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Matt bursts through the doors. We’re the only ones in the waiting room, which is a good thing, because he can’t contain his excitement. He races over to me, a dazed expression on his face as he throws his arms around me.
“We’ve got a daughter,” he chokes out. He shakes his head, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Holy shit. I’ve got a daughter. I’m a fucking dad.”
Mom races in, looking out of breath and wide-eyed.
“Has it happened?” she asks while trying to catch her breath. Matt nods and falls into Mom’s arms, sobbing like a baby.
“I’ve got a daughter. You’re a grandma, Mom.”
Mom cries and hugs Matt. They dance around the room together, laughing and crying, while I stand back a little, feeling lost. The last thing I want to do is make this special moment about my problems. Matt glances over at me. He looks like he’s about to say something, so I shake my head and mouth to him that I’m okay. He nods and glances at Luke.
He’s probably wondering if I’ve told him.
“Want to meet her?” Matt asks.
“Hell yes,” Mom and I say at the same time.
We walk into Annie’s private room. She looks exhausted as she clutches the tiny bundle against her chest. I get close enough to the bed to peer down at that tiny little face, and I nearly lose my shit. She’s so cute, wrinkles and all. That little squished up face is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. I wipe away tears. I’m emotional, but they’re not sad tears. They’re happy because this is one of the most incredible moments of my life. I’m not sure anything can top this.
“Do you want to hold her?” Annie asks
“I’d love to.”
I ignore the concerned look on Mom’s face as I ease the baby into my arms. She cries for about a second and then nestles against me. When she reaches out and clutches onto my finger, my heart breaks for everything I can never have. How can I feel so sad and so happy at the same time? It’s like my emotions are fighting it out inside me, and I’m not sure who’s going to win.
“Such a little sweetheart,” I say, unable to draw my eyes away from her.
I’m exhausted, tired, emotional, and a complete mess, but I cradle her for a little while longer before I pass her over to Luke. Watching him hold her breaks my heart all over again. The look in his eyes and the way he’s gazing at her is almost too much for me to take. There’s no way this is going to end well for me. He’s made to be a father. I look away, blinking back tears, I walk over and give Matt a hug and kiss him on the cheek.
“Congratulations,” I whisper. “She’s perfect.” I glance from him to Annie. “Do you guys have a name?”
Annie looks at Matt and smiles.
“Elina.”
“I think that suits her perfectly,” I say with a smile.
“Go home,” Matt says kissing me on the forehead. “Get some sleep. God knows you deserve it.”
I don’t argue with him because I am pretty wrecked.
“Okay. I’ll come in tomorrow after work,” I say.
I walk over and give Mom a kiss, while Luke reluctantly hands Elina back to Annie. Mom lifts my face up, so she can study me. I hate it when she does that because she sees right through my façade.
“Are you okay?” she asks gently.
I smile at her, trying to keep the sadness out of my voice.
“Not really, but I will be.”Chapter ElevenLukeFor the next few days, things are strained. I can’t quite describe the feeling in the air at the moment, other than to say it’s flat. Laura has taken on some extra shifts, and when she’s not working, she’s over helping Matt and Annie. With my own long hours and trying to get things ready for my new place, I haven’t really seen much of her at all. I know it’s only going to get harder to find the time to spend with each other when we’re not living under the same roof.
Neither of us has bought up the fact that I’m moving out soon. Part of me thinks that we should be discussing it, because I could be very easily convinced to stay here. Sure, this relationship has moved fast, but neither of us can deny that we’re serious about each other.
Well, I can’t, at least.
Maybe what I need to do is show her how much she means to me.
If I do something romantic and spontaneous to assure her that things aren’t going to change when I move out, it might help both of us feel more secure. I check her roster. She finishes work at six. I ask Lewin if I can finish at five, blaming a family emergency.
