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Only Hawk had always wondered how the older man’s pride could stand it. He knew the two times he’d almost been taken for a ride had been enough for him and since then he’d had a perfect record.
That wasn’t going to change now.
Not for Lina.
Not for anyone.
So, he’d better get his damn libido under control.
Lina played with the food on her plate, trying not to stare at Sebastian and mostly failing miserably. How could he sit there so calmly, chatting with the others after what had happened that afternoon?
Looking at him, you would never know that he’d given her the most intense and mind altering experience of her life.
Which was best. Right?
If he acted all possessive and physically affectionate, she would probably run for the hills. Emotional intimacy was not something she was used to, not to mention the physical closeness.
The truth was, the way she’d responded to Sebastian’s touch scared the life out of her. Even right now, just being in the same room with him was making it hard to breathe normally, much less focus on the conversation going on around her.
He didn’t seem to have any such problems.
What did that mean?
Suddenly their eyes met and the look he gave her made her toes curl. Okay, so he was just better at masking his feelings. Which, considering the experience she had in that regard, said a lot for his self-discipline.
Which was just another thing to love about him. Um…admire. She meant admire, right? She didn’t love him. Not yet. She might be falling, but she wasn’t past the point of no return, was she? Oh, gosh…was she? Love was a truly scary emotion. When you loved people, they had the power to hurt you. Hadn’t she learned that with her own family?
Echoes of the pain she’d felt when she finally realized her parents would not be coming to take her home still lingered in the deep recesses of her heart. She’d idolized her father, the king. So handsome, so powerful, so revered by everyone in Marwan. She’d adored her beautiful, always composed mother. At the age of six, she had not yet realized that her feelings of affection were not returned.
She’d missed them so much when she’d first come to America. She’d cried herself to sleep every night, though never in front of anyone else. She’d already learned that much control by the tender age. She’d longed for her big brother and younger sister. Lina’s heart had cracked more and more each day she remained in her aunt and uncle’s home without her parents requesting her return until it had finally shattered on the day she’d accepted that the family that she loved did not love or need her. She’d been careful not to open her heart completely to anyone since.
Not to her aunt, who treated Lina like a gift she had never expected to have. Not to her uncle who treated her better than her father ever had. Oh, she was affectionate to them, even loved them…but not as deeply as that innocent six-year-old had loved her parents.
Out of self-preservation, she’d never let herself feel that deeply again.
Until now.
CHAPTER FOUR
LINA surged up from the table, picking up her far-from-empty plate.
“What’s up, Lina-girl?” Bob asked.
“I…uh…I’m not hungry. I think I’ll go for a walk.”
Sebastian stood. “I’ll go with you.”
“No!” She took a deep breath. “I mean, finish your dinner. I feel like my own company right now.” She forced a smile to mitigate the rejection.
Sebastian frowned. “It’s not safe to walk in the forest alone.”
Lina’s roommate, Jennifer, stood. “I’m finished eating and could use a walk myself.”
“Okay,” Lina said quickly. In her current state, the other woman’s company was definitely preferable to Sebastian’s.
And from the determined glint in his eyes, Lina had a feeling she wasn’t getting out of the cabin alone. She’d spent her life coming to know what battles to fight and which ones to give in gracefully on. This situation called for partial surrender. Frankly she just wanted out of the cabin and his presence. Like now. Right this minute. Having the quiet former soldier along would not be a hardship, even if Lina preferred to be alone.
How many times in her almost twenty years had she been forced to choose the lesser of two evils?
Sebastian nodded his approval, like it was necessary. So, maybe not so different from the men in her family.
Lina immediately felt guilty for the thought. Sebastian did not treat her like a puppet without a brain.
“So, you and Sebastian a couple, or something?” Jennifer asked in her blunt manner as they stepped off the cabin’s porch and headed toward the woods.
“Uh…something. I think.”
“That doesn’t sound like you’re all that sure.”
“I’m not. I’m, uh, pretty inexperienced with guys and relationships, I guess.”
“Seriously? Because you could be a model or something with your exotic looks.”
“Look who’s talking.”
Jennifer snorted. “Yeah. Plenty of guys in the military mistook me for a dumb blonde and lived to regret it.”
“Tell me about it.” Except the living to regret it part, though she was pretty sure that when it came to her, the king of Marwan would have a rude awakening one day.
“I bet.” Jennifer looked up at the star-laden sky. “It’s gorgeous out here.”
“Yes, it is.”
Jennifer started to go toward the lake and Lina said, “Let’s go this way.”
The other woman gave her a measured look in the moonlight, but obediently took a path that went in the opposite direction to the lake.
“So, does Sebastian treat you like that?”
“Like I don’t have a brain in my head?”
“Yeah.”
“No. In fact, he’s one of the few men in my life who really listens to me and takes my opinions and thoughts seriously.”
“Sounds like a good guy.”
“He is.”
“But you aren’t sure about him?”
“Like I said, I’m pretty uneducated when it comes to the man-woman thing.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Lina considered how odd it was that she would be having this discussion with the tough ex-soldier, but then shrugged. She’d take what she could get in the way of a friendly ear. “Love scares me,” she said, surprising herself with her candor.
“You’d be pretty dumb if it didn’t, in my opinion.”
“People you love can hurt you.”
“Even when they don’t mean to.” Jennifer sounded like she knew what she was talking about.
Lina sighed in agreement.
“The thing is, they can also bring more joy into your life than anyone or anything else.”
Lina hadn’t had a lot of experience with that. Even her beloved brother was a source of both pain and joy in her life. She missed him so much sometimes. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Again that tone that said Jennifer had enough personal experience to back up what she said.
“What if he doesn’t love me?”
“Sebastian?”
“Who else?”
Jennifer laughed. “Right. Falling in love is a risk, but it’s one I’m not sure you can avoid. Even when you want to.”
“You don’t think we can control our emotions?” Lina’s mother would disagree. Vehemently.
“Not when it comes to true love. If you’re falling in love, the only chance you have of derailing your feelings is to not see him. And even that doesn’t always work.”
“I don’t want to stop seeing him.”
“Then I think you’re screwed.”
Lina was startled into a laugh. “Not yet.”
“Oh? He’s not pushing you too fast? That’s a good sign,” Jennifer said, proving she knew exactly what Lina had been thinking.
Both women burst into laughter. “I can’t believe I said that,” Lina gasped.
“I can.” Jennifer went serious. “So, you’re nervous about your feelings for Sebastian?”
“Terrified, more like.”
“What scares you the most?”
“That he doesn’t love me, too.”
“So, you do love him?”
Lina bit her lip and watched the beam of her flashlight play along the forest floor. Then, she took a deep breath and nodded as she let it out. “Yes.”
“I figured. You watch him the way I watch my fiancé.”
“You’re engaged?”
“Yes. To a national from my last posting. He’s applied for a student visa and should be here with me next year.”
