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She smiles softly. “I deserve that. But no, I promise you it has nothing to do with Seth.”
“Then why can’t you tell me? We used to tell each other everything.” I think back to the night she was attacked in college. As far as I know, I’m the only person she’s ever told. “I’ve kept your secrets,” I say as a reminder of what we’ve been through.
“I was so scared he was going to….” Her voice trails off. She doesn’t need to finish her thought for me to know what she’s thinking. It’s a blessing she was able to get away when a group of students rounded the corner. That night could have ended so much worse than just having a fear of the dark and a distrust in men.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“Don’t be mad at Seth. Please. I’ve never seen either of you this way. He loves you.”
“I love him too.”
“It was one night, a drunken mistake never to be discussed again. I don’t feel anything for him except for long-time friendship. Please don’t let this get in the way of your happiness.”
“Technically we weren’t even dating. I mean, we were texting back and forth but as friends. Neither one of us had said we were interested. That didn’t happen until I moved here. Sure, I guessed and some of the things I said, some of the things he said implied it, but we never spoke the words until… after.”
“After I slept with him. I’m sorry, Mara. I had no idea you two were even talking to one another. Not that I could have prevented what happened. Well, I could have not drunk myself into oblivion, but I wanted to forget,” she says, and her eyes widen at her confession.
“Tell me, Amelia.”
“He loves you.”
“I know that.”
“Don’t take this out on him. You’ve seen us together. Did you see anything between us?”
I think back to the day she was there and we had breakfast. That’s happened a few times over the past couple of months, and she’s right. I never would have guessed that anything ever happened between them. “No.”
“Exactly, because there’s nothing there. I want you to be happy, both of you. He called me and I swear he sounded on the verge of tears.”
My eyes well up just at the thought of him being upset. “I told him I was coming back. I left my daughter with him. Of course I’m coming back.”
“Yes, but are you going to stay?”
“I want to. I want to believe that this life he has dreamed up is one we can live happily ever after. I’ve never felt this kind of love before. I love Finley with all that I am, but this… it’s different. I can’t think about him without getting this warm tingly feeling. I know it sounds crazy, and I can’t even explain it to you. I just know that it’s there and no one has ever made me feel that way but Seth.”
“Then love him, Mara. Let him love you. Don’t punish him for this. It meant nothing to either of us.”
“He wants us to move in. Did he tell you that?” She nods. “Did he tell you that he spent the day painting one of the bedrooms to match Finley’s room? He said he wanted her to feel at home.” I wipe a tear from my eye.
“He didn’t tell me that, but I’m not surprised. I know you’re scared, but there is nothing to be afraid of. That man will be by your side until the end of time. That’s who they are, Mara. All five of them. You’ve found a good one in Seth.”
I know she’s right; I feel it deep in my soul. The love he has for me and for my daughter. I don’t want this to get in the way of what we’re building or the future he sees for us, or the one I’ve dreamed of having one day. Seth is the man who’s making my dreams come true. As soon as I figure out what’s going on with my friend, I’m going to pack Finley and me a bag and I’m going home. To my family.
“I know you’re scared, but there is nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be here for whatever you need. That’s who we are, Amelia. You came into my life and gave me a person. You were there for me when I had no one, and now it’s my turn to be that for you. I’m here for you. No matter what’s going on, I’ll be by your side.”
I watch as she loses the battle with her emotions and a sob breaks free from her chest. Taking her coffee and mine, I set them on the table and pull her into a hug. Her sobs bring tears to my eyes. I’ve never seen her like this. Not even the night back in college when she was almost raped.
“I’m right here,” I tell her, holding her and offering her comfort. “You can’t hold this in. Whatever it is, you have to talk about it.” I don’t know how long I hold her, but eventually, her cries quiet down and she shudders, pulling away from me.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. That’s what friends are for.” My phone vibrates and I know it’s Seth.
* * *
Seth: Please tell me you’re safe.
