AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Sean didn't trust himself to say anything as they walked out of Serena's dorm and headed for his frat. Not only because he was so damned angry with her mother...but also because for everything Serena had ever said about wanting to stay at Stanford, he finally realized just how high the outside pressures on her were. Not only from her mom, but also from powerful movie stars like Smith Sullivan who wanted her to star in one of his films.
The truth was that when she'd brought up the movie the previous night, Sean hadn't asked for any extra details because he hadn't wanted to even think about the possibility that it might get put back on her schedule in the future. Instead, he'd stupidly wanted to bury his head in the sand and believe that nothing would ever pull her back to her old life. Exactly the way his sister had so wisely predicted it would, a handful of weeks ago.
Losing someone he loved again was his worst fear.
But how could he have stopped himself from loving Serena?
Especially when seeing her with his family today had changed something inside him, had taken the love he already felt for her and made it so much bigger. So much deeper. Even the small moments had mattered so much, like when his dog had licked her face and she'd been so carefree, so happy. He'd made a silent vow to do whatever he could to give her that happiness all the time. But the crazy thing was, it had taken her mom coming today to show him that facing the hard stuff tonight was probably the only way either of them could really get to that happiness.
Which was why, as soon as they were inside his room, he said, "Yesterday, when you found those pictures of my mom...I'm really sorry for what I said to you."
"You've already apologized. More than once. You don't have to apologize anymore, Sean."
"It just...whenever I think about what I said about you and your mom, how I refused to even try to understand why you hadn't spoken to her since you started school..." He regretted more than he could say every word that he'd flung at her about taking her mother for granted. "God, I'm an asshole, Serena."
"You're not an asshole, you just--"
"Made stupid assumptions. Really stupid ones. Because even without giving me the full picture, you gave me enough little pieces here and there that I should have put it together." He took her ice-cold hands in his to try to warm them. "My parents always completely supported me in doing whatever I wanted to do...and yet I still keep bowing to the pressures of playing baseball rather than spending time doing things I might end up liking better. I mean, I like baseball and going pro wouldn't suck. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't been good at it, if I might be more focused on photography by now. But you had no one to stick up for you, did you?"
When she replied with a soft no, he had to work like hell to rein in his fury. "You are so damned brave, Serena. Do you even see it in yourself? How strong you are?"
She didn't respond for several long moments, and he knew she was going around and around and around inside her head over decisions about the future that she felt she needed to make right this second.
Finally, she asked, "What was that like? Having a mom who loved you just the way you are?"
He'd told her she could push him, that he needed her to push him when no one else would. But now that she was, and he knew it was finally time to let it all out...it wasn't easy. Not even close. Every muscle, every tendon in his well-tuned body was poised for flight. But he'd already admitted to her that he might want to take pictures more than he wanted to play baseball, which was something he'd never said to anyone. Hell, it was something he hadn't even wanted to admit to himself, not when it was easier just to keep moving in the direction everyone believed was his destiny. But what if he--and Serena--were actually meant for different destinies? Ones that veered from her beauty and his athletic prowess? Ones that had her poring over books in libraries and had him photographing sunrises in the mountains?
"I thought everyone had a mom like mine," he finally told her. "She was home with us until Maddie started kindergarten and then she went back to teaching third grade. We used to complain about having her at school with us, because it meant we couldn't get away with anything, but we all secretly loved knowing she was there. If you fell down or felt sick or just needed to ask her a question, she was just a few doors away. And always ready to listen."
"I'm sure it wasn't a secret to her how you really felt."
"It wasn't," he agreed, able to smile about those memories for the first time in what felt like forever. "There were a lot of us to wrangle, but our house was always open to our friends, too. The six of us would often turn into twice as many in the afternoons, and it was pretty crazy, but somehow everyone knew what was on the okay list and what wasn't."
"Was she strict?"
He nodded. "It probably came from having to keep classes of kids from rolling over her, but she was also really fair. Of course, even knowing the rules, we would still get into all kinds of trouble."
"Now that I've met your brothers and sisters," she said with a little smile that he was so damned happy to see, "I can only imagine the trouble all of you must have gotten into."
"I was eight years old and stupid as a brick when I broke my wrist. Justin stopped laughing when he broke his ankle. Drew had already been through it with two broken legs by then, though."
"Two?"
"We'd see him coming in the wheelchair going a hundred miles an hour and we'd all scatter trying to save ourselves. Even Olivia and Maddie broke fingers and toes. Only Grant skated through unscathed. The stories I could tell you..." He grinned, thinking back. "Most of the time, though, even when we got in trouble, as long as no one got really hurt, she'd tell us we were all grounded or doing extra chores for the next week. But then she'd also compliment us on our creativity and would tell us to keep thinking outside the box, just to be a little smarter about it in the future."
"She would actually encourage you guys to break the rules?"
"Amazingly, she did." He laughed. "And maybe it was because she trusted us not to screw up too badly that none of us really went too far." He laughed again. "Well, except for Drew."
"What di
d he do, beyond breaking both legs and terrorizing all of you with the wheelchair?"
"It's not my story to tell, unfortunately. But I'm sure you'll be able to get it out of him one day. There's nothing he likes more than bragging to a pretty girl about what a badass he is."
Serena smiled back, but he could see it was forced this time, and he knew why. He'd brought up their future together...one that suddenly seemed uncertain.
"My mom didn't tell us right away that she was sick. She'd had a cold for a while. At least, that's what she thought it was. My dad was the one who finally insisted on taking her to the doctor. She hated doctors and hospitals, ever since she was a kid and had ended up in a hospital with pneumonia. And since she was always really healthy, it didn't seem like a big deal that she didn't go much. The cancer...it was already pretty advanced by the time they checked her out. They said--" Oh man, he'd made it this far, but suddenly he didn't know if he could get all the way through it.
He heard Serena say his name and realized that she had put her arms around him and was holding him tight. "You don't have to keep talking about your mom. It's too hard."
But even though it was the hardest thing he'd ever done, he needed to get it off his chest. Finally, get it out there. "They said that if she'd just come in for her regular exams, they probably could have caught it in time." Anger rose up inside him. "In time to save her life."
"Oh, Sean. I'm so sorry."
"I was so mad at her. So damned mad." His throat had tightened up, and it was hard to get words out past the lump that had formed. "She left us all--she died--because she was afraid of getting poked at by some doctors a couple of times a year. Damn it..." The tears he hadn't let himself shed were finally falling, and he couldn't seem to stop them. "I'm still mad. I shouldn't be, but I don't know if I'll ever get over it."
*
There was such deep, powerful love in Sean's voice when he spoke about his mom. And such pain, too. Pain that broke Serena's heart into tiny little pieces. Especially now that she knew his grief was both for losing her...and because he'd been beating himself up over his anger at how it had all come to pass.
