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Almost nothing had been added to the room since my first winter break when Dad had given all my things to charity as punishment for blowing my first semester midterms. I never had the urge or need to buy personal stuff again because I knew it could be taken away at any time. And once I'd had a taste of being away at college, I knew without hesitation that I would move out of his house and out of his life the second I graduated.
The empty bed with the old faded quilt I'd pulled from one of the guest rooms sat lonely and cold in the center of the room. I'd spent so much time in the room, trying to avoid any interactions with my dad, that I knew every crack in the plaster wall and every worn spot on the carpet.
I walked over to the wall next to the closet and rubbed my fingers along the shoddy patch work I'd done when I had to fix the hole I made with my fist. I glanced down at my hand and the two slim, white scars on the back of my knuckles. I could still remember that night as if it had just happened. It was that night when it really dawned on me just how fucking nuts my dad was.
7
Thirteen years earlier
I rummaged through my closet, trying to decide which shirt looked the least dorky and gave me the best shot at getting Rebecca out on the dance floor. I wasn't kidding myself. It was the first dance for freshmen, and since the private academy only had twenty-five ninth graders, there were only a few partner choices. And Rebecca was going to be at the top of every guy's dance list.
I pulled out a dark blue shirt and tried to press the wrinkles out with my hand. My bedroom door opened, and Dad walked into the room. He'd spent the entire evening after his long work day on the phone with clients, leaving me to eat dinner alone. Loretta, the housekeeper, had shook her head in dismay as she carried his dinner tray into the office. I always felt small and stupid eating at the twenty foot polished dining table alone, so I picked up my plate and went into the kitchen to eat while Loretta finished up with the dishes. Loretta was the twelfth housekeeper in my life, and aside from, Janine, who had big blue eyes and a heavy accent and who was the focus of my first crush, Loretta was my favorite. Mostly because I could skirt some of my dad's strict rules, like no phones at the table and no picking out the vegetables because I knew Loretta would never tell. She always shook her head and told me I needed to be a boy before I could be a man and that I needed to have more fun. And the school dance was going to be exactly that.
Dad's sideburns were graying heavily, which made him look a lot older, like someone's grandpa. I figured it was because he never rested, and he only slept five hours a night. Anyone would look old if they never slept. "What are you up to, Nash? You forgot to leave me your schoolwork. I need to see the grades you earned today. Pronto."
I put the shirt on the bed and walked over to my school bag. "There was only one test. It was in Language Arts." Language Arts was by far my least favorite subject, but I'd managed to get an A minus. I knew that minus was going to make him mad, but tonight, I didn't care. By this time tomorrow I'd be swinging Rebecca, with her long legs and curly eyelashes, around the dance floor.
Flecks of gray were sprouting up in Dad's bushy brows too. They bunched together like two angry, fuzzy caterpillars. He shoved the paper back at me. "Next time no minus."
I nodded and shoved the disgraced paper back into my school bag. I waited patiently for him to leave. He had seen the grade. It was rare for him to make small talk or ask how the rest of my day went. In fact rare wasn't accurate. He never asked how my day went.
He glanced at the blue shirt I'd pulled out of the closet. "What are you getting dressed for?"
"I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out what to wear to the dance."
Dad looked back at me with his stony expression. "What dance?"
"Tomorrow night is the first freshman dance at the academy."
I observed the slightest nod of his head, and I released my breath. For a quick second, I was sure he was going to forbid me to go.
He headed to the door. "I'm having a business dinner here tomorrow night. I told Loretta you can eat in your room. Then you won't get in the way."
"That's fine. I have a ride to the dance, so Loretta doesn't need to drive me."
"You're not going to the dance. It's a waste of time, and it will only pull your focus away from your studies."
"But, sir, it's the first dance of the year, and my friends will be there."
"No dance." He walked out and snapped the door shut behind him. I stared at the closed door, wanting to erase his last words and assure myself I hadn't heard them. But I had. He'd made it clear in his usual, succinct command style. It was his way of saying don't bother to ask again. No dance. No friends. No Rebecca.
