Page 70 of Condemned

Wait. This was it? The big question?

“Tell me this first. Are you still wearing those nose plugs?”

“Yes, I am. This is about my soldiers, not me.”

“Uh-huh.” He still didn’t want her and was that so awful? The other three... she thought this through, played her emotions back to herself. When had she ever been this close to anyone? She guessed she felt more than merely like, for them.

That keeping her line, it wasn’t entirely good. This had to be a compromise, she finally understood that.

How far was she willing to go, what was she willing to give up, to get some form of happiness? She wasn’t sure she could be happy, ever, but maybe this was her chance?

Only yesterday she’d ached to be given this chance, to be asked to stay with them.

They were as mad as she was. The world was as angry at them as it was at her. She massaged her forehead.

“Your answer?”

Her answer? Her heart thudded, slow and sure, as if this were nothing more alarming than breaking into a vault.

“I will say...” She ceased to breathe for a second. “I will say yes. I will stay and I won’t run. I want to be with them. I do. I promise this.”

“Good. Then it’s done. The last agreement, it was temporary, and it was to expire at Omage, and even if you never quite saw it as something enforceable, I did.” He hauled her to her feet, glared down at her. “Mark this, I am trusting you because you were honest before and said you were going to run from Omage. I like plain speaking and honesty. I’m assuming your answer this time is honest also. Do not run from this agreement. More than your ass would suffer.”

Wide-eyed, Avalon nodded. What else would she do with him nearly fire-breathing down at her?

“You know I was envying you. Your friendship with them. I envied you that, but I also care for my soldiers. They are mine, just as you are, even if I don’t fuck you.”

He wouldn’t? Such a pity. He’d told her the truth though. She could see he wore nose plugs. He didn’t want to catch her contagion.

“What you’ve done is not just fucking. I see that now. It’s touch. It’s company. It’s happiness. They have hope and stuff.”

So did she, she realized. And stuff. If only he’d stop going on about it.

He released her hand, rose, and turned to go, then he paused and said, almost to the floor and in a soft voice, “Me, the closer I get to home the more scared I am. And... don’t you repeat that to anyone else.” Takk strode off.

That was jarring.

She ran to catch up.

“Hear me?” He ground that out harshly.

“Yes. But, why?”

“Because.”

“Oh.”

He stopped again, glared. “It’s nothing more than the war beating down on me. It happens when you’ve seen friends torn to shreds in front of you due to them taking a step, one step, in the wrong direction. I love my home and I fear I’m bringing that with me—terrible things. Fear dogs me.”

Fear dogs me.It sounded almost prophetic.

She had asked. Timidly she added, feeling this must not end there, not on that ominous note, “I have always had something terrible around the next corner, all my life really, until I met you and your men.”

There were tears waiting in her eyes at that. She held them back.

Though she followed him, he’d given her a piece of his reality. It mattered.

He’d also hurried her into a decision.

What had she just agreed to?

Maybe the most important decision she would ever make.