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“We’re all here,” Ridge says as Kent takes a seat in the last remaining chair. Mara, Amelia, Tyler, Reagan, and I are on the sectional couch, Ridge and Kendall are i
n a chair, Kendall on his lap, while Mark and Dawn are on the loveseat. “Care to tell us what’s going on?”
“Yeah, you didn’t give us any explanation. Kept me up all night,” Kent grumbles.
I look over at Amelia as she chews on her bottom lip. “Amelia has something to tell you, but when she got here, she asked if we would tell you for her.” Mara leans into me on one side, while Amelia is on the other doing the same. “There is no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to put it out there.” Reaching over, I lace my fingers with Mara’s and then do the same to Amelia, offering her support. “Amelia has cancer.”
The room is silent. Not a single word is spoken as they process the news. Amelia squeezes my hand, and I give hers a gentle squeeze back, giving her my silent support.
“I’m dying,” she whispers. Her whisper might have well been screaming for the silence in the room.
“Tell us everything, A,” Mark says, pulling Dawn into his side.
“I haven’t been feeling well. Just… off, you know? I came down with a cold a couple of months ago and I couldn’t seem to shake the cough. New Year’s Eve I’d had enough, so I broke down and went to the doctor. They did X-rays and found spots on my lungs.”
She takes a minute to collect herself. I stand and go to the bathroom to grab a box of tissues. Reaching under the cabinet, I grab two more. This is going to be hard to get through. When I get back, Mara is sitting next to Amelia, and they are huddled close, holding hands. I pass out the boxes of tissues, making sure Amelia has one and then take a seat next to Mara.
“I had to have some more tests. It was confirmed that I have lung cancer.”
“We’ll get a second opinion,” Ridge tells her.
She smiles through her tears. “I did that, Ridge. I got a second and a third. All three doctors gave me the same diagnosis and prognosis. Small cell lung cancer. Stage 2.”
“What does that mean?” Kent asks.
Amelia takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. “That means the maximum life expectancy of up to five years is 33 percent.” She sounds like a robot, a crying robot, as she relays the information.
“Explain that,” Reagan says, barely able to get the words out.
“There is no cure, Reags. Not for small cell, and five years is a generous guess. Most barely make it two.”
Kendall, Dawn, and Reagan stand, and head our way. I lean in and kiss Mara on the cheek and move to sit next to Mark, where Dawn was. The girls huddle around Amelia, offering her hugs and support while the five of us watch. Memories of growing up together, time at each of our houses, the park, playing ball in the street of Mark and Tyler’s subdivision. Everything comes flashing back like a movie reel. To look at her, she looks healthy. A little tired, but healthy. You would never know that cancer is eating away at her from the inside.
Fuck cancer.
“So what do we do?” Ridge asks, his voice thick. “How do we fight this?”
Mara and Amelia share a glance. “I-I’m not sure I want to.”
“What?” Kent stands and starts pacing. “What do you mean you don’t want to? You can fight this fucking thing, A. I know you can.”
“Kent.” Her voice breaks on a sob. “Th-The treatments are brutal. The chemo and the radiation kill your body. My quality of life will be shit.”
“You’re fighting for your life!” he booms.
“Hey.” Tyler stands and places a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. Give her time to explain.”
“Do you hear her?” Kent makes eye contact with each of us guys. “Are you hearing what I’m hearing? That she’s just giving up?” He runs his fingers through his hair, his frustration and fear evident.
“Amelia, you have to fight this.” Ridge’s voice is pleading.
“What about an operation? Can they not remove it?” Tyler asks.
Amelia shakes her head. “No. They dumbed it down for me, basically saying that if they open me up, air hits this cancer, and it grows. Trying to remove it would be the worst course of action.”
“Amelia.” I pause, waiting for her to look at me. “We need you to fight.”
Tears roll down her cheeks. “I’ve talked to three different oncologists. They have all told me the same thing. The treatments are harsh. They will break me down. Sure, they may give me a few extra months, but I’ll be sick all that time. If I don’t do anything, I still have time where I’m me. The me you know. Not a me who’s too sick to come out of her house. I could live, for what time I have left, until it gets too bad, like I want. If I do these treatments, I’ll be sick all the time, drained of any and all energy.”
“How much time?” Dawn asks her. “If you don’t treat it, how much time?” It’s the question that I’m sure all of us have wanted to ask but didn’t have the courage. Dawn and Amelia grew close while Daisy was in the hospital. Their relationship is different from ours with Amelia, and even Mara’s.
