Page 56 of The Golden Pecker


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Like a medieval king who just gorged on several platters of chicken legs to the point where he could no longer move, I perched in a chair and groggily said my “hello” to old acquaintances and friends who passed by me.

Audria found me about two hours later and shook her head. “You are so ridiculous. It literally looks like you’re pregnant right now. How much did you eat?”

I waved my hand. Truth be told, I was a little drunk, despite all the food weighing me down like a delicious little anchor. “Enough.”

She laughed. “You’re going to be a real catch for your date tonight, assuming his line is strong enough to pull in a blue whale.”

I lifted my arm to point warningly at her but lost my balance in the chair and slumped over. I let out a defeated sigh. “As soon as I’m mobile again. I’m going to get you for that.”

“This looks a little self-destructive, even by your standards. Is this about Landon?”

I looked her in the eyes and shook my head. “If Landon saw me right now, I’d tell him to suck on a bone.”

Audria watched me with raised eyebrows. “I don’t know what that means. Is that a sexual thing, or…”

“It’s dangerous. Chicken bones splinter and can cut up your insides. So, I’d be telling him to do something dangerous. Because screw him.”

“Right. That sounds super dangerous. If he was a dog. You might as well tell him to go swimming right after he eats because you hope he gets a cramp and maybe drowns.”

“Okay. I’d tell him to pull the pin on a grenade and shove it up his ass, how about that?”

“That’s great, but I’m pretty sure you can’t just go buy a grenade from Wal Mart. You’ve got to have some kind of military license and so on.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I’m way too drunk and stuffed to be having this conversation right now.”

Tommy made his way through the crowd from behind Audria. I inwardly cringed a little. I felt like Jabba The Hut right now. Meesa made a mistake. “Hey, Tommy,” I said. “Did you try the appetizers?”

“Andi did,” Audria said. “All of them. Like six times. I’m sure she can give you some suggestions if you’re wondering about any of them.”

Tommy smiled. “You look a little wiped out. Want to get out of here?”

Audria gave him a look. “I think she’s a little too far gone to go somewhere alone right now, actually.”

“Oh, no. Not alone. I mean you can come, too. Assuming you are as over this party as I am.”

“Unless you have a wheelbarrow,” I said. “I don’t think I’m moving. Or one of those mobile, electric scooters like they have at grocery stores. Whirrrr,” I said, chuckling and holding my hands up to pantomime scootering out of there.

I knew I’d gone overboard on the drinks, but I didn’t realize by how much until it felt like somebody started skipping pages on my night. One minute, I was making an idiot out of myself in front of Tommy and my sister. The next, both of them were hauling me back to my room. Then we were watching a movie. Then Audria was sleeping on the bed with me and Tommy was dozing on the couch. After that, I didn’t remember anything.

By morning, I thought my head was going to split itself open. I sat up in bed, wincing and pinching my temples. Audria stirred beside me.

She groaned and threaded her fingers together above her head. Her hair was a dark, tangled mess. “Do you still need a babysitter, or can I go to my own room now? I was hoping to get some work done on my thesis before the wedding.”

I looked past her to the couch, where Tommy was still asleep. I felt bad for him. He might have been a little aggressively outgoing for my tastes, but I had to admit he was a nice guy. Sweet, even. I’d also hardly given him a chance yet. We had our awkward introductions in my room last night, and the next thing I saw of him, I was drunk out of my mind. “Thank you for staying with me,” I said. “But I’m fine now. Just a hangover the size of Schwarzenegger.”

She gave me a mock salute, got out of bed, and quietly slipped out of my room. I scooted back and sat up against the headboard, trying to decide where I wanted to go from here. For all I knew, Tommy was going to wake up and try to find his way out of my life as soon as possible.

Images of Landon flashed in my mind. Dark images. I saw him with the shadows from the club playing across his cruelly perfect features. I felt his hot breath between my legs in the locker room of the aquarium and I remembered the taste of his thumb between my lips. Like usual, my body reacted to the memories. My stomach flooded with heat and I had to press my thighs together to fight the hungry pulsing between my legs.

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