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She nods, her tears now preventing her from speaking. She begins to cough, so I help her sit up a little higher. Once she’s calmed down, she whispers, “Thank you. Now clear up your face before Finley comes in here and sees you like this.”
“This is all your fault,” I tell her, smiling through the pain and sadness that’s circling us, threatening to swallow us whole.
“Knock, knock,” Seth says, pushing open the door fifteen minutes later. He eyes me suspiciously, but I give him a smile, letting him know I’m okay.
“Auntie A, I’s makes more cookies,” Finley says, holding up a baggie of cookies and handing them to Amelia.
“Oh my goodness, I think you’ve grown since I last saw you.”
Finley giggles. “I’m a big girl,” she says proudly.
“That you are.” Seth lifts her to the bed to snuggle next to Amelia.
“So, I have a surprise for you,” Amelia says. “You’re going to get to see Ryder today.”
“I’s do?” Finley’s eyes are wide with excitement. She stares at Amelia’s belly as if the baby is just going to jump out at her.
“You do.”
Seth and I have yet to tell her that baby Ryder is going to be her brother. Officially, as her adoption should be final in a few weeks. Seth finds my eyes over Finley’s head, and I nod my approval. I’m just too emotionally drained to try and make her understand, but her daddy, my husband, the man who loves us both unconditionally, I trust him to do it.
“Come here, Finny.” Seth holds his arms out for her and she carefully climbs into them. “So, Mommy, Daddy, and Auntie A, we have something to tell you.”
Her little head nods and he has her full attention. “You wuv me.” She says it with absolute certainty, and I can see my husband melt at her conviction.
“We do, baby girl. So much. We also love baby Ryder. We love him so much that he’s going to be your baby brother.”
She gasps, and her little hand flies to cover her mouth. We’ve been working on her inside voice, especially when in the hospital. “A baby brover?” she asks with awe in her voice.
Seth nods. “Yes. He’s going to live with us, and as his big sister, you have to look out for him, teach him things once he gets older.”
“I’s a big siser?” Again, nothing but pure joy in her reply.
“You are.”
“Ryder’s room by my room,” she says like it all makes sense now.
She asked what we were doing while painting the room. We told her we’re painting Auntie A’s baby’s room and that was enough to appease her. Besides, it was blue, so that wasn’t something she was interested in. She’s a girly-girl. Pink and purple all the way.
“That’s right. So, what do you think, Finny? You ready to be a big sister?” he asks her.
Her little head bobs up and down. “I’s can do it.”
“Good girl,” he praises, hugging her tight to his chest. Her little arms are around his neck, squeezing with all she’s got.
“Are we ready to see how Ryder’s doing today?” an ultrasound tech asks. She wheels a portable ultrasound machine into the room. Seth, with Finley in his arms, steps back, as do I, giving her room to settle in. I make my way to the opposite side of the room, and he opens his arm that’s not holding our daughter for me. I waste no time snuggling into him. One arm’s around his waist, the other’s resting on his chest over his heart. I feel his lips press to the top of my head.
“There he is,” the tech says.
“Me see,” Finley says, craning her neck.
“Come lay with Auntie A,” Amelia says, speaking up for the first time since we broke the news that Ryder was going to be Finley’s baby brother. “Put your hand right here.” Amelia guides her hand to the side and Ryder kicks, which is visible on the screen.
“He kickeded me,” Finley says excitedly.
Reaching out, I place my hand on Amelia’s belly, feeling little Ryder move around. Seth steps up behind me and places his hand over mine. It’s a moment I will never forget.
The bond.
The love.
The trust.
I will cherish all three as long as I live, just like I will the memory of my best friend. Stepping back, Seth does as well, wrapping his arms around my waist. I pull my phone from my back pocket and snap a few pictures, not that I need them, but it will be a nice visual for Ryder when I tell him the day his big sister found out she was going to be just that, his big sister.
“Everything looks great.” The ultrasound tech wipes the gel off Amelia’s belly and packs up her equipment. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Momma,” she tells Amelia.
Amelia bursts into tears.
“Auntie A.” Finley soothes her, her tiny palm resting against Amelia’s cheek. “Don’t cwy.”
“I’m happy,” Amelia assures her. “These are happy tears.”
I have a feeling this is going to be a good moment, so I hit Record on the camera on my phone and hold it, so they don’t realize I’m recording.
“I love baby Ryder so much,” Amelia manages to tell her. “I’m so honored to be his mommy, but your mommy is going to be his mommy too.”
“Hims has two mommies?”
Amelia’s lip quivers. “He does, and I’m so happy that it’s your mommy and daddy and that you’re his big sister. I couldn’t have picked a better family for him.”
“I’s love him, Auntie A.”
More tears fall, but Amelia smiles through them. “I know you do, sweet girl. I’m counting on it.”
“Okay, munchkin, Auntie A needs some rest.” I hold my arms out for Finley, and she comes to me without complaint. “We’re going to go, but I’ll be back later,” I tell Amelia.
“No. Stay home. You three need a normal night home. My parents are stopping by later and so is Reagan. I promise if anything happens, I’ll call you.”
“Amelia.” Seth’s tone of voice is stern and full of concern at the same time.
“I’m still here,” she says with certainty. “Go, have a family night. I’ll be here tomorrow.”
Seth nods, gives her hand a gentle squeeze, and the three of us head home. The drive home is quiet. I was expecting lots of questions from Finley, but she’s quiet. I pull into the garage, and she unbuckles herself and waits for me to open the door for her. She goes straight down the hall; I assume to her room.
Seth looks up from where he’s making grilled cheese at the stove. “What’s up with that?” he asks.
“I’m not sure.” I walk down the hall and peek in Finley’s room, but she’s not there. I see the door to the nursery is open and I peek inside. She’s standing next to the crib with her princess blanket. “Finley, sweetheart, what are you doing?”
“Baby brover?” she asks.
“Oh, honey, he’s not here yet. He’s still in Amelia’s tummy.”
“I luv him, Mommy.”
“You girls ready to eat?” Seth asks.
“Daddy.” Finley rushes to him, latching onto his leg.
Seth helps her detach and drops to his knees in front of her. “What’s going on, Finny?”
“I wuv my brover. You daddy.”
I think I know what she’s trying to say. She just got Seth as her daddy. I think she’s worried we’re going to lose him. “Baby girl,” Seth whispers. It’s with that I know he gets it too. He knows her so well. “I’m always going to be your daddy. Nothing will ever change that. Ryder is my son and you are my daughter. I love you both with all of my heart.”
“And Mommy?”
He looks up, his eyes soft as they land on me. “Mommy is the love of my life. You, Mommy, and Ryder are my entire world. I promise you that will never change.”
“I wuv you, Daddy.”
I wipe a tear from my eye. I love this man with everything that I am.
“Finny, I love you too. So much. You’re always going to be my little girl. You are the first to make me a daddy. That’s special,” he tells her.
“I’s special?” she asks.
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“More than you’ll ever know.” He stands, lifting her with him. He opens his arm for me and I go to them. My heart. My family.
The rest of the night, we stay close together, snuggled on the couch. Seth reads Finley three stories as we lie in her little princess castle twin bed. It’s another one of those moments, those memories I’ll never forget.
