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I just looked at him.
"Lorelei arrived here with three of her uncle's people for an escort. I bribed one of them-they don't like her all that much-and she said that Lorelei and Jarek Kral had signed a contract. She didn't know the exact terms, but it involves Lorelei becoming alpha of the Pack and spells out your death. Lorelei did this because she's a naive child and she actually thinks things in the real world work like that. Jarek Kral did it because he's likely planning to either blackmail her with it or use it to his advantage in some other way. Either case, if I can get my hands on the contract, it will bite him in the ass, because it will give me proof that he plotted to murder my wife. I can legitimately kill him."
You've got to be kidding me. "I'm not your wife."
"I couldn't fight the war on two fronts," Curran said. "Something was attacking Desandra, and with everything concentrated on keeping her safe, I couldn't gamble with your life. I didn't want someone to shoot you or a giant rock to fall on your head. I couldn't be there with you because they kept me busy. I was locked into choosing between getting panacea for the Pack or keeping you alive. So I became interested in Lorelei, because if they thought I was nibbling their bait, there was no reason to kill you and risk turning you into a martyr. I've been taking her on long walks where nobody would see us, while Saiman's been walking around the castle pretending to be her, trying to find the contract and find someone who knows something about it."
"Saiman's in the castle?"
"He's been in castle the entire time except for the first night. I walked him in as Mahon the morning after the first dinner."
I knew the answer, but I asked anyway. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you can't lie, Kate. Everything you think is right there on your face. I've met kindergarteners who are better actors than you. I needed you to look jealous and worried, and I needed it to be genuine, so they would dismiss you as a possible target. The entire plan hinged on it."
Aha. "That's some plan."
"It was a good plan. I thought of it and I executed it, and it was going along fine until you decided to go off into the mountains."
I hid my face in my hands.
"Kate?" he asked.
I should have been angry and screaming, but I just felt tired and hollow.
"Kate?" he repeated. "Are you okay?"
I looked at him. "No."
He waited.
"You put me through hell because you think I'm a bad liar." My voice was completely flat. I couldn't scrape together enough feelings for anything else.
"That's not what it is."
"Yes, it is," I said quietly. "Curran, think about it for a minute. My life is in danger and you don't trust me enough to tell me about it. You have no idea how bad you made me feel."
"I was trying to keep you alive. Even if it meant we couldn't be together. Even if it meant watching Hugh making circles around you like a f**king shark. You don't trust me either, Kate. All the shit we've been through should've bought me some time, but you believed I lost my head over some girl after three days."
I didn't even hurt anymore. I just felt this empty dry sadness. "And that's exactly the problem."
"Kate?" He crouched by me, one knee on the ground, and leaned forward to look at my face. "Baby? Punch me or something."
I struggled to sort everything into words. It didn't work. I just shut down like an overloaded circuit.
"Talk to me."
Some sort of words finally came out. "Where can we even go from here . . ."
"I don't want to go anywhere. I love you. You love me. We're together. We're a team."
Suddenly my emotions sorted themselves out and anger finally ran to the front of the pack. "No, we're not a team. You made me a patsy in your scheme. You treated me like I'm an idiot. I thought about hurting her. I thought about hurting you."
"You wouldn't hurt her. She's weaker than you."
"You're an arrogant bastard."
"Fair enough," he said. "You got more?"
"Yes. You're a smug ass**le."
"Yes, I am." He motioned at me. "Don't hold back. Tell me how you really feel."
I punched him in the jaw. It was a good solid hook.
Curran shook his head. "I deserved that. Are we okay?"
"No."
"Why?"
"You still don't get it. Hugh is playing me. He thinks I'm gullible and naive, and he thinks he can run circles around me. And you, you did the exact same thing. I trusted you and you used it against me. You led me around like I was blind. We're not okay."
"What are you saying?" He was looking up at me. I saw something odd in his gray eyes and realized it was desperation.
"I'm really mad at you, Curran. This isn't one of those fights where we both lose our temper, spar, talk, and we're okay. This is my line in the sand. I don't know if I can roll with this punch."
"So this is it?"
"I'm trying to decide."
I trusted him and he broke that trust, and while I could think around it, I couldn't feel my way past it. It felt like he came up to give me a hug and slid a knife between my ribs.
Curran unlocked his teeth. "I did the only thing I could do. Everything I've done and everything I've said was to keep you alive. I'm sorry I made you go through it, but if I had to do it over, I would do it again. Even if that means you'll leave with Hugh tomorrow. You being safe is more important to me than having you. I love you."
I loved him, too. Inside me a small voice told me that in his place I would've done the same thing, no matter the fallout I had to endure at the end. Having him alive and mad at me was infinitely better than having him dead. But loving someone and being with him were two different things.
"If your father walked out of the darkness right now and said, 'Come with me, or everyone here will die,' you would go with him," Curran said. "Knowing that I would fight for you with everything I've got, you would walk away. You would leave me a note that said I shouldn't look for you, because you would want to protect me."
There was no point in lying. "Yes."
"That's my line in the sand," he said. "Would you still walk away?"
"Yes." If his life were on the line, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
"Even if I leave you because of it?"
"Yes."
He spread his arms.
"I can't change who I am," I told him. "Neither can you. I get it."
"I love you and you love me, and we're both too f**ked up for anyone else. Who else would have us?"
