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“At the rate she’s going, it won’t be long,” Kendall replies.
I nod, answering a text from Amelia, and sliding my phone back in my pocket. She and I are not as close as she is with Kendall and Reagan, but I didn’t grow up with them. However, she’s been great reaching out to see if we need anything. That leads me to now, and I know Mark’s not going to like what I have to say.
“So, Amelia should be here in a few hours. That means you can go home and get back to your life,” I tell Mark from across the table.
He drops his napkin to the table and glares at me. “What are you talking about?”
“I know you don’t want me here alone, and Amelia is still looking for a job. She just wrapped up her last temp job she was doing and volunteered to come and sit with me.”
“We don’t need her here.”
“You’re right,” I agree with him. I hate that this is upsetting him, especially in front of our friends, but I needed them as a buffer. “I’m doing okay now. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you were here for me, but you have a job to get back to.”
“As his boss, I’ve put him on indefinite family leave.” Ridge leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. I knew this was going to be a fight. “I appreciate that, I do,” I tell Ridge, before turning my gaze to Mark. He’s sitting the exact same way as Ridge, his arms crossed over his chest, gearing for an argument. “I couldn’t have done this without you. You’ve been my rock since we’ve been here, and I’ll never be able to tell you how much that means to me. I’ll never be able to return that favor to you. I needed you and you were here, no questions asked.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “I appreciate you, but I can’t let you put your life on hold because my sister made bad choices. You have a job, bills to pay, family, friends. You need to go back to your life.”
“I’ve told you, I’m where I’m supposed to be. And I could say the same for you. You have a job, bills to pay, and friends to come home to.”
“I’ve taken a leave of absence.”
“So have I,” he counters.
“Mark,” I sigh.
“Dawn,” he mimics my tone.
“We’re just going to clean this up and try to go sneak a peek at Daisy.” Kendall stands and Ridge follows suit. They quickly gather our trash, toss it into the trash can, and disappear out of the room.
It’s just the two of us.
“Why are you fighting me on this?”
“Why are you fighting me?” he challenges.
“This is something that I need to do. I need to learn to handle these kinds of situations on my own. I need to be able to take care of her. Me. I’m her legal guardian. I’m the one with a sister for a fuck-up. I’m the one now responsible for a little girl who has no one else. That’s all on me. Not you. You didn’t sign up for this.”
“Neither did you.”
“She’s the only family I have left.”
“Really? Am I not your family?”
“You know what I mean,” I say, exasperated.
“No, actually, I don’t know what you mean. What I’m hearing is that I’m nothing to you. That we’re not building a life together. That you want to do it all on your own. What about what I want? What about me, Dawn?”
“You’re such a good man,” I say softly. “You’re honorable and dependable, and I know you well enough to know that you will never walk away from us.”
“You’re damn right. Why would I?”
“Because we’re not yours,” I whisper the words to hide the crack in my voice. Although the crack in my heart is just as loud, I’m sure he can hear it from across the table.
His face turns to stone. “That may be,” he says, his voice gruff, “but you, and that little girl in there, you’re mine. I might not be yours, but you’re mine and I want to be here.”
Oh, God. I knew this was going to be hard, but I never imagined this is how things would end up. I don’t want to push him away. I just want him to go back to his normal life. I don’t want my sister’s actions to control his future too. “Go home, Mark.” The words taste sour in my mouth.
“You can’t make me leave.”
“I can. I’m going to remove you from the list. You won’t be able to have access to her. There is no reason for you to stay.”
“What the fuck?” He stands, his chair flying back to hit the wall. “Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?”
He knows me too well. “It’s better this way. You need to go back to life as a single guy. You didn’t sign up for a girlfriend with an infant niece she’s responsible for, who’s coming off her mother’s addiction to pills.”
“I signed up for you,” he says. His voice is deathly calm, but his hands that are fisted at his sides and the tic in his jaw tells a different story.
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”
“That’s life, Dawn. It’s messy and complicated, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
I see Ridge, Kendall, and Amelia through the glass heading toward us. “Please, just go,” I say, rushing out of the room. I hear Kendall and Mark both call out for me, but I don’t stop. I keep going until I’m in the bathroom at the other end of the hall.
“Hey.” Amelia approaches me where I stand with my hands braced against the sink, head hanging down as I try to hide my tears. “What happened back there?”
I look up at her and a sob breaks from my chest. “I’m in love with him.”
She nods. “Then why are you pushing him away?”
“Because I love him. He didn’t sign up for this. My fucked-up family, my fucked-up life. He deserves to find a woman he can have kids with, not a ready-made family with a little girl who could have a host of issues due to her mother’s drug use. It’s going to be hard, and I can’t ask him to stick around for that.”
“Did you ask him?”
“What?” I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“Did you ask him? Did you say ‘Mark, I need you to stay?’”
“No, of course not. I mean, yes, I asked him to come here with me that night. I thought I was seeing my sister and her baby for the first time. Thought I would say hello and we could go back to our lives. That all changed the minute my sister skipped out.”
“I know. I’m sorry that you’re going through this so soon after losing your parents. If anyone knows what you’re going through, it’s me.”
“How could you possibly?” I scoff.
“Let’s just say life is complicated, and I’ve learned firsthand how that messes with you. I can also see that you’re hurting yourself and him, for no reason. He wants to be here.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that,” I say, wiping more tears as they fall. “But what about a month from now? What happens when he wants to go out and I can’t because Daisy is having a bad day, or I don’t have a sitter? What happens when he wants to spend the day lazily in bed, and she’s sick or crying or… I don’t know… anything? The life we had is not the same. Not anymore.”
“I get that. I do. However, did you give him the chance to choose?” she questions.
“No. You know him. Hell, all five of them. They’re honorable and dependable and he would never walk away from me.”
“I agree with you, but I think you have it wrong. Sure, he’s honorable and dependable and I agree with you that all five of them, the group, they’ve been thick as thieves my entire life. They’re the kind of guys you want forever with. Which is why I’m baffled that you’re doing this, but even more so—” She pauses, shaking her head. “Even more so, that man loves you, Dawn. He loves you and you’re ripping his heart out. He’s not here because he’s honorable or dependable. He’s here because his heart tells him this is where he needs to be.”
“I love him too much to let him stay.” Pulling a tissue from the box on the counter, I blow my nose and wipe my eyes. “Thank you for being here. I needed someone here or else I know he?
??ll never leave. Once he’s gone, you can go. Thank you for making the drive and being here. I know you don’t understand it, and honestly, I’m not sure that I do either. What I do know is that this hurts. The only other time I’ve felt this kind of loss was lo-losing my parents.” I choke back a sob. “I have to do this now before he does it later.”
“You’re making a mistake.”
“I know. He’s never going to forgive me, and my heart, it won’t either.” Tossing my tissue in the trash, I wash my hands and walk out the door. I don’t look for him, or for Kendall or Ridge; instead, I go straight to the nursery, knock on the door, and wait for them to let me in. I change into my hospital-issued attire and go sit next to Daisy’s bed. The tears flow freely. I know this is a mistake. Nothing that makes your heart hurt this bad is a good idea, but I love him too much to saddle him with this.
