Page 88 of Addiction

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

Breathe in…

“I need a drink.”

Grayson’s fists slam on the table. "Goddamn it, Asher, what questions?"

"About being gay!"

As the words leave my mouth, an eerie silence falls between us. I don’t know if it’s one of shock or acceptance but either way, I don’t like it. I now feel nothing but internal panic. The panic makes me leave my seat and pace the kitchen floor. I try to control my racing heart that batters hard against my rib cage. Nothing has changed. Why don’t I feel different? Why has nothing changed?

I need a drink.

I need a fucking drink.

However, my confession is not enough for Grayson because he wants me to clarify. "Why did you want to ask him questions about that?"

I shake my head. I can’t do this now. "Never mind. I need a drink."

"Asher."

I rub my palms over my thighs trying to stop the itch of wanting alcohol and the irritation of Grayson’s interrogation. "Grayson, please. I can’t do this."

"Answer the question, Asher," he warns.

Push.

Push.

Push.

"Why did you want to know about him being gay?"

"Because I’m gay, too!" I yell.

And there it is… that relief. That pure, undeniable feeling I’ve been longing for as hot air leaves my lungs with such a force it knocks me back. I’m physically shaking, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. But as I look over at Grayson waiting on his answer, I get nothing. No words, no reaction, no emotion.

Nothing.

Leaving his seat, he closes the distance between us and stands in front of me.

As if he didn’t hear me the first time he says, “Say it, again.”

I frown. “I said I’m gay.”

“Again.”

“What the fuck. Are you deaf or something?”

I go to escape, but he grabs me by the shirt and pushes me against the wall.

"Oh, I heard you. But by all accounts, it's not me you need to convince, it's yourself. It's you that's been hiding from this. It's you that needs to live with this. It's you that needs to accept this."

"I have. I do."

"Then say it again."