AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I sit down on the couch, hugging a cushion, while Luke disappears into the kitchen. He comes back a few minutes later with two beers.
“It was this or some funky looking yogurt you should probably think about throwing out.”
I smile at that and take my beer, then flick on the TV. We both stare at it absently. I’m not watching it, and I don’t think he is, but it’s better than the silence that was dominating the room.
“Are you okay?” I ask him.
I feel like it’s all I’m saying, but what else is there?
He nods and then shakes his head. “I don’t know. I can’t put into words what I’m feeling, because my thoughts are all over the place. I’m just…” He sighs and then covers his face with his hands. “I’m calm one second and then terrified out of my mind the next. I’m just… a mess.”
He frowns at me.
“And I haven’t even asked you how you’re doing. I can’t even imagine how this must be for you.” He takes my hand and kisses it. “I’m so sorry, Laura. I’ve ruined everything,” he mutters.
“It’s okay,” I whisper.
My heart races as he leans over and kisses me on the lips. His eyes plead with me, but I don’t know what for. I can feel his pain and it’s breaking my heart because I want to reassure him, but I can’t.
“I might just go to bed. I think I just need to…”
He doesn’t even finish the sentence. He just gets to his feet and walks out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Switching off the TV, I sit there in the darkness with my head resting back and stare at the ceiling. I’m doing my best not to fall into a cycle of self-pity, and make this about me, but it’s hard. Sometimes I just feel like it never ends, because it’s one cruel twist after another.
I’m not sure how much more I can take.Chapter Thirteen
LukeI lie there awake, staring into the darkness for the whole night, until dawn begins to break. At some point, Laura joins me, but I pretend to be asleep, until I hear the soft sounds of her snoring. When I’m sure she’s sleeping, I sneak out of the bed and sit on the couch. It’s cold, but I don’t care. I’m too numb to care about anything. I feel like my whole life is a lie because I’ve had this huge part kept from me. Every time I close my eyes, I see Maya’s face, which is strange, because I haven’t thought about her in nine years. Maybe that was the problem. If I’d kept in contact, then she might have told me about Allie, I rationalize to myself.
I don’t start work until eight, but I decide to go in early.
I thought the distraction would help, but all I end up doing is sitting in the staffroom, alone, waiting for my shift to begin. Ironically, exactly what I was doing at home, anyway.
I toss my phone from one hand to the other. I look down, startled, when it vibrates loudly. I unlock it and navigate to the new message waiting for me. It’s the realtor, letting me know that my apartment is ready for me to move into. I frown at the message, because it’s just another problem I’m in no condition to face today. Sighing, I shove my phone in my pocket and lean back against the chair. My head pounds from lack of sleep and the fourteen coffees I’ve had are making me jittery.
Maybe I should’ve just called in sick.
“You’re here early.”
I look up and see Lewin, leaning against the doorframe. He stares at me, his usual frown on his face. I stand up and nod at him. I hate him seeing me like this.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Great. Then you’ll be in fine form to assist me in Ben’s heart transplant.”
My head shoots up. Did I hear him right?
“You mean his mechanical heart?” I clarify.
“No. A match just came in. He’s getting his transplant today. A real heart.”
I stare at him, my eyes wide. “Are you serious?”
Lewin frowns at me. “Am I the kind of guy to joke around?”
“That’s true.”
I laugh because I can’t believe it. This is just what I need to get me through today.
“So, what do we need to do?” I ask.
“Well, I need to prepare Ben for a seven-hour open-heart surgery.”
“And me?” I wait anxiously.
“You need to go home and get some rest,” he replies. He sighs as he looks me in the eye. “You’re in no condition to help me out with this. You know that as well as I do.”
“Are you kidding me?” I glare at him. “After everything I’ve done to help that kid, you’re not going to let me assist?”
“If I did, you’d probably end up killing him. You want that on your conscience? Look at yourself. You’re a mess, Luke. Be thankful that he’s getting his heart and leave it at that. By all means, sit in the galley and watch, but I can’t let you in there.”
