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I may not have a designer diaper bag, but I do have a way to make ends meet, and right now, that seems like more than enough.
I close the door to his closet halfway, flipping on the white noise machine before I make my escape to the living room.
I pick up the remote and turn on the TV and see the last few minutes of Jeopardy! are on.
Perfect. I grab a box of white wine from the fridge and two empty Mason jars.
A minute later, the buzzer rings and Lexi arrives just as The Bachelor begins.
"Hey, pretty mama." She leans in for a hug. "Asher asleep?"
I nod. "Thank goodness. I know it's only Monday, but already it feels like this week is gonna be a doozy."
"Well, I brought Thai food. It will improve the mood, promise."
Legs crossed on the couch, with the TV on, and containers of to go food in hand, I forget about staff meetings, teacher evaluations, and recommendation letters.
Instead, I bliss out for the next two hours with my best friend, gossiping, bullshitting, and relaxing with Chris Harrison in the background of our weekly best-friend-date.
"We've been watching this for how many seasons, and still it never gets old." Lexi laughs and I hand her a glass of boxed Pinot Grigio.
"I know, and I think it's going to be the closest I'm going to have to my own love life for a really long time. I can't imagine dating while being a single mom." I take a drink of wine, blinking back memories of Asher’s father.
He would have stayed with me that day in Miami if I had asked.
He wanted more time with me.
And I pushed him away.
And now… now I’ll never know who Asher’s father is.
"It might change, Asher is still so little," Lexi says, squeezing my knee. She's been my rock this last year. Finding out I was pregnant after her bachelorette party rocked my world and the fact that I didn't know the name of the father was a shocker to everyone I've ever known.
I was the responsible one, the put together one. The make-a-new-year's-resolution-and-stick-to-it one.
Not the one who got pregnant on spring break. To a complete and total stranger. The one who loses her virginity in a public place without using protection.
I joked with that stranger that he may have given me an STD after we had sex—but the truth is, he gave me the greatest gift of my life.
Asher is the unexpected gift I don't think I deserve. He's my whole world. My everything.
He gives my life meaning and purpose and—Lexi squeals, causing me to drop my train of thought.
"Oh, my God, do you think he's gonna give a rose to either of the girls on the two on one date?" Lexi asks.
I shove noodles in my mouth, eying the Bachelor. "I don't think either of those girls is his type," I decide.
"Yeah, but I wasn't Andy's type either, and we've been married a year now. Opposites attract."
I think back to Miami... because everything always leads me back to Miami. The day my life changed forever.
It seems like the stranger and I were opposites too. He was rich and sexy... and I was neither.
But when we were in one another's arms, when he was touching me, kissing me... it seemed like we made sense, even if only for a moment.
What would have happened if I hadn't pushed him away if I had pulled him near?
I don't know if he would have been a good father.
He fucked me like he knew what he was doing and I'm guessing being a dad would cramp his style.
The show ends in a dramatic rose ceremony and the local news comes on. We begin cleaning up our mess when a story catches my attention.
A news anchor starts talking as a photograph of a man flashes onto the screen.
I drop the leftovers, my mouth falls into an O shape, then I let out a shriek.
Lexi looks shocked, not just because I dropped the Pad Thai, but because I'm pretty much freaking out.
"What? What's happening?"
I can't speak. I just point at the TV screen and listen as the news anchor reports on the story.
"In a devastating report, we have just learned that billionaire CEO and New York City entrepreneur, Dane Westbrook has been diagnosed with kidney failure. The prognosis is not good, and with no known relatives, Dane is not expected to live through the month. While the story is shocking, Westbrook has released a statement that he is grateful to have lived such a full and abundant life, and his only regret is the fact that he has no living heirs.”
The anchor gives a sad laugh. “And that is a tragedy. Westbrook is worth nine billion dollars and a child of his would have inherited a fortune. We’ll keep you updated on this tragic story as we learn more. Westbrook has been a philanthropist and supporter of education in the greater New York area, along with having donated substantially to the public park system of New York City. Our support goes out to Dane Westbrook and his company."
