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“I’ll get another job. I can pay for myself and the baby. I won’t take anything more from you.”
Joey pounds the wall with a heartfelt scream.
“You’re just a child!” he shrieks. “You can’t care for yourself and a baby. You need help, and that fucker will never lift a finger.”
I sob more, trying to make sense of this situation
“I can do it,” I blubber. “I swear I can.”
My brother shakes his head frenetically.
“You can’t! Look at this place. It’s no place to raise a baby. The trailer is falling apart, and we can’t even repair it. Where are you going to put the baby’s crib? Under that stain on the ceiling? Next to the window that won’t open? What kind of life will you provide for your child?”
I’m crying even harder now. “I know, but we’ll figure it out okay? I’ll get another job that pays enough. People raise children all the time, even if it’s hard.”
My brother shoots me a look of sheer disgust.
“I never thought you would be one of them. You’re trailer park trash, Britney. I had high hopes for you. I was thinking that we’d be able to get out of here at some point in the future, but you know what? The cycle continues. You figure this out,” he shouts before storming off.
I sink to my knees in the bathroom even as I hear the trailer door bang. Then, the truck engine roars and my brother pulls out with a squeal. I’m left alone in the shabby bathroom, one hand clutching the pregnancy test as the other goes protectively over my stomach.
Tears fall down my cheeks, and I let out another ragged sob as I clutch myself. My shoulders shake even as more tears gush down my cheeks. But I know what I have to do because I’m having this baby. Maybe John doesn’t want to see me anymore, and maybe he’ll never know about his child. Yet, the life growing inside me right now is a reminder of the most wonderful relationship I’ve ever had. Maybe everything’s going to hell in a hand basket, but I have a piece of John to hold on to forever now.
The tears come slower. Tomorrow, I’ll make an appointment with a doctor and start figuring things out, but tonight, I’m going to sleep. I stumble to my room and collapse on my bed, the pregnancy indicator still clenched in one fist. My eyes drop heavily, and soon, my dreams are filled with visions of John playing with his child. In my imagination, he dotes on his daughter, their black heads close together as she giggles happily, waving a clutched fist at her dad. My heart clenches and I cry out in my sleep from the mixed pain and happiness. But no matter what happens, I know that I want this baby, and that I’ll be the best mom I can possibly be.13BritneyA year later.
Brynna giggles as a bird flies away, startled by the stroller. I lean forward and stroke her soft locks fondly. My little daughter loves to be out in nature, and I think she gets that from her dad.
Brynna was born on February fourteenth, the best Valentine’s Day gift I could have asked for. She’s a beautiful, miniature version of her father with the same black curls and big blue eyes. But even now, John doesn’t know that Brynna exists. A part of me knows I should have tried harder to tell him about the baby, and I really made the effort. I called him about a hundred times for the first couple of months, but the result was always the same – straight to voicemail.
What else should I have done? I got the message loud and clear, and my guess is that he has no idea that I could even be pregnant. After all, we always used protection, even if no contraceptive can guarantee one hundred percent effectiveness.
But now, it’s just me and my baby, and the last few months have been difficult. My pregnancy was easy by comparison. I had some morning sickness, but it wasn’t bad. Luckily, Joey gets health insurance through his job, and since I’m his dependent, I can stay on the insurance until I turn twenty-six. The baby’s covered too, thank god, and even labor and delivery weren’t so hard.
But now, everything’s different. My waking moments are consumed with Brynna, and some of my sleeping moments too. Plus, it’s getting expensive. Brynna breastfeeds non-stop, which makes me ravenously hungry at all hours. Plus, she goes through diapers like crazy and she’s growing so fast that I can barely keep her clothed.
But we’re surviving. My daughter and I have each other, and my brother has been nothing but a source of support. After Joey got over his initial anger, he buckled down and we decided we would be a team. I’m grateful for that, because frankly, I don’t have anyone else.
