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“Hey,” I greet Kent.
“What’s up?”
“Oh, you know, reliving the glory days.”
“Yeah? How exactly are you doing that?”
“I’m at the high school field. Just… needed to clear my head.”
“Want some company?”
I think about his question. Do I? Yeah, if it’s one of my best friends, one of my brothers, then yes, I’ll always take their company. “Sure.”
“Be there in ten,” he says as the line goes dead.
Lying back on the grass, I stare up at the blue-lit skies. It won’t be long and the colors will begin to change as the sun sets and night falls. I let the past few years play out in my mind. It seems as though we’ve taken hit after hit, and although everything works out in the end and life moves on, it’s still a lot to take on. Closing my eyes, I send up a silent prayer that I can make it through these next few months. Becoming a father for the second time… Amelia… everything is so uncertain, except for the fact that we know our time with her is fading fast.
“What are we looking at?” Kent asks.
Slowly, I open my eyes and turn to where his voice came from. He’s lying on the ground next to me looking up at the clouds. “Nothing.”
“You doing okay?”
“Nope.” I turn back to the sky.
“Figured as much. How is she?”
“Feisty.”
He chuckles. “That’s good. Means she’s feeling better. I haven’t been there to see her today.”
“I left when Mara got there. They basically kicked me out.”
“I see who wears the pants in your marriage,” he teases.
I laugh, but he’s got it all wrong. “It’s not that she wears the pants as much as I’d do anything for her. When she smiles and those green eyes of hers light up, yeah, I’d do anything to see that happen.”
“Yeah,” he says like he knows.
Now’s my chance to see what’s going on with him. “Want to talk about it? About her?”
His entire body freezes. “Not really.”
“When you do, you know where to find me.”
“It was a long time ago,” he admits.
“How did we not know about this?”
“Because I was a dick, kept her quiet. She moved on.”
“You sure about that?” I ask him. “Seems to me if you’re this torn up, she might be too. And fuck you for not telling us.”
He laughs. “What’s that saying? I wish I knew then what I know now?”
“You didn’t know then that you loved her?”
“I never said I loved her.”
“You didn’t have to. It’s written all over you. More so the last few months.”
“It’s hard not to think about her when I see all of you happy, getting married, starting families. Makes me wish for what might have been.”
“Call her.”
“That ship has sailed,” he says with a heavy sigh. “Now, I thought I said I didn’t want to talk about it?”
“Right.” I laugh. My phone rings, and I pull it out of my pocket seeing my mom’s face on the screen. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, honey. Finley wants to talk to you.”
I sit up. “Okay. Is everything all right?”
“Yes, dear, everything is fine. Here she is.”
“Hi, Daddy.”
Her tiny little fist squeezes at my heart just hearing her voice alone, but when she calls me Daddy, I doubt I’ll ever stop feeling pure joy when she says it. “Hi, Finny. Are you having fun with Mamaw?”
“I’s maked cookies.”
“You did? Did you save one for Daddy?”
“He can’t see you nod, sweetie.” I hear my mom whisper.
“My did,” she answers. “I take some to Auntie A?” she asks.
My little girl has her momma’s heart. “Yes. I’ll be there to get you in just a little while, okay?”
“’Kay, Daddy.” She hands the phone back to my mom.
“It was her idea. She said the baby needed cookies.”
“She hasn’t been eating much, but I know for Finley she’ll try. Might not be the most nutritious, but it’s food all the same. I’m leaving the field now and heading your way.”
“The field?”
“Yeah, Kent and I were just catching up.”
“Oh, well, you be safe.” I know she wants to say more, wants me to open up to her, but there’s nothing to say. This situation is beyond normal, and we’re just taking it all one day at a time.
“I’m going to head over to the hospital. I’ll see you there?” Kent asks, standing.
“Yeah. I’ll be right behind you.” With that, we leave the field and the memories of our youth behind us. During the drive to my parents, I vow that my kids will be kids for as long as possible. I want them to live happily and as carefree for as long as they can. They’ll have adult problems and the challenges that life brings their way soon enough.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mara 24
* * *
I’m in the hospital reading on my Kindle while Amelia sleeps peacefully. She had a rough night last night, so I’m glad she’s getting some rest. She’s thirty-three weeks today, and she’s still here. Her team of doctors, both for her and the baby, thought the sterile environment was best. She’s on oxygen all the time now, and her body is weak. She’s all belly as baby Ryder grows stronger every day. They do daily ultrasounds, which all three of us have come to look forward to. She has another one scheduled this afternoon, and Seth asked her if we could bring Finley.
Amelia was all for it, and my heart melted at his thoughtfulness. It’s going to be hard to explain to a three-year-old she has a baby brother that wasn’t in her mommy’s belly. Thankfully she’s too young to really understand. One day we’ll have to explain it all to her. But Seth, my husband, he’s amazing. He’s always putting me, Finley, and Amelia first. Sure, it’s not the ideal situation, but the three of us, we have this… bond. It’s deep, and instead of brooding or being pissed off, we’ve embraced this unexpected turn of events and are focusing on the here and now.
“Hey,” Amelia croaks.
I hit the Off button on my Kindle and place it on the table beside me. I wasn’t really reading anyway. I was too lost in my thoughts. Standing, I offer her a drink of water.
“Thank you.”
“You get rested?” I ask.
“I did, actually. What time is it?”
“Just after three.”
“Seth is supposed to be here with Finley. He didn’t forget, did he? You better call him. I want her to see this. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier,” she rasps.
“No, he didn’t forget. He left work about ten minutes ago. He’s picking her up from his mom’s and heading this way. He’ll be here.”
“Good, that gives us some time. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” She takes a deep breath and coughs. I stand close in case she needs… I don’t know what, but I’m here for whatever it might be.
“Okay,” I say once her coughing subsides.
“I want you to be Ryder’s mom.”
My heart falls to
my feet as I brace myself on her bed to keep from falling. “Amelia—” I start, but she cuts me off by holding up her hand.
“Let me say this.” She waits for me to nod that I’m going to stay quiet and listen. “I know you, Mara. I know the person you are and the love you have for your daughter. I want my son to have that love, to feel it.”
“Amelia,” I whisper as pain slices through me for my best friend. For my husband and their unborn child.
“I want him to call you Mom. You are and will be his mother for the rest of his life. I want you to adopt him,” she says, wiping a tear from her eye. “I want you to love him for both of us.”
My heart stalls in my chest. “I love him already,” I confess.
She nods. “I know you do. I know this is a forgone conclusion since you and Seth are married, but I felt like I needed to say it. I don’t want there to be any regrets or feelings of guilt after I’m gone.” She pauses, catching her breath. She loses it so quickly these days. “I want you to love him freely with the knowledge I’m smiling down on you. Every time he calls you Mom, my heart will be full because I know that you are the one person on this earth, other than his daddy, who will love him like only I could.”
I reach for her hand as tears flood my cheeks. I don’t think I can speak for the lump in my throat. Instead, I let her words play in my mind. My free hand rests on her belly, careful of the fetal monitors. I look up to find her watching me, tears that match my own tracking down her cheeks.
“Promise me, Mara. Promise me you will love him with no regrets. That there will be zero guilt. Love him for both of us.”
I nod. “I promise. With all that I am, I promise you he will be loved enough for both of us, and I will never ever let a day pass that he doesn’t know how truly amazing you are. I’ll tell him how you fought for him, loved him the minute you knew he was growing inside you.”
