought true love was actually going to conquer all.”
“Don’t talk like that, Emma.”
“I’ll talk however I want!” she screamed, losing her extremely tenuous hold on her emotions. “You bastard!”
But as quickly as the hurricane had surfaced it was replaced by another ice age. “We’re even now, aren’t we?” she taunted, knowing she was hurting him, but knowing he’d never hurt as badly as she did right now.
Silently, she dared him to disagree. But he didn’t. And that almost made things worse.
“I was an idiot,” he said. “I should have gotten over you marrying Steven years ago.”
“You know what? I don’t want to hear about what you should have done. All I know is what you did do.
What you would have done if I had let you. My house, my business, my parents. You tried to take them all away from me.”
“I’ll make it up to you.”
She went on as if she didn’t hear him, unable and unwilling to store up any of her hurt, her bitterness.
“I’ve been guilt-ridden over what I did to you for ten years. Ten goddamn years. And I’m sorry for the way I dumped you. I was a thoughtless, spoiled bitch. You should have been angry with me. A real man would have been angry. Why couldn’t you have been honest about it? Told me what you actually thought of me? Instead of playing games with me. With my entire life.”
Feeling as if she were seeing Jason for the first time, she said, “You know something else I just realized?
What you’ve made me see? You and Steven are exactly the same. You both thought you could
manipulate me, make me jump around like some wimpy little puppet. And you both succeeded. I hope you have fun slapping each other on the back over a beer sometime soon.”
“Emma, I’m nothing like Steven.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head, “I’m not sure you’re half the man he is. At least he asked me for a divorce, at least he had the common courtesy to actually end our relationship before he screwed me over.
Whereas you were screwing me over the entire time, weren’t you? Every time you touched me. Every single time we—”
No, she couldn’t say it. She couldn’t say “made love.” Not now that she knew how far from the truth those words really were.
“But I love you. You love me.”
Emma laughed, a completely humorless sound. “How could I love you, Jason? I don’t even know who you really are.”
Twenty-Three
Standing alone in his backyard, Jason felt her loss as keenly as he had ten years ago. He still remembered every word that had been spoken in the quad that Easter, the way he’d said,“Tell me this is what you want and I’ll leave you alone,” the way she’d admitted,“This is what I want.”
Courtesy of hindsight, and more than a little maturity, Jason was finally ready to admit that Emma hadn’t actually told him the truth that Sunday afternoon.
She’d told him exactly what he’d wanted to hear, what everyone was pressuring her to say. But she hadn’t ever, at any point, said whatshe really wanted.
But she’d been brave enough to sit in his restaurant and admit that she’d always loved him. That she’d made the wrong choice because there was so much pressure from everyone to be with Steven.
Jason knew he could have fought for her. And that if he had, he probably would have won. Sure, it would have been painful. Ugly too.
But if he’d loved her enough, wouldn’t he have done anything to be with her? Even forgiven her for needing some help, some backup, in dealing with her world? A world that he knew to be as ruthless in its own way as a low-rent back alley. Just because people had money didn’t mean they were kind. More often than not, they grew accustomed to getting their own way. To pushing the weak around to suit their own needs.
He hadn’t wanted to forgive her for the way she’d behaved that day. For the way she’d betrayed him. But hadn’t he practically pushed her into Steven’s arms?
Today, Jason saw everything in a different light. One where he was no longer the good guy, the one who’d been wronged.
In fact, as far as he could tell, he was the one who should have been groveling at Emma’s feet. Because the one time she needed him to be there for her, to reallybe there, he’d bailed out like an insecure, immature fool.
And now that he’d finally been given a chance at redemption his twisted pride had taken him way off course.
Jason wasn’t sure there was a way back into Emma’s heart. All he could do was hope and pray that the third time was the charm.
It was all he had.
“Stop defending him. I don’t want to hear it.”
Kate flopped next to Emma on the bed. “I’m not defending him. I’m just trying to help you see both sides of the story.”
Emma sighed. The thought of going back to her cold, empty house, of looking at theFOR SALE sign and remembering how stupid she’d been to fall for Jason’s lies, hook, line, and sinker, had been more than she could bear. So she was currently holed up in Kate’s house, giving her best friend free reign to pester her with some silly notion of true love.
“I know the way I dumped him for Steven was horrible, Kate. I’ve been living with that for ten years. I was a shallow, weak person.”
“No way. I could never be friends with a loser like that.”
Emma smiled despite herself.
“Look, why don’t you give yourself some points for A, being a kid whose parents were in charge of her whole life and B, finally taking that life back in Napa this past week?” Emma opened her mouth, but Kate shoved a pillow into it. “And then, maybe you could give Jason some points for being hurt and wanting to feel like he was in charge, but thennot actually acting on it because he realized he was being an idiot and that he loved you !”
