Page 85 of Addiction

“Nora. Wait.”

I stumble into people as I try to catch up with her, and my world does a complete one-eighty on how my downfall is about to take everything away from me. “Nora. Stop. I’m sorry.”

As the evening air hits my face, I’ve no time to assess my surroundings before she spins around, anger in her tone as she slams her fists against my chest and screams. “How could you, Asher? How could you?”

Blow by blow, she comes at me, hitting my chest with tearful screams. And I let her.

With each hit of aggression from my little sister, I regret my defeat at the hands of the devil and my mood falters faster than I can control. I don’t even fight back. I welcome the punishment as she falls apart in front of me.

“You promised me! You fucking promised me!”

“Nora, stop!” Grayson's voice comes loud from behind her. Picking her up by the waist in one sweep, he passes her over to Mark to hold her back. I hang my head in shame, the burn of the whiskey in my throat now replaced with nausea as Nora’s sobs become distant. Grayson comes to stand in front of me, and I wait in anticipation for what he’ll do. Only he doesn’t fight. He doesn’t scream. Grabbing me by the scruff of my shirt, he forces me to look at him. His eyes are sad. They hold questions, the answers to which I already feel guilty for.

“Why?”

I shake my head, not knowing what to say because nothing I do will change the monster inside of me. But when movement over his shoulder catches my attention, I lock eyes with Wade, the reason for my relapse is standing right in front of me.

But he isn’t to blame.

I’ve fallen because of what my heart has been telling me, not my head.

I’ve drowned because where I was once afraid of my feelings for Wyatt, I’m not afraid of my feelings for Wade.

I’ve failed because it had been the easy option.

But standing here now, I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to be this fucked up and confused. I can’t be this man anymore because I can’t take it.

My eyes burn, my lips quiver as I look back at Grayson, and for the first time in my life, I say the words I’ve never said to anyone as I fall apart in front of him.

“Because of what I am.” I point to my temple but hold my heart. “Because of what’s in here and what’s in there.” My tears fall hard before I plead with him to help me because I can no longer do this on my own. “Help me, Grayson. Please. I can’t take this war anymore. I can’t breathe.”

I fall to the ground, running my fingers through my hair and pulling hard because any pain is better than the one that is consuming me right now—the one that intensifies every day.

“I’m so sorry,” I cry. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Coming down to my level, Grayson wraps his arms around my shoulders so tight that I instantly feel the protection I’ve been longing for as he says the words that give me hope.

“I’m here, Asher. I’ve got you.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Asher

A glass of water is placed on the table before Grayson sits opposite me. The silence in the house is unnerving as voices invade my twisted mind.

I don’t recall how or when he and I got home, I just know that it’s only the two of us and has been for some time. And right now, the only two things I’m thankful for are that Mom is at work, and my best friend hasn’t left me on my own like he would have had every fucking right to do.

Nora’s screams are still at the forefront of my thoughts, and the hurt in her eyes pierces my heart like you wouldn’t believe—a look I’d never wanted to see again but something my selfishness and addiction had thought otherwise about. I’ve lost everything all over again, and I loathe myself for it.

What will I tell Theo?

What will I tell Mom?

I close my eyes at the thought as unshed tears sting my eyes.

What the fuck have I done?

The twenty-minute adrenaline rush has caused massive repercussions, and I fear what will follow. Not only have I jeopardized everything with my family, but I’ve no doubt drunk my career away, too. All for what? Being too scared to admit who I am.