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Stomach feeling like it was tied in knots, I walked straight out of the Pena household and straight into the woods.
I hadn’t intended to go as far as I did, but once I started walking, I couldn’t stop.
***
Bourne
I should’ve gone after her.
But I had my pride.
She hadn’t called me last night before I’d started drinking.
It’d been hours as I waited for her to call, and she never had.
Which had led me to going out and finding a beer.
Which had then led me to talking to the military recruiter for the Air Force that liked to frequent the bar.
One thing had led to another, and this morning I’d found myself at the recruiter’s office talking to him about stuff that I should’ve very well gone over with Delanie.
Only, I’d still been pissed.
Oh, and I hadn’t stopped drinking.
I’d had a beer the moment that I’d woken this morning.
And, after giving last night a shot, I’d decided that it was time to stop living for everyone else, and instead start living for me.
I loved Delanie.
I loved her a fucking lot.
But what I didn’t love was the fact that I had regrets in life.
That I thought that maybe I should’ve done something differently than what I’d done.
Hence the reason I’d gone to the recruiter’s office this morning after having two beers and signing myself up for the Air Force Reserves without first talking to anyone about it.
One thing led to another, and soon I found myself signing my name on a dotted line that would mean that the Air Force would own my ass for a while.
At least, I admitted to myself, I hadn’t completely gone and signed up.
I’d done it on a temporary basis.
The first months after I left would be hairy.
But I wouldn’t have to go anywhere or do anything unless shit hit the fan, and that would hopefully be never.
“You’re not going to go after her?” Booth asked as he watched me.
I took another bite of the driest meatloaf I’d ever tasted and shrugged.
“Bourne.”
I looked at my father.
“Go.”
I rolled my eyes and stood, but I took the meatloaf with me.
By the time I got out to the front porch, I wasn’t sure why I’d grabbed it.
Tossing it to the floor, I wiped my hands on my jeans and started looking around for the woman that had the ability to break my heart with a few simple words.
But she was nowhere to be seen.
I could hear her, though.
She was loud, and I hoped that she never tried to sneak away because she’d fail.
Heading in the direction of curses and crunching leaves, I found her about a half a mile into the woods, standing at the side of the creek, staring into nothing.
She looked at me over her shoulder and smiled tremulously.
“I don’t know where to cross,” she glared.
I jerked my chin in the direction of a tree I used to cross.
“I usually cross there,” I pointed out.
She walked to it and started to climb her way onto it, and my heart skipped a beat.
Her feet went unsteady for a second, and she was halfway across when she started to tip over the side. Without even intending to follow her, I was on the log and pulling her into my body before I’d even had a chance to realize I wanted to move.
I blew out a shaky breath when she was plastered against me.
“It was only water,” she pointed out, her voice breathless.
“Yeah,” I said. “Tell my heart that.”
She relaxed against me, then her legs seemed to give out, and she started to cry.
“I don’t want you to go.”
That’s when I felt like a complete and total heel.
I should’ve told her about what I wanted to do.
None of this should’ve been done without talking to her first.
I was a complete and utter dumbass.
“I was drunk,” I admitted. “When you didn’t call last night… I shut my phone off and went to a bar.”
She stayed silent as I told her about what I did last night, not saying a word until I was done.
“Do you want to do this?” she wondered.
Exhilaration poured through me.
“More than anything,” I admitted. “I’ve wanted to be in the Air Force Special Ops since as long as I can remember. One of my mom’s brothers had a friend. He came in once a year to visit with Banks. And he was SOF—Special Operations Forces—and God, I was so enthralled with his stories. I wanted to be him so bad. He was like this goal that I had for myself. Then I broke my freakin’ foot. Had to have surgery on it… then…”
“Then Booth asked you to stay with me,” she said softly. “With Asa. And you put your life, and your dream, on hold.”
Yeah.
Yeah, I had.
“Worth it,” I admitted. “So fuckin’ worth it. That was something that I couldn’t pass up. God, those years with you and Asa? Watching him grow, helping you, it was a special privilege that I’d do over and over again.”
