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“More than anything, I want you to be okay with Allie, but I know I have to respect that this is a big thing to accept and it’s going to take time. I don’t think it’s fair to have Allie come over to your place while you’re doing that. Maybe me moving out would be the best thing, at least until we know where we both stand.”
I look at her, wishing she would say something, but she won’t even meet my eyes. My heart pounds. All I want is to hear her say that everything is going to be fine.
“Now would be a great time for you to say something,” I add anxiously.
“The problem is I don’t know what to say.” She takes a deep breath and forces herself to look me in the eye. “I wanted you to stay, more than anything…”
“And now?”
“I don’t know.” She looks like she’s about to cry. “I don’t want to be the reason you don’t get to know your daughter. Maybe you should focus on your relationship with Allie, and then work out where we stand.”
I open my mouth to argue, but then I don’t. I haven’t slept properly in days. Now isn’t the time to be making major decisions that will affect the rest of my life. I stifle a yawn, fighting the urge to close my eyes, but I’m so tired.
I could so easily fall asleep…I open my eyes and look around, taking a moment for them to adjust to being awake. I’m still lying on the bed, with my head resting in her lap. I sit up and rub my eyes, stifling a yawn. I think I feel worse than before, if that’s even possible.
“What time is it?” I yawn. “I can’t believe I actually fell asleep.” I shake my head, and then cringe when I remember what we were talking about.
“You’ve been asleep for nearly six hours.” She smiles.
“Well, shit. I guess I needed it.”
“We can go back to the hospital, so you can watch the surgery up in the galley, if you like?” she asks.
“That would be good,” I say, gratefully. “Thanks for bringing me here and telling me about what happened to you.” I glance around the room again and shake my head, smiling for the first time all day. “They really tore down a children’s hospital to build this shitty hotel?”
She laughs and nods. “If it were a good hotel, I could kind of understand it, but this?” She shakes her head. “The first time I came here it felt so weird. Lying here in the dark now, all I could think about was how all those years ago I was in this very spot, feeling just as alone and scared.”
“What was the surgery for?” I ask her.
She’s quiet for a moment, then she speaks.
“I had a reproductive disorder that meant my body produced large cysts. Sometimes they just kept growing. When I was fourteen, one burst and became infected. It nearly killed me. I was in the hospital for weeks recovering, which led to more surgeries…”
“That must’ve been rough,” I say, feeling for her. I had no idea she’s been through so much.
She nods. “It was, but it could’ve been worse. I mean, I survived, right? I’m still here. Apparently, it could have easily gone either way.”
She pauses and looks up at me, her eyes meeting mine.
“There’s more,” she mutters. “I have to tell—”
She stops when my phone interrupts her. I glance down as it vibrates madly in my hand, my heart stopping when I see the message. It’s a page from Lewin, telling me to get back to the hospital ASAP.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“What is it?”
“Lewin paged me. He wants me there now.”
I stare at the alert, my heart pounding. This can’t be good. Laura stares at me for a moment then she nods and gets to her feet.
“Let’s go, then.”We check out of the hotel and race to the car. Laura insists on driving, and given how anxious and scared I’m feeling, it’s probably not the worst idea. I stare out the window, annoyed that the traffic is stopping us from getting there faster.
“He must have died.”
Laura glances at me. “You don’t know that.”
“Why else would Lewin page me?”
She doesn’t answer. She reaches over and squeezes my hand, trying to reassure me.
We pull into the parking lot and I jump out while Laura finds a parking spot. I race inside, sprinting down to the other end of the hospital, toward the operating rooms. I stop at the board and search through the schedule for Ben’s name, but I can’t find it.
I’m too late, a voice inside my head says.
“Did you find him?” Laura asks. She pants, her cheeks flushed red, like she ran here. I shake my head, and then she grabs my arm. “Luke. Down there.”
