Page 83 of Addiction

Everything fucking hurts. I just want it all to stop.

How do I make it stop?

You need a drink Asher.

No. No. No.

Just one.

Panic starts to take over my body now that little voice has spoken. My palms are sweaty. I can’t fucking breathe.

It will help the pain.

I’m losing control. I need to go, but I’m powerless to move. I’m a dead weight in the hands of my conscience that I know is going to win.

Just one. One. You know you want to.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut. Up," I hiss. “I don’t want this.”

Then why are you here? Why are you sitting at a bar looking at all those beautiful bottles? They will take your pain away, Asher. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Those memories. Just one, Asher. You only need one.

"Fuck!" I slam my fist down on the bar, willing my body to fucking move so I can get the hell out of here.

The devil is testing me.

I need to call Theo.

Why call him when you can stop all this right now?

Go on, Asher… Just… one.

The music is loud but not loud enough to overpower my thoughts and fears; not loud enough that it fades the racing of my twisted mind; not loud enough to take me to a place other than the one that is currently haunting me; and not loud enough to stop my eyes from roaming along all the bottles of alcohol that line up behind the bar.

My mouth waters, and my stomach twists with that deep, agonizing craving. My skin begins to prickle as the monster in me begins to stir, ravenous for the feeling of euphoria that I’d once loved.

Just a taste.

Kiss me, Asher. You know you want to.

They’d been the very words that had changed everything—the very ones that’d had me losing everything;the very ones that I’d needed to drink out of my system. because from that point on, I hadn’t known who the hell I was.

Go on, Asher…

Just a taste.

Just. A. Taste.

“Asher? Are you okay?” My eyes land on Ryan, but the devil speaks for me loud and clear.

“Whiskey. Double. Now.”

His reaction is one I knew I’d get. A starstruck look before the words register.

“No. Asher. I’m not doing that.”

But his rejection hits a nerve and rage sets in. “I said I want a whiskey!”

Make him give you one. You just need one.