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“You asked me where I was tonight, and the reason I hesitated to tell you is because in order to properly explain it, I have to talk about my feelings for you. And like you, it’s not easy for me to do that…because I never want to do or say anything that might change what we have, which is the kind of friendship that’s rare.”
My palms grew sweaty as he continued.
“When Shelley said you were out on a date, I got extremely jealous—and a little angry. I realize that’s ridiculous. But nevertheless, it’s hard to control your emotions. At first, I went upstairs to my room and worked out to expend some of that negative energy. But nothing was doing the trick. Then my mother called and gave me that news about my father’s relapse. That’s when I came down to see if you were home.”
While hearing he’d been jealous made my heart sing, I couldn’t fully appreciate it because I was scared of what he’d say next.
I braced myself. “And then? Where did you go?”
“I didn’t want to be alone, so I...texted this girl I work with. She’d made it clear she wanted to fuck me—no strings attached.”
His words sliced through me, and I pushed back a bit.
He fucked someone tonight?
“Teagan, all I cared about tonight was forgetting everything: my unreasonable jealousy about you, my father’s relapse and the blame I placed on myself—all of it. So I went over to that girl’s flat…hoping to…forget.”
“You don’t have to tell me the rest. I really—”
“Yes, I do,” he said. He took a deep breath. “One thing led to another. This girl was practically attacking me—ripping my clothes off, digging her nails into me—and instead of feeling turned on, I felt the opposite. I felt sick. I couldn’t even get hard. It was the most bizarre almost-sexual experience of my life.”
Almost?
“You didn’t sleep with her?”
He shook his head. “No. I just wanted to come home. And that’s what I did. I saw your text on my way back and decided that rather than answer you, I needed to see you. So here I am.”
I reached out and ran my fingers through his silky hair. It was the first time I’d ever touched it, and it was even softer and thicker than I’d imagined. Watching the way his breathing changed as I did it gave me a sense of power. This simple movement might have been the most brazen thing I’d ever done in my life.
Caleb shut his eyes, and I kept massaging his hair—until he fell asleep in my bed. And that’s where he stayed.CHAPTER EIGHTEEN* * *CALEBThe vibe between Teagan and me definitely changed after the night I spent in her bed. And I didn’t quite know how to handle it.
We hadn’t been alone since, but the one time we were both at dinner, Teagan caught me staring at her. Instead of looking away, she kept her eyes on mine and smiled. I smiled back and inwardly cursed at myself for being so damn transparent. I’d been fantasizing about what her lips would taste like all through the meal.
It had felt good to sleep next to her, though we’d never talked about it. The morning after, she’d still been sleeping when I slipped out of the bed.
Tonight would be our first study session since then. As much as I wished for a repeat—to lie next to her again—I planned to repeat my mantra instead: protecting her was more important than whatever selfish desires I had.
Good luck with that.***Later, everything seemed normal downstairs in Teagan’s room—at least, at first. There was no mention of our night together, no discussion of what it meant or whether we would do it again. Instead, we dug right into our homework. I wrote out some math formulas while Teagan studied for her physiology test.
At one point, I looked up to sneak a glance at her. And I found her already looking at me. We must stop meeting like this, Teagan. I wondered how long her eyes had been on me and not her computer.
“Are you attracted to me?” she asked.
She said it so quietly, it barely registered.
Did I hear that right? I swallowed and tried to buy myself some time. “Hmm?”
She shut her eyes, shaking her head. “Never mind.” She buried her face in her computer again, her cheeks turning red.
Fuck. How could I ignore that question? I needed to admit I’d heard it the first time.
“You asked if I was attracted to you…”
She lifted her head. “So you did hear me.”
“It just took a moment to process.”
“Or you had to think about how to let me down easy.”
Is she kidding? I hadn’t been able to focus on anything besides my attraction to her lately. “Fuck no, Teagan. You’ve got it wrong.”
Her face grew even redder. “Forget I asked. Please. It was a mistake.”
