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Charlene’s eyes soften, and a lone tear slides down her cheek as I clasp it behind her neck.
“I love you more than you can comprehend. I’ll give you anything you want, Charlene. Just stay with me, let me love you like I’m supposed to, let me be exactly what you need.”
“You already are.”
I kiss her, and my whole world seems to come together and fall apart at the same time. She’s everything. She’s all the missing pieces I need to feel whole.CHARLENE
Darren and I don’t make it farther than the kitchen counter before we’re naked and all over each other. Make-up-slash-love-declaration sex is the best. Not that I want to have more arguments or breakups, but love declaration only happens once. All the anxiety and stress of the past week is erased by each kiss and touch. I believe Darren when he says he’ll never put the lid on my jar. He’s always been exactly what I need, and now that he knows about all the good and bad parts of me, it feels like he’s truly mine.
An hour later we’re stretched out on the couch in the living room. Darren has on boxers, and I’m wearing the shirt he arrived in. The rest of our clothes are scattered around the kitchen. I reach into the bowl next to me and unwrap a candy. I’m already relaxed, thanks to all the orgasms, but I’m a little hungry post sex, and too lazy to go to the kitchen for a snack. And too comfortable wrapped up in Darren.
I pop the candy in my mouth and settle back against his chest. I toss the wrapper, aiming for the coffee table, but I miss, and it flutters to the floor.
Darren reaches down and picks it up, inspecting the opaque square. “What kind of candy is this?”
“It’s herbal.” I pull myself up a little higher so I can kiss his neck. His skin is salty in contrast to the sweetness in my mouth.
He twists a little so his mouth is close to mine and sniffs while frowning. “Where’d you get them?”
“My mom makes them.” I don’t usually eat them when I’m with Darren, since I like the kind of anxiety he evokes in me.
Darren curves his palm around the side of my neck and presses his lips to mine. When his tongue sweeps out I part my lips, allowing him inside. He strokes against my tongue a few times before he pulls back, still frowning. He repositions us so we’re sitting up. “Stick your tongue out for me.”
“What?”
“Your tongue, stick it out.”
“They’re an acquired taste,” I mumble, but I do as he asks, the candy sitting on the end of my tongue.
He pops it in his mouth, rolling it around, which could be kind of gross since it’s been in my mouth, but then again, he does put his tongue in there, among other places.
After a few seconds he spits it into the wrapper. “How often do you eat these?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Usually a few a day.”
His eyes go wide. “A few a day? How long have you been eating these?”
I don’t understand why he’s so shocked. “I don’t know. My mom has been making them as long as I can remember.”
I didn’t think it was possible for his eyes to be any wider. “You ate these as a kid?”
“They’re calming.” Now I’m defensive about it. I love these candies.
“Uh, yeah, they would be since I think they’re made from weed.”
“No they’re not,” I scoff.
“I’m pretty sure they are. How do you think they get that green tinge to them?”
“They’re herbal.”
“And the herb they’re made with is weed.”
“How would you know that? You’re not allowed to use recreational drugs,” I point out.
“Correct, but I’ve spent enough time around Alex’s dad to know what weed smells like, since he’s a chronic pothead.” He doesn’t say anything else, possibly waiting for me to process this information.
I have to cover my mouth with my palm since I’m incapable of closing it. The greenhouses at The Harvest Co-op, aka The Ranch, flash through my mind—endless rows of gorgeous green plants, the smell of skunks, the barbed-wire fence, how we were located out in the middle of Buttfuck, Nowhere. All of it suddenly makes sense.
“Holy fuck,” I say from behind my hand as the truth settles in. “Oh my God. My mother turned me into a pothead.”
“Maybe there isn’t any THC in them,” Darren offers.
I think about how I’ve been this week—all the candies I’ve eaten and how much I’ve been zoned out and napping like it’s my job. How many donuts I’ve consumed.
I consider how I’m relaxed for hours after I eat those candies, and how they always seem to heighten that tingly feeling in my body, particularly the one between my thighs when I’m nervous. I have to wonder if they’re somehow related.
