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“Out” he had said so softly, his tone clearly implying a threat not lost on John, who had given her one more contemptuous look before leaving the room.
Finally alone husband and wife had looked at each other warily, before rubbing his hand across his unshaven chin Alexis had moved to sit on the chair beside her, his voice now gentle.
“How are you feeling?” his eyes not meeting hers, as she had looked at him, a myriad of emotions running across her face.
“You knew” she had whispered softly, her voice cracking slightly with emotion.
Seeing as he had nodded.
“You never said”
With a small sigh he had finally looked at her, his expression one of both anger and pain.
“Say what Tessa, that I knew that my wife had only married me to save the man she loved from going to jail……a married man. That she had sold herself for a million dollars”
Shaking her head she had moaned softly.
“No Alexis, you have it all wrong” she had groaned with pain, reaching out her hand to him.
Seeing the coldness entering his eyes as he had moved away from her reach.
“This is not the time for this conversation Tessa” he had said standing.
“Please, we have enough to deal with right now”
Tessa had shaken her head, suddenly needing to tell him everything, shocked that he had known about Andrew the whole time.
“Alexis…….we need to…….” she had implored as he had shaken his head.
“No……no we don’t… and certainly not now” he had stated,
With a determined motion, he had pulled his jacket from the chair, pulling it back on with quick angry movements, not looking at Tessa, who lay on the bed, so small and vulnerable he had thought to himself. After a few seconds of silence between them as she had watched his back as he faced away from her, he seemed to once more gain control of his emotions, as he had turned to look down on his wife. His expression now more gentle.
“It doesn’t matter Tessa” he had said softly “Right now all that matters is that you feel better”
Tessa had dropped her head, the tears once more rising to her eyes.
“I have arranged for you to be brought home, you will be more comfortable there” he had said gently as she had looked up, giving a small nod of thanks, not wanting to be in the sterile hospital, wanting to be in familiar surroundings
“Thank you” she had managed, seeing as he had looked back at her, the pain still so evident in his eyes
“I have to go” he had said gently, moving forward to drop a kiss on her head. Tessa had wanted to throw her arms around him, to tell him how much she loved him and to feel him holding her in his arms as he had done the night before. Her heart had broken further as he had stood, and turning abruptly had moved out of the room, leaving her once more alone.
True to his word she had been collected from the hospital by Mrs Lowe, who had fussed over her on their return. She had insisted that the younger woman go straight to bed to rest, providing her with a cup of tea which Tessa had sipped with relish. Finally, she had begged for some time on her own as Mrs Lowe had hovered around her, seeing as the woman had smiled gently before reaching over and softly patting her hand suddenly so serious.
“Don’t worry Tessa…..you are young. In years to come this will be a bad memory as you watch your children run around you”
Tessa had smiled back, nodding softly, seeing the kindness and sincerity from the older woman.
“Thank you Mrs Lowe…..for everything” she had responded hugging the woman who had finally left her alone and lying down she had almost instantly fallen into a deep sleep.
Several hours later Tessa had woken, seeing the hazy half light filling the room as the sun had slowly sunk down, filling the area with red and orange shadows. Pushing the covers from her she had moved to the shower, taking her time to let the water soak over her body, once more missing the child that only the day before had been such a beacon of hope in her life. As the tears had again slid down her cheek, she had taken time to let some tranquility fill her once more.
Moving downstairs Mrs Lowe had appeared as she was just moving from the last step
“Tessa………go back to bed…… you need rest” the older woman had said, her tone maternal and concerned.
With a small smile on her face Tessa had shaken her head.
“No …. please…I can’t stay in that bed any longer………all I do is think… about……..” her voice had cracked gently, as the woman had looked sadly at her.
“I’m sorry my dear………..come and get something to eat”
The last thing Tessa felt like doing was eating, still feeling sick from all that had gone on, but the thought of a cup of tea making her smile gently.
“I would love a drink” she had replied, trying to smile at the woman before her, not aware of how haunted her eyes looked. As they were seated at the kitchen table, both sipping softly at their hot beverages, Tessa had frowned.
“Where is Alexis?” she had asked, seeing how Mrs Lowe had avoided her eyes, her voice taking on an unnatural brightness.
“Oh……..he had to go into the office; some problem came up……..so he and Clara had to go deal with it”
The mention of Clara Laing’s name had crashed down hard in the pit of her stomach, as she realised that he had found comfort in the loss of their child in the arms of his mistress. She had felt the tears rising once more, clutching the cup harder against her hand, the pain of the hot liquid through the cup stopping the tears from flowing.
Mrs Lowe however, had seen the wetness, misconstruing it as her once more thinking about the baby.
“Oh Tessa, I wish I could say anything that would make this easier” she had said softly, placing her hand over the younger woman’s. Giving a small smile Tessa had nodded gently.
“I know”
At that moment the phone had rung, and a few moments later Mrs Lowe had returned with it, smiling.
“It’s Alexis for you” she had said handing the phone over and disappearing to leave her alone to talk to her husband.
His voice had sounded weary as he had asked how she was feeling. Tessa had replied vaguely that she was fine, her whole being wanting to scream to him that she felt broken, felt that her heart had been torn from her chest and that he was the main reason, but she had remained silent, giving curt short replies to his stilted questions. Finally he had cleared his throat,
“There is a problem in France, I have to go…I’m not sure how long I will be away” she had heard the uncertainty in his voice, an almost reluctance.
“Oh” She had said “Just you?” hearing him hesitate.
“No, Clara is coming too……..she has been involved in most of the negotiations so far”
Tessa could feel the tears silently flowing down her face.
“OK……..I understand” she had managed, her voice almost emotionless.
“Tessa……..” she could hear a strange tone to his voice, as she had forced a smile on her face, forcing her voice to sound more upbeat than she felt.
“It’s OK……….I understand, you have business to deal with……..really go”
In the background she could hear a voice, a woman’s voice recognising it instantly as that of Clara, the white searing pain of jealousy stabbing through her.
“I have to go” he had said, his attention already elsewhere she knew, as she had said goodbye to him.
Holding the phone in her hand, her eyes had looked sightlessly at it. She could see him in the arms of the stunning French woman, his mistress. See him kissing her in the way he had kissed her, their bodies joined together, as they . She had been a fool, a stupid fool. Tessa felt destroyed. Her whole life had been full of pain and loss, but she had never known such misery as she did right at that moment. She felt the loss of her child and that of the man she loved, the cold hurt seeping deep into every pore, the tears drying as she hardened her heart to all the hurt and pain crashing down on her.
For the next two weeks, life had slowly returned to normal. Each day she would receive a phone call from Alexis, as he repeated that he was not sure how long he would be away, his voice apologetic as she imagined him to Clara. Each day the two had swapped polite conversation for a few moments, the silences filled with tension that neither seemed prepared to break.
While physically Tessa had mended, emotionally she was still in tatters and had thrown herself into her work, spending each day at the new studio overseeing each day’s progress. Things were moving along at break-neck speed, and Tessa was sure that the studio would be ready to open by the beginning of the new session, not able to feel any excitement about that thought, her spirit so cold. She seemed to move in an almost dream like state, and each day Mrs Lowe had looked at her with concern, tutting at how little she ate.
