AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“That’s the one,” I say.
“Oh my God,” Dylan sputters. “My jealousy knows no bounds.”
“Was it as good as I think it was?” Julia asks.
“Judging by the way she’s blushing, I’d say it was beyond,” Dylan replies.
I chew on my bottom lip. “Best I’ve ever had.”
Julia gasps. “Really? Aw, yay! I’m so happy for you. My idea of separating sex from forever worked, then.”
“So far, yeah,” I say with a nod. “Luke and I have known each other for years, so there’s already that sense of familiarity. But he also went out of his way to make me feel comfortable. Which, I think, allowed me to be really open about what I needed. What I was after. I’ve never been so honest with a guy before.”
Dylan nods. “He made you feel safe.”
“Exactly. I felt like I could just be myself with him. I didn’t care about being just right, so I just was. It was fantastic.”
So fantastic it’s scaring the shit out of me.
“Intimacy is a beautiful thing,” Julia says. “When your truths and your pelvises collide simultaneously.”
“Glorious,” Dylan adds.
“But can we keep doing that in a casual, no-strings-attached way?” I ask, sipping my latte. Thoughts tangling. “I feel like I’m really getting somewhere sexually—like I’m definitely enjoying it now. I don’t want feelings to get involved, because in the past, feelings have sabotaged my sex life. And this sex—”
“Is phenomenal,” Julia says.
I nod, my pulse picking up. “But then I wonder how can feelings not be involved when you’re truly intimate with someone? How can you not like someone who accepts you—hell, practically worships you—for who you are? Can you have intimacy without attachment? Or do they go hand in hand?”
Julia is grinning over the rim of her cup. “All good questions. But I think you know you’re the only one who can answer them.”
“I think it honestly depends on who you’re with,” Dylan says. “When you’re intimate with someone, you connect with them on some level, right? Sometimes that connection is purely physical. Doesn’t mean you aren’t being truthful or real. It just means y’all have this insane sexual chemistry that’s confined to the bedroom. Outside of it, though…the connection just isn’t there for whatever reason. Maybe he’s immature, or maybe your interests don’t line up. So while physical intimacy exists between y’all, emotional intimacy doesn’t.”
“Okay,” I say, my pulse still thrumming. “I buy that. But what if he isn’t immature? And what if the two of you have, say, a similar sense of humor and a shared appreciation for life’s simple pleasures, like dick jokes and cold beer?”
Dylan and Julia exchange a glance.
I let out a pained sigh. “Oh, Jesus.”
Dylan loops an arm around my middle and pulls me in for a side hug. “No need to panic. This is a good problem to have. What if you thought about it this way? You’ve got every right to have your guard up after what you went through. But whether or not you realize it, you’re already trusting Luke in a way you could never trust Nick. When you told Nick what you really wanted, what did he do?”
“He ran,” I say.
“And when you told Luke?”
A pulse of heat spreads throughout my body as I remember what Luke did.
“He did not run,” I reply.
He made me laugh instead. Made me come.
“And how did that make you feel?” Julia says.
I scoff, swallowing. “Awesome.” Like I was the brightest star in the goddamn sky.
“What’s so wrong about trusting that feeling? About trusting yourself? So you’ve gotten your ass kicked. You’ve learned some hard lessons. But now you know better. I think you’ve already chosen a much better guy.”
“But it’s…Julia, it’s really scary,” I say. “I’m scared to trust anyone, myself included. I wanted Nick to be the one so badly. Even though he didn’t make me very happy. I mean. Come on, clearly I have, like, faulty emotional radar or something.”
“Or maybe you were just blinded by your desire to have this perfect, all consuming love,” Julia says. “Now that you’ve taken that desire out of the equation—”
“You can see things more clearly,” Dylan finishes. “Trust your gut, Gracie. Deep down, you know what you’re doing and what you want. Maybe what you want isn’t ‘perfect’ after all, but something more fulfilling. I mean, honestly—fuck perfect love. Give me messy, complicated, all consuming love over that any day.”
A customer arrives then, ending the conversation. But I think about it the rest of the day.
In my professional life, what Dylan said is true. I didn’t always trust my gut—obviously I have a bad habit of second guessing myself—but I learned pretty quickly that trusting myself was the only way I could build the career of my dreams. It was the only way I could survive the ups and downs of being an entrepreneur.
