Page 33 of Addiction

But out of all of this suffering I have to live with each day, there is one thing I know for certain I am not: I am nothing like him.

I stand from my desk, grab everything I need from the drawer, and head out of the office, needing a cold beer and some fresh air while I tell myself over and over…

I’m nothing like my fucking father.

CHAPTER NINE

Asher

I’m sitting in one of the booths in Hot Tuna, looking at the documents in front of me that I need to sign in regards to the gym as well as scanning equipment for it online. After seeing the warehouse and discussing all the possibilities, I’ve been more positive. The excitement has kicked in, and I finally feel like I am getting somewhere.

“How’s it going?” Grayson asks, coming to sit at the table and bringing me another Apple juice. My mind is currently on overload after looking at the equipment I’m wanting.

“Well, I’ve put everything I’ll be needing in my cart, and it’s pretty much half my savings gone.” I chuckle. “I just hope Twilight knows what he’s getting himself into because this isn’t going to be cheap.”

“Starting from the bottom is financially hard, but you’ll turn it around. Look at this place. I brought it back to life and now it’s buzzing.”

I can remember when Grayson said he wanted to buy Hot Tuna off the previous owners. I’d laughed and told him he was crazy as he was still young. But through sheer determination, he’d put it back on the map. Now, with a combination of hot women and muscular men—the majority of them SEAL—the weekends can get crazy down here with live entertainment and laughter filling the air. It’s always been one of my favorite places in Virginia and, even sober, I’ll always support this place because it belongs to Grayson.

Throughout my program with my sobriety, the one thing I’ve wanted more than anything is to know how to control temptation when it comes to socializing. Before the drink, being with others had always been a huge part of my life. It’s who I am, and I want that back. I want to find myself again, so I need to know how to control any desire to drink. I want to be able to walk into a bar or a club and not instantly look for alcohol. I want others to be around me and not be afraid to have a drink in case I cave. And I continue to work damn hard to achieve that.

“Yeah, I know.” I take a mouthful of my juice. “I’m preparing myself for it not being an easy ride.”

“Which is good, but try not to think too much of that or it will be. Think positive, Ash. Great things can come from this. You just have to believe.”

I look at him and smile. “You spend too much time with my sister.”

He chuckles. “Nora’s the reason I remain strong, man. Her way of thinking is one of the reasons I love her.”

“Speaking of my sister: she’s not returned my call. Is she coming down here tonight?”

“Possibly. Although, she was going shopping with Makenna and when they go shopping, time becomes irrelevant.”

I frown, looking at the time. “She’s happy to leave Mom with Ava all this time?”

“Yeah. It forces Nora to have some ‘me’ time and relax. Although, I don’t think that’s working.”

“How so?”

“Because your mom called earlier to say that Nora has contacted her nine times already.”

I chuckle. “She just loves her daughter.”

“She really does. And I didn’t think I could love Nora any harder until she had Ava.”

The look in Grayson’s eyes right now tells me everything I should have seen all that time ago when I failed to—a time when I had been raging inside.

“Dude, you are like a lovesick teenager. It makes me want to vomit.”

He laughs, leaving his seat as Ryan shouts at him from the other end of the bar. “Just you wait. One day you will meet the love of your life and everything you thought before that will change.”

“Never.”

“Trust me. You won’t know what’s hit you. And you always know I’m right, pretty boy.”

I give him the middle finger as he walks off, and I look around the bar. Will everything I thought before change? And if so, then how? Will it help me understand the chaos that constantly races around my head in the dark hours?

A short time ago, I’d have been looking at every woman that had walked by, stepped up closer to me or given me even the slightest bit of their attention with a soft smile, a seductive lick of her lips or even so much as a wink. I’d have been right there, pulling her close and doing anything I could to get her to take me home.