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As more time passed, I realized Caleb might not be coming home at all. I was just about to turn off my lights and resign myself to falling asleep when there was a knock on the outside door to my bedroom.
I jumped up. “Who is it?”
His voice was low. “It’s Caleb.”
When I opened the door, he looked tired, and his hair was a bit disheveled. He still looked handsome as ever, just a bit worn.
“Are you okay?”
He shook his head. “Not really.”
I followed my instinct and pulled him into a hug. He gripped me tightly, almost as if holding on to me for dear life. To be in his arms like this, to be held like this, was so different from the casual hugs we’d had in the past. His heart beat so fast against my cheek. The warmth of his hard muscles consumed me, and I wanted nothing more than to stay like this all night.
Even though I was afraid, I asked, “Where were you?”
He pushed away from me to look at my face. “How was your date?” There was a hint of disdain in his tone.
“It was okay.” I swallowed.
“You usually tell me your plans if you’re not going to be home.” His eyes lingered on mine for a few seconds. “But I understand why you didn’t this time.”
He does? “You do?”
After a long silence, he said, “Our relationship is complicated, isn’t it, Teagan?”
I sighed. “Why were you in my bed tonight?”
His brow lifted. “How did you know I was in your bed?”
“I can smell you all over my sheets.”
Instead of answering, Caleb climbed onto my bed and put his head on the pillow. It was too tempting not to go after him. We lay on top of the bedding, facing each other. He rested his head on his hand as he continued to look at me.
“I was worried about you tonight,” I said. “How come you didn’t answer my text?”
“I didn’t get it immediately. Then by the time I did, I figured I’d just come home.” He let out a breath that I felt on my cheeks. “You asked why I was in your bed. I needed to talk to you, and I came down to see if by some chance you’d come home early. I knew it was a long shot. When I realized you weren’t back yet, I just laid down for a while.”
“What did you need to talk to me about?”
“I was upset after talking to my mother.” He exhaled. “I don’t think I ever told you, but my dad is a recovering alcoholic. He hadn’t had a drink in over a decade.” Caleb sighed. “But he’s relapsed.”
I squeezed his hand. “Oh no. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”
“It’s not your responsibility to be at my beck and call. I just needed to talk. It was a moment, and it passed.”
“Is your mother okay?”
“She sounds like she thinks she can handle it. But I’m not so sure. She’s going to need my father’s brothers for support. If I were home, it would be different, even though she insists my coming back early won’t help.”
The pain in his eyes was transparent. Caleb blamed himself for all of this, and that killed me. It all went back to what had happened with his sister.
He played with some lint on my comforter. “Anyway...I don’t really want to get into it now. I’ve thought about it way too much already tonight, and my need to talk has passed. But that’s why I was in your bed.”
“Well, even if I shouldn’t apologize, I really am sorry I wasn’t here. I would much rather have been here tonight.”
My emotions bubbled up inside of me, and I felt my eyes start to water. That was not good. I just felt so much for him right now. Not only because of his pain, but because my being out with Jacob tonight had been so not like anything with Caleb. That scared me.
“Who was this guy, and where did he take you?” Caleb asked.
“His name is Jacob. I met him at the aquarium. He works at the gift shop. He took me out for sushi and a movie. It was nice...but there was nothing there. Pretty sure I knew that before I accepted the date. But I went anyway, because I really wanted to…get my mind off things.”
My words had backed me into a wall. I was torn between wanting to tell Caleb how I felt about him and wanting to keep it inside.
He cocked his head to the side. “Get your mind off what things?”
I took a moment to search for the words. “I feel like I can talk to you about anything…except my feelings for you. I feel stupid for letting it get to this point.”
That was too much. Now he was staring at me like he didn’t know how to respond—until he did. And his words completely shook me.
