Page 44 of Sick Little Devotion

I smile, kissing her lightly, but I don’t say anything else. I don’t have anything to say in the moment that wouldn’t be an argument. So, I choose to be silent as Sara’s breaths deepen and she drifts off into a restless sleep, still naked in my arms. I can’t let her go, and that’s the only thing I think of as she lies there.

I lost her for seven years—and I won’t let it happen again.

My eyes close, and I lean back against the pillow, her body tucked up tightly against mine. This used to be how we always slept. Well, except there were clothes between us. Now, however, there’s nothing keeping us apart. She knows the truth about me—all of it. And she still chose to kiss me. To want me.

I just hope she doesn’t change her mind.

“I love you,” I whisper softly, brushing my lips across her peaceful face. “I’ve always loved you, and I always will.”

The blackness encircles us, thickening around us. I find myself lost in the memories of the past, instead of charmed and caressed by the present.

“I just really want you to take me fishing,” I say, following Will into the garage. “My dad, well, the guy who was gonna be my dad, told me that he would take me fishing.”

Will lights up a cigarette, his beady eyes raking over me. “And why would some guy who ain’t your dad wanna take you fishing, chump?”

“Because he told me he would,” I counter, confusion filling my chest. I didn’t trust most things that adults said, but I had believed him when he told me he would. He never lied to me about anything—well, except coming home. He never came home one day, and nobody told me why. Not until we were at the wake, and the big black casket was closed. It was a car accident, the guy up on the stage declared.

“I hate to break it to you, kid, but you’re not gonna be here much longer.” He gives me a mean looking smile, the kind that the kids who don’t like me give. “Not a soul wants you here.”

“Sara wants me here,” I argue, thinking of the way she had come to my room, crying for her daddy almost every night for the last—I don’t know—a long time.

“She’s just got a weird crush, and so do you. You know it ain’t right to have a crush on your sister.” He takes a step toward me, blowing smoke in my face.

I cough, the stuff burning my lungs. “I ain’t gotta crush.”

“Yeah, you do, and you know what happens to boys who fuck their sisters?” His face widens in a grin that makes my stomach hurt. I back away, stumbling over a couple of mostly empty paint cans. He laughs. “They send you to a guy like me.”

I shake my head. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, but I don’t wanna do nothing to Sara. She’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, right. Well, I bet you need some sense knocked into you, boy.” Holding his cigarette between his lips, he plucks me up and tosses me against the black Mustang parked a few feet away. “I know you been sleeping in the same bed as her—and that shit’s got to stop.”

I hold up my hands to defend myself as his big hand comes down on my shoulder, pinning me to the car. “I’m s-s-sorry… I just… I-I won’t do it no more.”

He bursts into laughter again. “I don’t believe a word you say, chump. And I’m gonna fix it right now.”

My eyelids flutter open immediately, my heart pounding in my chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I sit up, untangling myself from Sara and desperate for air. I haven’t had a nightmare in years, but here they are, back to torture me again.

Maybe I do need to kill him in more places than just my head.

Chapter Twenty-One

SAHARA

Iwake up in the lookout alone, and as I straighten up, I quickly realize that I’m still naked. My face flushes, even though there’s definitely no audience. I scour the room. Grabbing my clothes, I put them on as I go. Once I’m fully dressed, I walk to the wall of windows and peer out across the grounds.

It really is beautiful. The mostly wooded estate is mixed with rolling green meadows. I wrap my arms around myself, not sure how to feel in the moment. My emotions feel dulled, and as much as I feel something for Aiden, I still feel a pull to go home. Especially now that I know the shocking and horrendous things Will is capable of. That revolting sicko.

I need to make sure the girls are okay—and my mom. Even though she has her own struggles with substance abuse, I don’t want her to take the brunt of what’s happened to Ron. And speaking of that, I have no idea how anyone is handling it. I shudder at the thought of Will’s reaction. He has more than likely lost it. He had a borderline mental breakdown when Aiden nearly beat Ron to death…

I can only imagine how he’s handling this. Yikes.

My eyes drop to my bare feet, and as I head for the stairs, my body aches. The sex with Aiden pushed me, but it was… So freaking good. I push my hair from my face as the thought of it turns me on again. No matter what kind of push and pull is going on between us, there will always be an attraction to him. And I don’t know if it’s a good thing.

My bare feet pad softly on the unfinished stairs to the doorway. For a moment, my heart jumps at the notion that I might be locked in—like a princess in a tower. But I’m no princess, and Aiden is most definitely no prince. I reach for the doorknob, and it turns, letting me out into the hallway.

Scanning the area, I search for Aiden, or really for signs of anyone. I always liked the house being empty when I was home, but only when Ron was gone. My stomach knots up again, reminding me that I wasn’t the one who had it the worst. In fact, I couldn’t even complain. Ron might’ve been a creep, but he never laid a hand on me.

Not like Will did to Aiden.