Page 8 of Addiction

“Of course I do. But I have my doubts. I feel like I’m intruding on my own family. I’ve no home of my own anymore because I had to sell it. I’ve not seen Nora in twelve months. I’m worried about what comes next because I lost everything and now have to rebuild it back up while trying to prove myself each day to everyone who is watching over me.” I pause. “I’m scared for reasons I can’t even explain, and I don’t know if that will ever go away. But the one thing I’m more certain of than anything, Mom, is that I don’t want a drink.”

She studies me a second before placing her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, Asher. I was wrong to push you on this so soon. I just worry that’s all. But hear me when I say you’ve no reason to feel hesitant about being home. You are welcome to stay however long you want. Even if things should get tough. You’re my son; I don’t want to lose you again.”

I place my hand over hers. “I don’t want things to be tough. I want them to be better. That being said, my alcoholism goes back a long way. I still have demons I need to face, and I know now I need to face them in a different way than before. This time, though, I am grateful to have such an amazing family around me. Your support means everything to me, Mom… But I’m still not where I want to be in my head.”

“You do know you can talk to me, don’t you? About anything.”

“But that’s just it. How do I talk about something I don’t even understand myself?” I smile, trying to reassure her. “I’m not the drunken man who returned from California and caused chaos. But I’m still not the man everyone wants me to be.”

“You don’t have to prove yourself any more than you already have, Asher.”

“I understand that, but I just have to figure some stuff out. Okay? It’s all going to take a bit of time.”

“You know I love you, right?”

I smile, lifting her hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles, relieved that I’ve got my troubles off my chest, and we’ve come to an understanding. “More than anything.”

“Good. And now you’re back, be prepared for me shouting from the rooftops that my boy is home where he belongs.”

I chuckle. “Can’t wait. But I think I need to see Nora first before I see anyone else.”

My recovery in rehab had been long, and each day had brought a new challenge but the one person I’d always known had my back was Nora. We’d made amends, and our relationship had slowly got back on track.

I’d seen the hurt in her eyes when I told her I didn’t want her to visit me in St Brides. I knew I’d broken her heart, and I knew I was jeopardizing everything we’d built. But I couldn’t have had her there. It had been the only way I’d known how to protect her.

“You do realize she is going to be mad with you for having Mark pick you up and not her?”

“Don’t worry, I’m expecting a full on rage from her.” I stand, taking my plate over to the sink to wash up.

“As you know, she was devastated that you wouldn’t allow her to visit you. But as a mother, I thank you for it. Seeing you in there was hard for me. But with her pregnant, it wouldn’t have done her anxiety any good.”

“I sure felt the anger come across in her letters.”

Mom chuckles. “She will be thrilled you’re home.”

“I can’t wait to see her. Is she coming over later? I noticed her and Grayson’s cars weren’t in the drive.” I place the plates into the sink and begin to wash them.

Nora is engaged to my best friend. Living next door, Grayson had always been around our house when Nora was a kid. Naturally, I’d been furious to learn of their relationship due to the fifteen-year age gap, but it appears my father never was and had been secretly playing matchmaker with them both.

“Any time now. She comes in for lunch with little Ava.”

“Is that most days?”

“Every day apart from the weekend when I work.”

I stop washing the plate as alarm bells suddenly go off in my head.

Every day apart from the weekend when I work.

Mom had been working regular shifts as a nurse when I’d left.

“You don’t work during the week anymore?”

The silence that follows leaves me unsettled, and as I look over my shoulder, I see her head is lowered, her fingers fidgeting with her necklace. It seems I’m not the only one who’s hiding something.

Drying my hands, I head over and kneel in front of her. “Mom?”

Her eyes are full of melancholy once again, only this time it causes a lump to form in my throat. “What’s going on?”