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As Tanner was leaving his father called out, “Let me know how it goes with Whitney.”
“I will.” The relationship between his father and himself wasn’t what it should be but they had made a step forward.
Now Tanner had to face Whitney. Could he possibly let go enough to admit how he felt about her? If he wanted Whitney, he’d have to. What sickened him was that he hadn’t recognized her love when she’d given it. He’d had it right there in front of him and he hadn’t grabbed it. After all, he did love her. Had for a long time.
* * *
Whitney had cried to the point of being sick. In the past there had been days when people had hurt her feelings and she’d been upset but nothing matched the agony she felt over the loss of Tanner. His absence was a void she couldn’t fill.
She had managed to place Tanner’s clothes in a bag and text him but it had almost torn her heart out. Against her better judgment she’d kept one of his T-shirts. It was an unhealthy thing to do but she’d become so accustomed to having him next to her in bed that she put the shirt under the spare pillow and pulled it out to smell it before she went to sleep. When she could sleep.
So much time had passed since she had spoken to her parents they’d become concerned enough to check on her. When they did she gave them a blurry-eyed, tearful and painfully short version of what had happened. They were supportive and worried but in the end there wasn’t anything they could do to help. As they were leaving her mother said, “We never know what life will give us. Never give up.”
Whitney knew life sent you experiences and people that you never expected. Tanner had proved that. The problem was this time she was the one who had told Tanner to go. It had been the right decision but it still hurt.
In the middle of the second week she’d been in mourning for Tanner a new client called. That was the catalyst that started bringing her out of the darkness. She needed to keep herself busy for sanity’s sake. To do that she was going to have to start clawing her way back to being a functioning adult again. She took a bath and washed her hair before sitting down at the computer. To her horror Tanner’s profile was the first one to appear in her business file.
She looked at his smiling face for too long before she deleted it. She wouldn’t need his profile any longer. Was he already dating other matches? The idea was crushing. But she had pushed him away. He was free to do as he pleased.
She kept repeating like a mantra that she had done it for their own good. Love was important to her. Necessary and nonnegotiable. For Tanner it was unimportant. He had issues that he needed to resolve. He’d stated clearly that he believed she did as well.
Hadn’t she dealt with those long ago?
Whitney looked around the kitchen where bags of chips and dessert snack covers cluttered the table and counter. She’d turned to food again to sooth her stress and fear. Jumping up, she gathered the litter and uneaten junk food, cramming it in the garbage can. That too had to stop. Returning to her desk, she picked up her phone and punched in the number to speed dial the overeating support group she’d once attended. It was time to get her life back on track without Tanner.
Over the next two days she set up two socials and made an appointment to meet a new client. She didn’t feel alive yet but at least she was making an effort.
Her client was a woman of about her own age. In fact, she looked familiar. Extremely attractive, she still seemed a little unsure of herself. She kept looking around as if she were expecting someone to catch her doing something she shouldn’t. Her name was familiar too. Lauren Phillips.
High school. That was it! She’d been one of the popular girls. The one who’d got all the boys. Now she needed Whitney to help her make a match.
“I believe we went to high school together,” Whitney said at their meeting.
Lauren studied her but there was no recognition in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you. High school was a tough time for me. My parents were getting a divorce. I didn’t pay much attention to anyone but myself.”
“It’s okay. We can’t remember everyone.” Whitney meant it. Before Tanner she would have been resentful of Lauren but now she understood too clearly that no matter how someone might act on the outside, they could still have problems. “So how can I help you?”
“I am looking for companionship. Someone who enjoys the same things I do,” Lauren answered. “I want someone who’s looking to get serious and settle down. All the guys I meet are just interested in my looks. I want someone who sees past that.”
Whitney had had that with Tanner. What if she had waited longer? Maybe Tanner would have come around to loving her. He had certainly accepted her for who she was. Instead of giving him any real chance, she’d let her insecurities control her. How was she supposed to match other people when she couldn’t handle her own? Her self-doubt had left her with nothing.
How he must hate her.
* * *
Whitney pushed through the glass door of the community center for the first time in years. It would be tough to join the Happier You support group again but these were her people and here she would be accepted without question. It had taken her years to admit she needed support when she’d lost weight. She’d started managing her eating again but what she had really been looking for had been the emotional care. The help for what had been behind her overeating. The Happier You group had given her that.
She walked down the hall to the classroom. Inside she found the circle of chairs she expected and a few people already in them. She smiled in their direction and took a seat. Another couple of people entered before Margaret, the facilitator, showed up.
“Whitney Thomason, is that you?”
“It is.” Whitney stood and hugged the woman.
“So what brings you here tonight?”
“I guess just for a reminder of how far I’ve come,” Whitney said.
“So it’s like that?”
Whitney nodded.
* * *
An hour and a half later Whitney was feeling strong enough to face the world and Tanner as well. While others had been talking she had been formulating a plan. She would write Tanner a letter. Tell him that she was sorry for treating him the way she had.
She was on her way out of the room when Margaret called after her. Whitney turned.
“Hold on a minute. I want to ask you something.”
Whitney waited until Margaret finished speaking to the last person and came to her. “What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you would consider something,” Margaret said.
“What’s that?”
Margaret moved a chair back into place. “Taking over this group for me. I have a chance to start one over near my house but can’t leave this one high and dry. I think you would be great at it.”
Her lead a group? “Can I think about it? Get back to you?”
r /> “Sure. Just don’t take too long.”
Whitney didn’t know if she could. She had always been in the background. “I’ll let you know something by next week.”
“Perfect.”
Whitney made it to the door before Margaret said, “You know, you’ve changed, Whitney. There is more confidence about you. And you look great. Whatever is causing it, keep doing it.”
That was because of Tanner. He’d made her feel supported, confident. Even though she’d pushed him away, he had left her that gift.
“Thanks, Margaret.”
At home that evening Whitney pulled out a piece of stationery. She was going to write that letter. After careful thought she decided that a text or email message was too impersonal. She had to show that she meant what she wrote, was making a true effort.
Dear Tanner...
She marked that out.
Tanner,
I want you to know that I’m sorry for the way I treated you. You did not deserve it. I should not have assumed the worst of you, your friends or colleagues. I should have accepted your support for what it was, just that.
Please know that in many ways you’ve helped me grow as a person, and for that I will always be grateful.
I wish you well always.
Whitney
She rubbed the moisture under her eyes as she reread the note. To the point with no emotion. Folding it perfectly, she slipped it into an envelope and addressed it to his hospital office. Not allowing herself to rethink it, she put it in the mailbox beside the front door for pickup the next day.
Now it was time to move on. The door with Tanner’s name on it was closed.
CHAPTER TEN
TANNER ONLY HAD a few minutes before he was due in surgery to read the mail his secretary had left in a stack on his desk. He picked up a letter that looked out of place. His chest tightened. Whitney’s handwriting. Why would she be writing to him? Tearing it open, he scanned the brief but sincere note.
