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Live.74Marcum“That’s it, Dragonfly, bring me to heaven,” I urge her as she continues riding me. Her body moves above me and she smiles down, her eyes dancing with joy. She’s everything, my world. I move my hands up her waist, her heated skin seeming to warm me from the inside first, and then spreading outward.
“Honey, I need you to open your eyes.”
I don’t understand. I’m looking up at her. My hands reach up to grab her breasts.
“Marcum. Come back to me now,” Toi says and I shake my head because her body blurs. My hands move through her as she slowly dissipates. “Come back to me, honey,” I hear as she finishes fading before my eyes.
It’s that moment pain slams through me. I want to scream at how intense it is, but my mouth is dry and I can’t get sound out. I end up coughing.
“Oh God! He’s alive!” I hear Toi cry. There are others talking, but I can’t make out what they’re saying or even differentiate their voices.
“Toi…” I cough as reality slams back to me. I try to lift my arms to protect her and look around to find Alvaro, but I can’t move my arms; they feel like solid stone.
“Marcum, oh thank God! I thought you were dead. You can’t leave me, sweetheart. You can’t leave me,” she cries, and she lays her head on me. I feel her body jerking as she sobs. I close my eyes, trying to fight the pain back. My eyes are so heavy, the need to just let it all go and fade out is strong, but I try to push it away. I need to talk to Toi…
I need to say goodbye.
“Hush, Dragonfly. Hush for me,” I groan. The words rip through me, but I doubt they’re loud.
“I love you, Marcum, I love you so much.” She murmurs the words against my skin as she kisses my face. Her fingers curl into my beard and it’s that connection that gives me the strength I need.
I ignore the pain and my hand slides into her hair, leaving a trail of blood in the blond strands. It looks wrong—the sight of it destroys me. I did the one thing I never wanted, I pulled her down into my filth. I wanted to protect her… I just wanted to… love her.
I bring her head down to mine, my cold hand holding her neck, feeling the rapid beating of her pulse. I hold Toi in my arms, with death howling at my back. I know my time is limited and that knowledge burns.
“I don’t have much time… need you to listen.”
“No, that’s not true. We have time, Marcum. You just need to fight. We have a lifetime to share with each other,” she says, but she knows better. I see the truth in her eyes and I hear the fear in her words. She’s practically rocking in my arms, and her nails bite into my sides.
“It’s not in the cards for us,” I tell her and the words hurt to even give voice to. I wanted a life with Toi. She was it, everything I wanted in life—but never knew existed.
“You have to keep living. You promised me babies. You promised…”
“We’ve run out of time, Toi.”
“No! Please…” she cries, and I’m crying with her. I feel the tears running down my face, but I don’t have shame in them. How can I? I’m saying goodbye to my world, to my… forever. “You can’t die…” she says her voice cracking. “This is my fault. You can’t die because of me.”
“Do you remember? In our bed, when you opened to me, gave me your body… You gave me your innocence. You bled for me and I swore from that moment I’d bleed for you, die for you if that’s what it took to keep you safe.”
“No! I don’t want this. Marcum, I don’t want this. I can’t live without you.”
“You have to, Dragonfly. You have to live. Harley and Desi will need you. I need you to be happy. To live and love, to go on…”
“Marcum, please, baby,” she cries, the sobs coming quicker now, her body quivering, one shuddering breath after another, her face scrunching as she cries, no longer able to breathe in between the waves of sadness. I know… because I feel the same.
“I love you, Toi. I never knew… it existed. I saw it, with Max… but I never… not until you, Toi. I love you, Dragonfly,” I tell her, giving her the words that I hadn’t before. Words I should have given her every day.
Regrets… more regrets. That’s what I have. I should have given them to her every day.
“If you love me you’ll fight to survive…” she cries. “You’ll fight for me, for us!”
She’s right, but I can’t make my eyes stay open. I’m sinking into the darkness and as it overtakes me, her whispered “I love you,” reaches my ears and her lips touch mine as she kisses me.
