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“You need to relax,” I say to her.
“Yeah? How many times have you had someone feeling around your cervix?” she mutters.
You’d be surprised, I answer her in my head.
“I can’t check if you don’t relax,” I say. “Just breathe in and out. Let yourself relax as much as you can,” I soothe her. She finally relaxes long enough for me to feel that she’s five centimeters dilated.
“How’s that?” she asks, puffing out the breath she’s holding onto.
“Good. Okay, we need to get you to the hospital soon.” I turn to Matt. “The contractions are only a few minutes apart. I’m worried the ambulance won’t get here in time,” I say, low enough for only him to hear.
“Okay, so what do you suggest?” he asks, frowning at me.
“Can you drive us to the hospital?”
“I can if you stop talking to me like I’m five,” Matt whines.
I laugh. “I’m sorry; I’m just trying to keep you as calm as possible.”
He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I do appreciate you being here,” he mutters. “Yeah, I’m okay to drive. If you weren’t here, I’d be freaking the fuck out, but right now I’m okay.”
“Good. Let’s get Annie ready to go,” I instruct him.
We help Annie down to the car and carefully lie her down in the back. My plan was to sit next to her, but she’s taking up the whole seat. Instead, I sit in the front with Matt. I turn around and face her the whole time, holding her hand and trying to keep her mind off the fact that this baby could pop out at any moment. I’m half expecting to be pulling over on the side of the freeway to have this baby at some point soon, but somehow, we manage to make it to the hospital.
Matt races inside to get an orderly, returning a few minutes later with one in tow. I stand back, my heart pumping as he helps her onto it. It feels weird to take a step back and let him do his job when I’m so used to getting in there and helping.
I follow them inside, but hang back in the waiting room, because this is their moment and I want them to enjoy it without feeling bad for me. I sit down, glancing around anxiously because now I’ve got nothing but time on my hands to think. I text Mom and Luke to let them both know what’s going on, then I try to relax.
After fifteen minutes of waiting, I stand up. If anything, my anxieties have worsened, so when I look up and see Luke walking through the door, I’m relieved for all of two seconds—until I remember that we haven’t had the conversation yet. I don’t particularly want to have it now with screaming babies in the background either, but I’m not convinced that I’m not going to randomly burst into tears at some point soon.
“Hey,” he says. He smiles at me and wraps his arms around me, kissing me on the forehead. “Any news?”
“Not yet. Matt was freaking out pretty hard,” I say, chuckling. “I’d hate to see how this would have gone down if I wasn’t there.”
“I’d put my money on badly.”
We wait in silence, neither of us saying much, which, given that it’s four in the morning, isn’t surprising. I’m too scared to say anything because I’m feeling pretty emotional all of a sudden. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep or because I know I still need to tell Luke. I just prefer for it not to be while my sister-in-law is having a baby. I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and kisses me.
“Are you okay?” Luke asks as I try and block out the cries of tiny infants. “Sounds like someone’s not happy,” he jokes. “There’s always one. I bet if we walked around there and peered into that nursery today and next week, it would be that same kid screaming out. It’s like puppies. There’s always one, sitting at the bars chewing on it and screaming to get out.”
I stare at him in mock horror.
“Did you just compare my new niece or nephew to a screaming puppy?”
“No,” he says defensively. “I compared someone else’s child to a screaming puppy. So, are you excited?” he adds after a moment.
“I am.”
And that’s the truth. I’m really excited about meeting my little niece or nephew and holding that tiny bundle in my arms. Who am I kidding? I’m fucking terrified. I’m not sure what kind of emotions that’s going to bring out. That’s what scares me more than anything else because it’s a situation I can’t control.
And we all know how much I like control.
