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“That could also explain your symptoms,” she said. “Going through major stress can manifest itself as sleeplessness and gastrointestinal distress. You definitely could be experiencing physical signs of what you’re going through. I know it’s probably the last advice you want to hear right now but try to find ways to cut down on that stress. Relax or find an activity that you enjoy that will help to take your mind off what you’re going through.”
“Um, okay,” I said.
“I know it sounds a little bit dismissive and possibly even a bit of crunchy granola to be coming from a nurse, but I promise sometimes just a little bit of self-care can be the most effective treatment for a wide range of ailments,” she said. “It’s always a joke when people say their doctor prescribed them a vacation, but it’s not so far off base. Everybody today is under so much pressure, and the first person you forget is yourself. Just taking some time to reverse that can make a world of difference.”
“That makes sense,” I said.
“Good. Now, you find some time to relax and try to get the stress down a bit. See if that helps you. And if it doesn’t, make another appointment with your doctor. She can test you for other things like ulcers, or help find some ways to manage your symptoms,” the friendly nurse said.
“I’ll do that. Thank you,” I said.
Talking to Sandy put my mind at ease a bit. Part of me had started thinking something horrible might be going on with my body. But now that she emphasized the stress I was under and how it could manifest as physical illness, it all made sense.
I wanted to think I was handling the situation with Justin extremely well. I had my flip out that first night, then the other one the night Nick came over. Other than that, I was keeping it together. But maybe I was keeping it together too much. Shoving everything down rather than expressing it was making it come out in different ways. Currently that way was making me feel completely drained most of the time and sick to my stomach a good percentage of the week.
As much as I tried to follow the nurse’s advice and find ways to let go of the stress, my life turned into a series of vignettes. It broke down to its most basic of elements, with me working and sleeping. Occasionally I emailed Nick to keep him up to date on how I was doing building up my seed money. Once or twice I met up with Trish. Then I worked more and slept more. Then I worked more and slept more again.
Before I knew it, it had been a month and my last deposit into my bank account showed I had finally reached my goal. The full amount of the seed money I needed to start my investments was there. I could barely believe it. But some of the excitement and enthusiasm was dulled by my continued issues with my stomach and my energy. I believed Sandy about the stress, but I was also back to wondering if the stomach bug had never really left, or if I had managed to reinfect myself. Maybe it was a combination.
Whatever the reason, I was done dealing with it. I reluctantly made another appointment with my doctor for later that afternoon. It gave me enough time to go by Nick’s office and let him know I was primed and ready to get investing. I could have called him, but this was something I’d been working toward for so long now, I really wanted to share that moment with him.
It seemed like the perfect bookend to the entire experience. Storming into his office unannounced and unexpected was what had started the whole journey, so that seemed like the right way to tell him I was done saving. And if I was being really honest, I would admit I wanted to see him.
It had been more than a month, which made me nervous. It also made me make sure I arrived at his office with just enough time to go in, tell him about the seed money and give him my check, and leave. Cutting it close to my doctor’s appointment meant I wouldn’t have the chance to linger there with him. That wasn’t something I could trust myself to do.
If I stayed in Nick’s office with him for more than a couple of minutes, I might not be able to control myself. Whenever I thought about Nick, the first thought that came into my mind was how much I wanted to drag him back to bed with me again. That wasn’t something I needed him to see in my eyes.
What happened between us was completely unexpected. Not that I didn’t want it. I wanted Nick like crazy. I just thought I had better control over myself. At least, I did until I had to deal with Justin again and Nick offered to do something to make me feel better. And that certainly made me feel better.
