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“You never wanted to be anything for yourself?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer this, but I didn’t want to lie.
“We Irish are different,” I replied. “It’s all about the clan, the collective group. When the Irish first came to Chicago, like with Boston, we were treated pretty like much like dogs. I’d dare say only a step above how African Americans were treated in the north at that time. We had no one to turn to, and so we turned to each other. People would have collective dinners for the community if they could afford to, or share blankets or tools if they could spare them. It was your job to support your fellow brother. It was the way Sedric was raised, and it’s the way he raised us. That’s why we hold a Thanksgiving and Christmas feast in the Irish neighborhoods every year. And also why we have emergency funds if people truly need it. The great thing is the neighborhood’s ability to regulate itself. If anyone finds out that you take beyond what you truly need, then you’d be run out of the community.” Also, in return for all that, we got their unwavering loyalty.
“Wow,” she said softly as she brushed her hair behind her ear. “It’s so amazing that you all take care of each other like that. It’s like one big family.”
“That’s the way we see it. Evelyn, my aunt, always makes sure that we have dinner every night together so the inner family stays connected. Honestly, it sometimes feels like I can never get away. Everyone knows everything about you. As a kid, if I lost a tooth, I could walk into Sedric’s office and he would be surrounded by extended family I didn’t even know, and they would all congratulate me and warn me to not get any cavities on my permanent teeth.” It used to annoy me so much when I was a kid, but now I’m used to it.”
She frowned as her eyes glazed over. “I’m jealous.”
“What?”
She nodded. “My parents died when I was twelve, and for the first two weeks, everyone was hovering around me, so it didn’t really hit me until they all went back to their lives and I was left all alone. I had my aunt and uncle along with my cousin. But it wasn’t the same. My mother was only able to have me, and so she and my father basically smothered me to death with affection. They went to Greece for a second honeymoon and I told them that I would be fine. But they still called twice a day every day while they were gone. And on the day they came back, it was at three in the morning and my mother ran to my room and jumped up onto my bed.”
I enjoyed watching how she spoke while her hands gesticulated and her face beamed with joy.
“She shook me.” She stretched out her hand like she was shaking someone in bed. “All the while saying ‘Cora, wake up, we’re moving to Greece.’ ” She laughed and shook her head. “My father came in behind her and told her to hush and leave me alone. But she ignored him and kept shaking me. ‘We’re moving to Greece, Cora. Get excited!’ she said again, and my father kept denying it. I was so tired that I buried my head under my covers. My mom hugged me anyway, still ignoring my dad. She talked about how blue the water was, how white sands were, and how great the food was. She talked a lot about the food. My dad said we would go when summer came, but they died in a fire a week later.”
She took a deep breath and bit her lips. “Actually, my father died in the fire, while he was trying to get my mother out. My aunt and uncle woke me and my cousin up from our sleepover and rushed us to the house. We got there just as they were wheeling her out, and she was burned so badly that at first I didn’t even recognize her. She was rolled past me and her eyes fell on mine as she reached out for me. Instead of going to her, I cowered and screamed. That woman looked like a monster, not my mother. And when they took me to hospital, I refused to see her. She died shortly after, and to this day I still feel like I let her down.”
“You were twelve, Cora.” I grasped her hand.
She smiled sadly and nodded. “Yeah. I know that, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. If I had another chance I would’ve run to her instead of screamed. If only I’d known—”
“It’s impossible to know. It’s not fair to be angry at yourself. From what you’ve said, she loved you a lot. I doubt she would want you to beat yourself up over it.” For some reason all the words coming out of my mouth felt like the words Sedric had often told me after I’d lost my parents.
“I know. That’s why it felt so horrible when everyone left after the funeral. Everything was silent and I had no one to go to, so I began to set goals for myself. It got me from one day to the next. So I’m jealous of you, Declan. I wish that no one would leave me alone and that at least someone would know when I had cavities.” She smiled sadly.
I had never thought of myself as lucky after losing my parents. I never wanted to be a burden to anyone. But I thought about how people were always around me growing up. I never could be sad until I was all alone at night, because that’s when I could think again. I hadn’t ever been grateful for that distraction from the pain until I’d met her.
“Can I ask you another question?” I asked her.
She nodded quickly. “Please, before I ruin this with morbid conversation.”
What are you doing for the rest of your life?
“What are you looking for, Coraline? In me, in a man, in anyone?”
She paused. “I don’t know, but as the days go by, I’m finding it.”
CORALINE
The way he held me in his arms as we watched the sun set on the beach…I felt at peace. Relaxed. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t feel the need to plan out the day or worry about tomorrow, and I wished that this moment would live on to infinity.
“Coraline,” he whispered as the sunlight crept downwards below the surface of the sea.
“Yeah?”
“If you ever feel lonely, call me…I’ll be there in any way you need me to be. I swear.”
I believed him.
SEVEN
“When he worked, he really worked. But when he played, he really played.”
?Dr. Seuss
CORALINE
The first day we’d gone skydiving.
The second day was bungee jumping and ziplining.
The third was a Mayan cultural day to give the daredevil in me a break. He’d rented a helicopter and flew it himself to the Temple of Kukulcan.
The Fourth day we just talked and walked along the beach.
And now, on the fifth day, he was once again trying to kill me.
“Swimming with sharks?! Declan,” I said as he put the oxygen tank on my back and handed me the mouthpiece, “you know that this is the reason why women tend to live longer than men, right?”
“I thought it was because you guys ate all that whole grain, gluten free, fat free crap, which might as well not be food anyway!” he joked as he shook his head and zipped up his wetsuit.
“I’m guessing that’s a sore spot for you?”
“My cousin, Neal, his wife is all about the free when it comes to her food. She roped my aunt into her health craze last month. So we were all forced to either sneak in meals or just eat out.” He’d said it so causally he must have not realized it, but I did. He had starting talking about his family.
“I prefer all the fat in my food. I always figure that I can work it off later. Preferably before becoming food for sharks.” I pointed to the steel cage that hung off the corner of his yacht and the crew he had working on it.
