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I curse under my breath and stalk past him. Out in the corridor, I run straight into Laura. She frowns at me, her smile faltering when I don’t return it.
“Are you okay?” she asks. “You left early,” she adds.
“Ben is getting a new heart.”
“Isn’t that good news?” she asks softly.
“Sure. Only Lewin doesn’t think I’m fit to be in there, helping out.” My voice is flat, which is ironically exactly how I feel. She frowns and glances down. I shake my head. “And you don’t think I should be in there, either. Fucking great.”
“Did you sleep at all last night?” she asks softly. “Put yourself in his position,” she adds when I don’t answer. “Would you want you in that surgery?”
“I have to get out of here,” I mutter. “I’ll see you later.”
I push past her and race outside, stalking over to my car. I open the door, but just as I’m about to get in, a hand shoots out to stop me. I turn around to glare at the person and find Laura standing there.
“Can I show you something?” she asks.
I start to protest, but she slips under me and slides in behind the wheel. I give up and walk around, getting in the other side, because I don’t have the energy to argue with her.
“Where are we going?” I ask her as she takes off.
“You’ll see.”
A few minutes later, we pull up outside a hotel. I shake my head. Is this some ploy to get me to sleep? It wouldn’t matter where I was; here, at home, or my car. I wouldn’t be able to sleep.
“This isn’t going to work,” I say. I’m frustrated, because all this is doing is wasting her time and money.
“Humor me.”
She frowns at me until I give in and get out of my car. I follow her inside, standing back while she speaks to the receptionist. A few minutes later, she takes my hand and leads me to the elevator. We ride up to the tenth floor and then get out. I follow her down the hallway, not saying a word. She stops outside number one twenty-four, a satisfied smile on her face, then she unlocks the door. She walks in, with me following her. I stand there and stare at her as she sits down on the bed and studies my face.
“Do you know where we are?” she asks.
“A shitty hotel?”
“Not just a shitty hotel. This used to be the children’s hospital before they built a new wing at Mercy. This very spot where I’m sitting is where I spent three weeks recovering from my first major surgery when I was thirteen. There used to be a hospital here before they built this hotel.”
I stare at her. I had no idea she’d been through anything like that.
“What happened?”
“I was in and out of the hospital for a lot of my teen years, but what was wrong isn’t the point. You think I cared who did that surgery? No. What made the difference to me was the intern who sat on my bed for two hours that morning, explaining to me what they were going to do. And the resident who used to let me beat him at poker every afternoon, just to take my mind off things. He spent his lunch break with me. They’re the names I remember, because they made the difference to me.”
“Why did you bring me here?” I ask, even though I already know the answer
“Because I see how much you care about patients, like Ben, and then you rip yourself apart because of it. I wanted to show you that those kind of doctor’s matter too. That you matter.” She pauses for a moment and looks up at me. “Ben doesn’t care if you’re in that operating room or not. He cares if you’re there for him before and after.”
“You’re amazing. You know that?” I walk over and sit down next to her.
“I’m just pointing out what you already know,” she says.
I lie back and rest my head in her lap. She gently strokes my hair as I close my eyes, then she leans over and kisses my forehead. I sigh, remembering something else.
“I got a text from the realtor. My apartment is ready for me to move in.”
“That’s great,” she says.
“Is it?” I gaze up into her eyes, trying to figure out if she really means that or not. “Yesterday, I was all ready to tell you that I didn’t want to move out. Now I feel like after everything that’s happened, staying wouldn’t be fair to you.”
I reach for her hand, because there is so much I want to tell her. Once I start opening up to her, it all wants to come tumbling out. And that’s probably for the best. I need to get all of this out now. Even if it kills me.
