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“I bet you miss him.”
“Like a lost limb. Yes.”
“How did you know you were in love?”
“I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. At least not without a lot of pain.”
That sounded familiar. “How did you know he loved you?”
“He told me. I mean, he showed it, too, but I’m a pretty literal person. I didn’t read the signs until he admitted it out loud.”
“What were the signs you didn’t recognize at first?”
“The way he put my needs first.”
Sebastian had certainly done that. Her experience with him that afternoon had been the most intense emotional moment of her life. The way he’d touched her had been so perfect, so unselfish.
She might lack practical experience in the relationship area, but even she knew that the way Sebastian Hawk had put her pleasure first with no thought to his own was not common.
“What else?” she asked.
“Even though I was a highly trained, not to mention tough, soldier, he was really protective toward me. He worried about me.”
“Like making sure you didn’t walk alone in the woods at night?” And that wasn’t the only example of Sebastian’s protectiveness toward her. Not by far. He seemed to have a real thing for her personal safety, always lecturing her on going out alone, walking places she should drive (in his opinion anyway).
Jennifer smiled. “Yes.”
“Hmm…”
“There’s the sex thing, too.”
Lina stumbled at her new friend’s continued bluntness. “Uh, yes, there is that.”
“So, was it good?”
“We didn’t have sex,” Lina said, louder than she’d intended.
“But something did happen?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“It was indescribable.”
“Good. Sexual compatibility is a big component to a strong relationship.”
“I think maybe we’re too compatible.” Lina had behaved in a way she had never expected of herself. Her depth of feeling that afternoon scared her as much as the prospect of being in love with Sebastian.
“Trust me, there is no such thing as too compatible. If he makes you feel like fireworks are tame by comparison, you’re a lucky woman.”
“But how can I know if he felt the same?”
“Was he out of control?”
She thought of the fact that Sebastian had touched her in a semipublic place, something she was sure he would not normally do, and nodded. “To a certain extent.”
“But he maintained enough control to be what you needed?”
“And then some.” Lina was glad for the darkness because her cheeks were burning. “You think that means he loves me?”
“Could. You sound like you have a hard time believing it.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“I, um…I’m used to being seen as who I am in reference to my family. The thought of him loving me for who I am…just plain Lina Marwan…” Not a princess from a super wealthy royal family. “It’s just way outside of my usual frame of reference.”
“So, you’re from some really rich family, or something?”
“Yes.”
“You do a good job of coming off just like any other coed.”
“Thanks.”
Jennifer laughed. “I guess you work at it.”
“Definitely.” The other woman could have no idea how difficult that feat was, either. Ditching her bodyguards was nothing compared to keeping them in the background so that no one knew she had them trailing after her all of the time.
Deep in thought, Lina followed Jennifer back to the cabin. What would happen if she told Sebastian she loved him? Was that something she was supposed to do? Or was she supposed to wait for him to declare himself? She should have listened more closely when the other girls at school talked about their adolescent relationships. At least she’d have some frame of reference.
What if Sebastian did love her? What did that mean for Lina and the rest of her life? She knew her parents had every intention of choosing her husband and arranging the marriage. She doubted they would even consider her opinion before negotiating the prenuptial contract on her behalf. She would be lucky to meet her future husband before the engagement was announced.
So, what would her parents do when they discovered she’d chosen her own future mate? Oh gosh. She was getting way ahead of herself. Just because Sebastian liked kissing and touching her didn’t mean he saw a future together. That much she did know from listening to the other girls in school.
Sexual attraction did not equate to love. It was a lot easier to tell her brain that than to get her heart to accept it.
Regardless, the very fact that she wanted to date him was going to send her family into a tizzy. Considering the depth of her feelings for him, she didn’t know how long she could keep this secret. She had more impetus to do so than ever before, but she also craved his company more than she could get away with in her current schedule of ditching her bodyguards.
Why did life have to be so complicated? She was a princess, but far from making her life easier, that status only made it almost impossible to follow her own dreams. It wasn’t fair, but then she’d learned long ago that life rarely was.
Over the next few days, Sebastian showed just how in tune with her state of mind he was and how much he respected her feelings. He’d been treating her with a careful distance that helped her deal with her confused emotions and the lingering mortification she felt from almost getting caught in a hugely compromising position.
As much as she liked it, she wasn’t comfortable with the overwhelming nature of her burgeoning sexuality. Remembering how wantonly she had responded to Sebastian’s touch was only mitigated by her memory of the praise he’d given her for that response. The fact Bob had only missed seeing her half body because of Sebastian’s quick action left a feeling of shame she could not quite rid herself of.
Her mother would be furious if she knew. Heck, even her more tolerant aunt would be horrifically disappointed in Lina’s lack of control.
She’d talked about it to Jennifer; the woman had become a good friend in a very short time. The ex-soldier told Lina she was repressed. Lina had to agree, but she didn’t know how to change that. She’d spent her entire life having it drilled into her that she had to maintain control of her emotions at all cost. Amidst the miasma of feelings besetting her, one thing had become clear to Lina: the only way to completely control her reaction to Sebastian was to stay away from him. And she wasn’t willing to do that.
So, against her lifelong training, she was determined to ignore the niggles of guilt and shame that did not want to let her go. She might not be able to help the fact that she was every bit as repressed as Jennifer accused her of being, but she did not have to give into that aspect of her nature any more than she had to accept her father’s view of her identity and value in life.
Part of her wished that Sebastian would push the physical intimacy, but he had been careful not to pressure her sexually. And she had to admire him for that. She really did. It would just be easier if he made the first move. Only she got the feeling he was waiting for her to decide what she wanted and then to tell him.
Despite the distance he’d maintained since the afternoon on the lake, she did not feel rejected. If anything, he spent more time with her and was attentive to her in every way, even as he kept his physical distance.
Lina had always prided herself on not being a coward. She’d taken risks over and over again to try new things, to experience life beyond the box others tried to build around her because of her status as a princess. Sebastian and the way she felt about him was definitely worth taking another risk.
She would have to make the first move and no matter how much her repressed nature cringed at that idea, she would not be cowed by personal hang-ups.
The river rushed toward Lina, growing from a ribbon in the distance to a sparkling expanse, as details from the last time she’d seen Sebastian came into focus.
Lina had arranged to meet Sebastian at Jennifer’s apartment. She would have liked to use her own, but living with a traditional chaperone chosen by her aunt made that impossible. She was not yet ready for her family to know about Sebastian and had no intention of ever divulging the level of intimacy she hoped to attain with him on this “date.”
She’d managed to get approval for spending the night with Jennifer after her security staff ran a background check on Lina’s newfound friend. She’d been shocked they agreed to leave her at the apartment without a security detail watching, but was grateful.
Jennifer, being a true friend, had made plans to be gone for the evening. Lina was free to follow through on her determination to make the next move in her relationship with Sebastian.
