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"You wouldn't be so angry," she finally said while his heart beat hard and fast against her own, "if you hadn't loved her so much. And I can see why you did. She sounds like the perfect mom I always used to dream of having."
"I thought she was perfect. But she wasn't."
"When I was modeling, I always hated the word perfect and the pressure that came with it," she admitted, "especially when I knew it wasn't possible to be perfect, that someone would always find some flaw, something about me that could have been better. I was expected to be prepared for absolutely every possibility, but I was just a kid trying to do my best and I think..." She swallowed hard as he drew back to look at her. She didn't have a clue if this was the right thing to say, but needed to risk saying it anyway. "I think your mom was doing her very best. And from everything you've told me, she was awesome and amazing and fun and loving. But she wasn't perfect. None of us are."
As he continued to stare at her, she held her breath, praying she hadn't just upset him even more. Not when it was the very last thing she'd ever want to do. But then, when he finally reached out to cup her cheek, she knew it was safe to let her breath whoosh back out of her lungs.
"I thought it was going to be so hard to talk about her again." He leaned forward slightly so that his forehead was pressed to hers. "And it was, but you made it easier."
"Any time you want to talk about your mom, or anything else, I'll be there," she promised him. "No matter what else is going on--" Even if she ended up on a movie set far away from Stanford. "--I'll always drop anything to be there for you. So if you want to talk more tonight--"
But he was shaking his head, and she could feel the change in the way his fingers were stroking over her skin. From pure comfort...to the first stirrings of desire.
"I don't think we need to talk about my mom, or yours, anymore tonight." His other hand cupped the other side of her face. "Do you?"
There were a million more things they could have said to each other about the past and the future. But, suddenly, she realized he was right--they'd both gone through enough for one night. The hard decisions would still be there waiting for them in the morning.
But tonight, while they had each other, they should celebrate the one thing they both knew for sure: They loved each other.
"As the last remaining nineteen-year-old virgin on the planet," she said softly, "I used to wonder if I'd ever know for sure that I was ready, or if I'd just eventually end up having sex because I felt so behind the curve and needed to catch up." She couldn't believe she was actually smiling while speaking her most secret thoughts aloud, but that was the magic of being with Sean. Even the impossible no longer seemed out of reach. "But I've never been so sure about anyone or anything in my entire life. And I'm so glad you're my first, because I can't imagine trusting anyone else the way I trust you. I'm so glad I waited for you, that there hasn't been anyone else."
His mouth was almost over hers when he whispered, "I'm really glad there hasn't been anyone else for you, either."
And then he was kissing her, and it was their sweetest, sexiest, most incredible kiss yet. One that swam through her bloodstream like a drug she'd always crave more of.
And yet, in a night of revelations, when all she wanted to do was let herself drift away in sensation, she couldn't quite turn off her brain, couldn't stop herself from saying, "I wish--"
"Tell me, Serena. Tell me what you wish and I'll do whatever I can to make it come true."
She shook her head. "It can't happen, and anyway, it's not fair of me to ask for it."
"I'm pretty sure we've crossed a pretty big bridge tonight, one where we're not going to hold back with each other even if what we're saying isn't easy, right?" When she nodded, he said, "So, tell me."
"I can't help but wish I was your first, too."
He took her hand and put it over his heart. "You're right, I can't undo my past. But you have to know that you're the first person who has ever made my heart beat this hard. I want you around all the time. I want to bring you up in every single conversation. I thought letting myself feel again would mean feeling too much, but I couldn't resist falling in love with you. You've done more to open my eyes back up to the world I've tried to close myself off to than anyone else could have."
"You've opened me up, too," she told him. "You've helped me see and experience things I never would have trusted anyone else with."
"I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Serena. So in every way that counts, you are my first."
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Oh so slowly, Sean stripped away her crocheted sweater. He seemed surprised--in a very good way--when her tank top came off with it and he realized she didn't have anything on beneath it.
"Beautiful." The word pulsed with sensuality as he tossed her top onto the floor and cupped her breasts in his large hands. "God, you're beautiful."
Serena loved how her curves, her height, every part of her, finally felt just right when she was in his arms. "So are you." It had been true when she'd said it to him the first night they'd met, but now she knew how beautiful he was on the inside, too.
"I want so badly to love you right, but--"
"No more waiting." She was panicked that he was going to pull back again, that he might think he was doing the right thing by not making love with her tonight.
"God, no," he agreed in a fervent voice that brought her immense relief. "Tonight should be romantic and special for you...but at this point I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep from ripping the rest of your clothes off and taking you right here on the floor."
"The floor works for me." She began to open the buttons on the front of his shirt to show him that she meant it.
Thankfully, that was all he seemed to need to get over the hump of feeling he ought to treat her like porcelain because she was a virgin, and a short--very short--while later, her jeans and panties were off. She tried to take his clothes off just as quickly, but her inexperience worked against her, so he had to help her pull everything off.
Soon they were both naked and his erection was big and hot and hard against her stomach. She wanted so badly to touch him, but just as she began to run her hands down his chest, he picked her up in his arms and brought her over to the bed.
"The floor--and you touching me like that--are both going to have to wait."
He kissed away any protests she would have made, his lips taking a breath-stealing path from her mouth down to her neck and shoulders and then her breasts. She could hear his soft laughter as he teased her by kissing everywhere except her tightly peaked nipples. She loved feeling the warmth and joy of his happiness against her skin as he made his way lower, over her rib cage to her belly, his tongue flicking out against her hip bones to tease her further still.
But when his mouth came down over her sex and she arched into his touch, she wasn't able to think at all anymore. Wasn't able to do anything but feel. And want more. And then more again until she needed him inside her right that second.
She gripped his hands and pulled him up her body. "Now," she said against his lips, tasting herself on them. "I need you now."
She was so desperate for him that she almost forgot about protection. Thankfully, he'd already taken care of it, so that the next thing she knew he was poised between her thighs. Hard. Big. Beautiful.
Hers.
Led by both her body and her heart, Serena lifted her hips up to him at the exact moment he moved inside her for the very first time.
"Serena?"
She'd stilled beneath him, but not because she was in pain. Coming together with him like this, letting go of her final barriers and her lingering fears that she'd never find anyone who truly loved her for who she really was, felt so good.
So amazingly, incredibly good, that she wanted to savor every second of it.
"I love you."
The words fell from her lips even as she lifted her hips higher to take him deeper. And all the while, as he finally made her his in the most incr
edible way possible, he also told her how much he loved her. How beautiful she was. How good she felt wrapped around him. How hot, how wet she was for him. She drank in every sweet and sexy word in the same way she soaked up the delicious friction between their bodies as, inch by inch, he thrust all the way inside her.
For a few moments, as he pulsed hot and huge and perfect inside of her, they simply stared at each other in wonder. Neither of them spoke, but they didn't need words, didn't need anything other than the warm press of her lips on his, the sweet caress of his hands over her bottom as he cupped her to fit them together even more deeply, and the instinctive rocking of their hips in perfect unison.
