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“It’s time, isn’t it?” Mrs. Culpepper said.
Tanner nodded. “It is.”
Her husband gently squeezed her hand. “We’ll get through this together. That’s what we do.”
She looked at him. The bond between them was obvious. “I know I can count on you.”
Why had Tanner never noticed that in couples before? Since Whitney had come into his life he seemed to see loving couples everywhere where he’d seen none before. For the first time in his life he’d begun to want that. But he’d thrown it back in Whitney’s face when she’d offered it.
“We’ll start the process of getting you listed on the United Network for Organ Sharing today. There’ll be further tests in the days ahead. Lisa will help you with those.”
The couple’s eyes glistened with moisture as they clung together.
Could the day get any worse? He’d bet everything he owned that Whitney would show that same loving concern if her husband was ill. Because she would love him. Their souls would be united. Would a wife based on his list care about him in the same way?
“So what do we need to do?” Mr. Culpepper asked.
The man saw his wife’s health as a partnership. Why hadn’t Tanner noticed that in his patients before? The Culpeppers couldn’t be the only ones who felt that way. Had he just been choosing to ignore how people who loved each other acted? Was he so scared of loving or being loved that he was running from it? Wasn’t that what Whitney had accused him of?
Could he live with someone who loved him without becoming emotionally invested himself? Not if he wanted Whitney. She would demand it of him. Could he give it? What he needed to understand was why his father had refused to accept it.
Half an hour later he left the Culpeppers with Lisa and returned to his office. He found the piece of paper he’d written the matchmaker’s name on and crumbled it into a ball then tossed it into the trash. He already knew who his match was. Now all he had to do was be worthy of her. Find some way of meeting her halfway. That could only come from understanding why his parents had had such a dysfunctional relationship.
He picked up his phone. When a man answered Tanner said, “Dad. It’s Tanner. Can I come down to see you this weekend?”
* * *
Tanner had driven faster than the speed limit, so he’d made good time on his way south on the coast road to Santa Barbara. He’d not seen his father in over five years and even then it had been brief and tense. There was no common ground for a relationship between them. That wouldn’t change but Tanner needed to try to get some answers, a little understanding. There was no doubt he would be digging up painful memories but if he wanted to have the life he was dreaming of, finding that peace, he had to try to come to grips with his childhood.
Whitney had said he was like his father. The more he thought about it the more he tended to agree. So why was he like the man he disliked so much? Because he’d been so afraid of being hurt, like his mother had been?
His father had been surprised to hear from him. Rightfully so. There was a long pause when Tanner had asked if he could visit.
“Why?” had been his father’s response.
“I have some questions I need answered.”
Again there was a long pause. “Come on. I can’t promise you’ll like what you hear.”
At least his father was willing to listen to the questions.
Tanner turned into his father’s drive just before lunchtime. He had a simple one-story home that was well kept in a subdivision about five miles from the beach.
He and his father had agreed to go out to eat. Tanner felt they needed a neutral zone for the possibly tense discussion they were to have. His father had remarried while Tanner had been in med school but he had never met his new wife. Tanner had hardly stepped out of the car before his father exited the house and walked toward him. He was an older version of what Tanner saw in the mirror. He was like his father in more ways than one.
“Hello, Tanner.”
“Hi, Dad. It’s nice to see you.” To his amazement Tanner actually meant it.
“Good to see you as well. The restaurant is just half a mile from here.”
Was he protecting his wife from what might be said between them by not inviting Tanner in? “Okay. Would you like to ride with me?”
For a second Tanner thought his father might say no. “That’ll work.”
His father had picked a local place with plenty of room between the tables. Tanner was glad. They wouldn’t easily be overheard. It wasn’t until they were settled at their table, drinks served and orders taken, that Tanner said, “I have some questions about you and Mom.”
Seeing his father’s expression, Tanner was glad he’d requested a quiet spot off to the side. This discussion might be more difficult than he’d expected.
“Just what do you want to know?” His father fiddled with his napkin.
“Why you even married? Why were you never around? Did you even love her? Us?”
His father sighed deeply. “I should have had this discussion with you and Mark a long time ago but it was easier not to. I ought to have known it would happen one day. Yes, I loved your mother. Married her because I did. I’ve always loved you and Mark.”
“So why did you and Mother always act like you were so unhappy?”
“Because we were. Your mother was so jealous. She smothered me. It wasn’t that way so much at first. But as time went on she became obsessed. She’d accuse me of seeing other women. I wasn’t but there was no convincing her. I tried to keep it all from you and your brother. We went to counseling but nothing worked. So when I had a chance to take a job traveling, I did, hoping that things would be better if I wasn’t around so much. But that only made the situation worse when I came home. Her jealousy killed my love and then our marriage. I would have taken you and Mark with me but you were all she had. I feared she might take her life if I did that.”
“You know that I hated you for how you treated her.” Tanner couldn’t keep his bitterness out of his voice. He’d lived with it too long.
“I know. But I thought it better for you to hate me than her.”
His father had loved him enough to make that sacrifice. Was that the type of love Whitney had been showing him? She understood sacrificial love over possessive love. He’d still been the kid that couldn’t see the difference.
“Dad, why have you never said anything? Mark and I have been adults for a long time.”
He shrugged. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“Yeah, it would have. I’ve had a wonderful woman in my life who I wasn’t willing to love because I didn’t think it was possible to have a marriage based on emotion.”
There was a sheen of moisture in his father’s eyes. “Tanner, I never meant for you to feel that way. I’m sorry. Will you tell me about her?”
Over the next few minutes Tanner shared how he and Whitney had met. Why they had broken up.
“Life is too short to spend it without love,” his father said.
“Another man told me the same thing recently.”
His father met his look. “So what’re you going to do?”
“Beg her to forgive me for being an idiot and shout from the Golden Gate Bridge that I love her.”
His father’s smile was genuine for the first time. “That sounds like a good start. Then tell her that every day for the rest of your life.”
“I will.”
During the meal they caught up on what they had missed in each other’s lives. When they returned to his father’s house he invited Tanner in to meet his wife. Tanner hesitated but then agreed.
“Julie, I’m home,” his father called as they came in the front door.
The living room looked comfortable. Lived in, much like Whitney’s. A place that made you feel welcome.
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His father kissed the petite brown-haired woman on the cheek and put his arm around her waist when she joined them. That was something Tanner had never seen him do with his mother.
“Tanner, I’d like you to meet my wife, Julie. Julie, this is Tanner.”
Julie surprised him by hugging him. Her smile was warm and inviting. “It’s so nice to meet you. Your father brags about you all the time.”
Tanner looked at his father, who shrugged and smiled affectionately at Julie. “Honey, don’t tell all my secrets.”
“Well, it’s true. Why don’t we sit down and I can find out if your father has been telling me the truth?”
Tanner couldn’t help but smile. The warmth Julie exuded made him feel at ease. He liked her. She sat close to his father on the sofa and every so often she touched him when she was making a point. Julie obviously cared for his father. There was a happiness about him Tanner had never seen before. To his amazement Tanner was glad for him.