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I’m not sure I want to know. I just want to l-l-live.” She stumbles over her words. “I just want to live,” she says again, this time her voice stronger.
“Why are you just now telling us?” Mark asks.
She looks over at Mara and sighs. “This one.” She motions her head toward Mara. “She wouldn’t let up until I told her what was going on.”
“I’m sorry,” Reagan says softly. “We knew something was up, but we didn’t want to pry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I know I should have told you. Hell, I haven’t even told my parents yet. Their health is not the best and I didn’t want to worry them until I was 100 percent certain. Now I am. I’ll be telling them tonight.”
“You want us to come with you?” Mara asks.
“We’ll be there,” Dawn says.
“We’ve got you,” Reagan chimes in.
“You’re not alone in this,” Kendall tells her.
“My heart is so full,” she says as more tears begin to fall. “I love you guys so much.” She makes it a point to look at each of us. “You all have been there with me since we were kids. I’m so happy that you’ve found these strong women to stand by your side.” She stops at Kent. “You all love so deeply.”
“We love you,” Tyler says confidently.
“I know. I also know that you don’t understand my reasoning, but I ask that you respect it. I’m going to die, no matter what I put my body through. That’s the outcome I have to face.”
“What about the tests?” I ask her. “You have more this week, right?”
She nods. “Yes, but those are to test my blood levels for treatment. If I’m not strong enough or my levels are not high enough, I can’t start treatment. They have me scheduled to start chemo on Friday. I do five rounds and then off a week, and then thirteen rounds of radiation. Then more tests, then more chemo. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be sick all the time. I’m going to go for the tests, but I’m canceling my chemo on Friday.”
“Please think about this,” Ridge says.
“I have. It’s all I’ve thought about. I know what I want. My mind is made up.”
“We’ll come with you,” Mara says. “To all of your appointments. You won’t have to do it alone. We’ll be there.”
“I know that. I love you all for it, but let me ask you something. Can you still be there? If I don’t go through with treatments? I need you.” She scans the room with her red-rimmed eyes. “All of you.”
“Yes,” all nine of us chorus in unison.
“Can you promise us something?” Kent asks. “Can you promise us you’ll think about it? That you’ll consider taking treatments? Everyone responds differently. You’re a fighter, A.”
She’s quiet as she processes his request. “I’ll give it further consideration, but, guys, I’ve had a couple of months to process this. To seek out second and third opinions. I’ve not come to this decision lightly.”
“Think about it,” Tyler says. “That’s all that we ask.”
“Okay.” She nods and wipes at
her eyes. “Now, enough of the heavy. Jennings, what do you have to eat around here?”
“To feed this brood?” I ask, knowing she’s trying to lighten the mood. “Not enough,” I say, and the guys chuckle. “Are we going out or do we want to order in?”
“Order in,” the ladies say immediately.
“Just order pizza. They deliver and none of us have to leave,” Dawn suggests.
“Pizza it is.” I make my way to the kitchen to make the call. As soon as I hang up, the guys are there. All five of us stand around the island looking forlorn.
“How do we convince her to fight?” Tyler asks.
“I don’t know that we can,” I say, running my fingers through my hair. “It’s ultimately her choice. I mean, I get what she’s saying.”
“She has so much to live for. She’s young, she has so much life ahead of her,” Kent says.
“I agree with you, but like Seth said, it’s her choice,” Ridge counters. “All we can do is be there for her.”
“Fuck, can our family not catch a break?” Mark says.
“We’ve been through some tough times,” Ridge agrees. “We have to be there for her no matter what she decides.”
“So, we just watch her die?” Tyler chokes on the words.
“From the sounds of it, that’s inevitable.”
“Fuck me, I can’t believe we’re discussing her death like the damn weather,” Mark grumbles. “I hate this. I fucking hate cancer.”
“She just told us last night, so I haven’t had time to research it myself. But she’s been consistent with her information and her decision. She’s never wavered. Not even once.”
“I’m sure Kendall and Dawn will be all over it,” Ridge says. They’re both nurses, so they probably understand this better than any of us.
“Fuck,” Tyler murmurs.
“We have to go out there and treat her like we always do,” Kent says. “That’s what she wants. She wants to live life to the fullest, and fuck me, but we’re going to give her that. Regardless of what she decides to do, we’re going to do that for her.”