* * *
Me: I’m good. I’m at my place. Amelia is here. I’ll be home in a little while.
* * *
Seth: I love you, Mara.
* * *
Seth: Finny just woke up so we’re going to eat some dinner.
* * *
Me: Thank you for taking care of her.
* * *
Seth: I love her, Mara. You girls are all I want.
* * *
Me: I’ll be home soon.
* * *
I almost told him that I loved him, but I don’t want to do it with a text message. I’ll do it tonight when I get there and show him that Finley and I are staying. I’m moving forward in life, and there is no one else I want by my side.
“Seth?”
“Yeah.” I place my phone back on the table. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”
She opens her mouth to speak, but more tears flood her cheeks. Reaching out, I take her hand in mine. I wait, giving her the time she needs. She takes a deep breath, and the words she says have me gasping for air as they knock the air out of my lungs.
“I have cancer.”
“Cancer?” I repeat the vile word as my mind tries to process what she’s telling me.
“Cancer.”
“When did you find out?”
“Officially about a month ago. Unofficially, New Year’s Eve.”
“Amelia,” I say softly when it all clicks together. She was drinking to forget.
“I’d been feeling bad for months. Just run-down and drained. Then I got this cold, and the cough lingered. It just wouldn’t go away so I finally broke down and went to the doctor. They did X-rays, and he found a spot on my lung. He told me I would need further testing, but he’d seen it many times before and that there was a chance I had cancer.”
“Oh my God,” I say breathily. “You should have told me. I could have been there for you.”
“I was in denial at first, you know. I’m not even thirty. I’ve never smoked. I couldn’t have lung cancer. That night, I just wanted to forget. I didn’t want the fear or the worry. I just wanted to forget.”
“How are you feeling? What are they telling you?”
“I’m doing okay. I have good days and bad. I had a biopsy a few weeks ago and they confirmed it’s lung cancer. Small cell carcinoma.” She pauses, then her tired eyes find mine. “I’m stage 2. Life expectancy of five years is about 33 percent. Mara, I’m dying.” Her voice cracks.
“No. You have to get a second opinion. There are other doctors, other hospitals we can take you to,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“Mara.” She reaches out and places her hand over mine. “I’ve gotten a second and a third opinion. There is no cure for the cancer that I have.”
“But things change every day. You have to fight this, and then maybe there will be a cure. Miracles happen every day.”
“Mara, I love you. I grew up with mostly guys as friends, and when I met you freshman year, you were a breath of fresh air. I never knew I was missing female companionship until then. Reagan was really the only girl I hung around and she was two years younger than us, so we were not always in the same circles.”
“This ca
n’t be happening.”
“Now you sound like me.” She laughs humorlessly. “I was in denial for a long time. However, after three different specialists give you the same diagnosis and prognosis, denial is no longer possible.”
“So when do you start treatment?” I vow to be there for her for whatever she needs.
“Next week. I have to go in for some more tests and then I’m supposed to start the first round of chemo on Friday.”
“What do you mean supposed to?”
“I’m not sure I want to.”
“What?” I stand from the couch and start to pace. “How are you not sure? You have to fight this, Amelia.”
“Mara, there is no cure. Chemo kills your body. It makes you so sick, just to what… prolong my life a few months? Maybe a year or so if I’m lucky? I don’t know that I want to be that sick my final days.”
“You are not giving up. You hear me, Amelia. I won’t let you.”
“This isn’t your choice to make.”
“The hell it isn’t. You’re not thinking clearly. You have to fight this.”
“I’m going for the testing and have an appointment with my oncologist on Thursday. That’s when I’ll make my final decision.”
“I can’t—” My voice cracks. “I love you. I’m here for you for whatever you need. What time is your appointment? I’ll go with you.” I’m rambling but I can’t help it. I’m in shock and my mind is racing with how I can help her. My best friend.
“You don’t have to do that. You just started your job.”
“Right. And do you really think Ridge is going to tell me no?”
“You can’t tell him. Any of them.”
