Page 66 of Addiction

What the fuck?

I can’t be here.

“Asher, I’m sorr—”

“I need to go.”

“No, wait. Please. I’m—”

I can’t be here. I can’t do this. I can never do… this.

Grabbing my jacket, I head out before Wade can stop me, not responding as he shouts my name over and over, hating that I’m leaving but knowing it’s impossible to stay. Because I do remember what is eating me alive, and it’s the very thing I’m terrified to voice.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Asher

I nearly fucking kissed him.

I slam my eyes shut and try and shake the twisted chaos.

What is happening to me?

I’ve run from so many things as a drunk and even now, sober, I’m still fucking running. I don’t stop once I leave Wade’s house. I can’t. I keep on going, hearing him shouting at me to stop as I hit the road.

I run and I run because staying isn’t an option.

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

The cool wind hits my face as I rest my hands on my knees, trying to regulate my breathing and ease the anxiety that’s enclosed in my chest. The rawness is unbearable as I try to get my head around what is happening to me. I’ve no control.

My lungs burn, my torso heaves and my heart is beating so fast I feel like it’s about to burst from my chest.

He’d drawn me in like a junky craving their next fix, bringing me to the very edge of my comfort zone and not knowing when to jump.

And I want to. Lord knows I want to. I want to know all of Wade Johnson inside and out, not just the bits I’m willing to allow myself to get to know. But the very thought of making that leap scares the shit out of me. It's like I’ve been placed in a straight jacket and fighting for freedom is a never-ending game.

The soft glow of the lights from my house gives me comfort as I head up the drive. It’s about the only thing that makes me feel grounded at the moment—that and the gym and I fear I’ve even jeopardized that. I’d known the close contact with Wade would play tricks on my desires, feeding that craving I have for him all the more. How the hell do I face him at work now?

“Fuck,” I breathe, placing my hands on my head. “Where do I go from here?”

I look up toward the sky and silently pray to my dad for guidance. “Help me out here Pop. Please. I don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t know where I’m going.”

With a heavy breath, I push the door open, startling my mom on the other side.

“Jesus, Asher. Where’s the fire?”

“There isn’t one.”

“Then why the hurry?”

“Sorry, Mom. I’ve just run back from Wade’s.”