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“This isn’t easy for me,” she says softly.
“It’s not easy for me either, but what specifically is so difficult about this for you?”
Charlene drags her fingers back and forth along the neckline of her shirt. “For all the years you spent with no doors or privacy, I spent the same amount of time locked away from the world. Love and dependency were imprisonment.” She lifts her gaze. “I’m afraid to be trapped again.”
“I’ll never put the lid on your jar.”
As soon as I say the words, I understand that’s exactly her fear—that she’ll lose her freedom again. I can only imagine how she felt after she and her mom left the compound, and they only had each other. It would’ve been a new kind of prison—one created from the fear of being dragged back to the hell they’d escaped. Although from what I understand, Charlene didn’t perceive it as hell until she was out of it.
“I don’t know what I have to do to prove to you that I’ll love you and take care of you in whatever capacity you need me, but I won’t walk away unless you tell me to.” I press my lips to her forehead. “You know where to find me when you’re ready.”
My feet feel like they’re weighted with lead soles as I head for the door. I’ve said what I came here to say. There’s nothing else I can do to convince her.
She grabs my sleeve. “Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“That’s it? You’re not staying?” She seems confused again.
“I’m not going to push you more than I have, Charlene. I know what happens when I do, and I’m not willing to take that risk.” I pull her to me. All her broken pieces and bent edges fit with mine. “Call me when you figure out what you want.” I inhale the scent of her shampoo and press my lips to her skin for the briefest moment before I untangle myself.
I don’t want to leave, but I can’t stay—not unless she’s ready to let me in all the way. Luther is on the front step when I open the door, staring out at the neighbor’s yard. There’s an older woman in a pair of booty shorts weeding the garden. I’m pretty sure it’s for Luther’s benefit. He’s a good looking motherfucker.
“Wait!” Charlene grabs my arm and yanks me back inside. She pauses to wave at Luther before she closes the door in his face.
I stare down at her. Even with her messy hair and wrinkled outfit, she’s flawlessly flawed. It doesn’t matter if she tells me the only reason she wants me to stay is because the apocalypse is coming; there’s a reasonably good chance I’ll say yes.
She grips my shirt as if it will keep me from moving. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Then give me a reason to stay.”
She stares at her feet—her toenail polish is chipped—and slowly looks back up. “Can we ease into this?”
“You can’t lube up for moving in.”
She rolls her eyes at my terrible joke. “I wasn’t expecting this. I was ready to deal with the feelings part of us, but then you blindsided me with the whole moving-in thing.”
“I figured I might as well lay it all out there for you, so you know where I’m at.”
She chews her bottom lip and nods. “I can’t give up my night with Violet and the girls. They come over to my place, and we hang out and stuff, and if I live with you, we’ll have to do that at your place.”
“Those are the same nights I’m out with the guys, and we never come to my place.”
“Maybe that should change.”
“Do I need to remind you what happened the last time they ended up at my place?”
She manages to blush and give me the evil eye at the same time. “I don’t want to sell my house right away.”
“Property is a smart investment. You can rent it out indefinitely.” I run my fingers through her hair, the need to touch her too overwhelming not to give in. “Whatever you need to make you feel safe, Charlene, you can have it. If you need a house in your own name, then keep it. But don’t expect me not to buy you things. You’re everything I need, and I’m going to give you everything I think you need.”
Charlene seems to fight back a sob as she wraps her arms around my neck. “I love you, in case you weren’t sure.”
“I hoped.” I press my lips to hers for a moment and then pull away. I slip my hand into my pocket and retrieve the necklace I’ve been carrying with me the past few days. I went in search of all the fallen pearls after her mother took her home and brought them to a jeweler the very next day. I picked up the necklace three days ago and have been carrying it around with me ever since.
