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I sighed. "Well, clearly we're both crazy and this relationship is doomed."
"I love you so much," he said. "Please don't leave me."
He leaned forward. I knew he would kiss me a moment before he did, and I realized I wanted it. I remembered him holding me. I remembered him risking himself against impossible odds for me. I made him laugh, I told him things that would make most normal men run screaming, things I spent all my life keeping secret, and I drove him to the point of near-blinding rage. In my darkest moments, when everything was crashing down around me, he told me everything would be okay. The taste of him, the feel of his lips as his mouth covered mine, the way he made the world fade, as if kissing me were the only thing that existed in his life, pulled me right back through time, before the castle, before Hugh, and before Lorelei. Curran was mine. If my life were on the line, he would do it again, and I would be mad at him again. And if the reverse ever happened, he would rage and roar, and I would tell him that I loved him and that I would fight to the death to keep him breathing.
He was right. We loved each other and nobody else would put up with us.
"I'm still mad at you," I whispered, and put my arms around him.
"I'm an ass," he told me, pulling me closer. "I'm sorry. You should make my life hell for the next hundred years."
"Do we need to give you some privacy for the makeup sex?" Astamur asked.
Chapter 17
An hour or so before sunrise, Curran and I decided that we did need some privacy. We borrowed a couple of blankets and climbed the mountainside to a small ledge. We made love on the blankets and now we were lying quietly.
"Still mad at me?" Curran asked.
"Yes."
"Are you going to stay?"
I shifted my head on his biceps and looked at his face. "Yes. I'm stuck."
"How?"
"I love you too much to walk away."
He kissed my hair.
"I'm used to watching for people with swords," I told him. "I never saw the knife. You were too close."
"Kate, I didn't stab you."
"Are you sure? Because it still hurts."
"I'm sorry," he said.
"I'm sorry, too. Did you really think I would leave you?"
"I thought I would lose you either way. I've known you long enough."
He deliberately put this whole scheme into action all the while thinking I would walk away. It must've sucked being trapped, his back against the wall, desperately trying to juggle me, Lorelei, and the three packs. And in his place, I might have done the same thing. Life was complicated.
"I almost pulled the plug on it," he said. "But then I realized that any conversation with you, no matter how bad, is better than talking to a hole in the ground."
"I don't know. A hole wouldn't argue with you."
I wanted him to laugh. Instead he pulled me closer. "There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe," he said.
"I know."
We lay together, touching.
"I can't believe I let Hugh goad me into a fight. If you hadn't called me, I would've run him through, and then all of us would be dead."
A hint of a snarl raised his upper lip. His body tensed next to me, the violent urge traveling through it like fire down the detonation cord. "Every time he looks at you, I want to kill him," Curran said. "I've been picturing snapping his neck."
"I've imagined killing Lorelei. I guess your plan must've worked, because Isabella told me I have a look on my face when I see her."
"You do."
I turned to him. "What kind of look?"
"Murderous." He kissed me. "Barabas tried to attack me yesterday."
"What?"
"When Aunt B and Keira came back. I saw it in his face. He was walking to me, and George tackled him and called me a cold bastard."
"Did you hurt him?"
"No."
"You're not winning any popularity contests lately. Maybe you should work on that."
"I know. Maybe I'll be lucky and get voted out of office. If I did, would you go away with me?"
"In a heartbeat."
He finally grinned. "Good."
"By the way, why use Saiman?"
He grimaced. "I had no choice."
"He wants to stab you in the back."
"As a person, Saiman is completely amoral. But as a businessman, he's above reproach. Remember when he signed the contract?"
"Mm-hm."
"There is a provision in it that stipulates he will do everything he can to maintain our safety as a group and as individuals."
"Nice." Saiman was incredibly scrupulous when it came to business. He prided himself on it. We signed the contract and became his clients. Now the same ego that had nearly cost him his life made him work for us, because for him nothing short of a hundred percent effort would do. I just hoped his professional ethics would hold up.
The sky had grown pale. A golden glow spread from behind the mountain. The sun was about to rise. Soon we would have to go back to the castle and Hugh.
I loved Curran, and most of the time being with him was so easy. But when it was difficult, it nearly broke me. I wondered if it was like that for him, too. Being alone was simpler, but I couldn't give him up. He made me happy. So happy that I kept looking over my shoulder, as if I had stolen something and any minute someone would demand I give it back.
"This wasn't supposed to happen," I said.
"What?"
"You and me. This wasn't in the plan. The plan was to be alone, to hide, and to kill Roland. Being happy was never one of the bullet points. Some part of me is still convinced it's a fluke and eventually it will be ripped away from me. Deep down I expect it. Any hint of it and I roll down the cliff. You're mine, you know that, right? If you ever try to leave me, it won't go well."
"I don't deserve you," Curran said. The same desperate thing I saw last night flickered in his eyes. "But I got you and I'm an entitled selfish bastard. You're all mine. Don't leave me."
"I won't. Don't leave me."
"I won't. If you ever disappeared, I would leave the Pack and I would look for you until I found you. However long it took."
I knew he wasn't lying. I could feel it. He would find me.
"I'll try not to disappear."
"Thank you," he said.
* * *
When the sunrise splashed over the mountains, Astamur guided us to town, where we said our good-byes. I asked if there was anything we could do for him. He just shook his head. "Next time someone comes to you for help, help them for me. I help you, you help them, we keep it going."
