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Maura placed her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry. I know. Your leaving is going to be tough on all of us. I really do wish there was a way you could stay.”
Lorne had run to the store with Shelley, and I’d always been tempted to open up to Maura about my past. We seemed to be home alone at the moment, so maybe now was a good time to do that. It would probably be my last chance.
Bracing myself for the emotions I knew would ensue, I said, “I don’t talk about it very often, and I assume Teagan never told you how my sister died?”
“No,” she answered, her face kind. “She would never say anything if you told her not to mention it. She’s very protective of you.”
We moved over to the couch and took seats across from each other. With my head in my hands half the time, I spent the next several minutes telling Maura about what had happened with my sister and how it related to my relationship with my father.
“This explains a lot,” she said, placing her hand on my knee. “I understand better now why you don’t want to go back home, but also why you feel you need to.”
“My entire life, I’ve felt indebted to my family for what I did.”
Maura’s eyes were moist. “I’m so sorry, Caleb. This is devastating to hear.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “Anyway, I just—I guess I’m telling you because I need you to know just how much it’s meant to feel loved and respected here.”
Maura wiped her eyes. “Nothing you told me changes how I feel about you—not in the least.”
“You sound like Teagan.”
“Well, she cares about you very much. And you care for her, too, don’t you?”
“I love her.”
Those words came out so easily, without even having to think about them. I’d felt those words trying to burst from me for a very long time.
Maura seemed stunned. But it was the truth. I had fallen in love with Teagan.
“Please don’t tell her I said that,” I added. “It will only make leaving worse. I haven’t said those words to her because as much as they’re true, I don’t feel like I’m the right person for her at this point in time. I have a lot of issues I need to work out within myself and my family. I just have too much baggage right now.”
“I’m certain she feels as strongly about you. One thing to keep in mind, when someone loves you they’ll take every part of you, baggage and all.”
I struggled with accepting her statement. “But I also feel like sometimes a person needs to respect the one they care about enough to let them go, to not bring them into their suffering. I need to work out so much before I could ever be the person Teagan deserves.” I stared out the window. “She’s so incredibly smart and special and unique in every way. Teagan needs someone with his shit together. And I’m not that person yet, Maura.”
“I really do hope things surprise you when you get home,” she said after a moment.
I knew better. Things at home would be as bad as they always had been, perhaps even worse.
“Thank you for listening,” I said.
“Anytime. And I hope you’ll come back and visit us. There will always be a place for you in this family.”***A little while later, Lorne, Maura, Shelley, and I piled into the Subaru and drove to dinner. The Harborside Restaurant downtown was as classy as you could get. There were fish tanks everywhere, and it reeked of seafood—fresh seafood, but nevertheless, it was pungent. The restaurant overlooked Boston Harbor.
I’d worn the one pair of nice trousers I owned, but still felt underdressed.
I ordered the lobster because, well, when in Rome...
Shelley, who wasn’t a big seafood lover, ordered steak while Lorne and Maura ordered the stuffed halibut.
The food hadn’t arrived yet, and I was buttering a piece of bread when I looked up and saw her standing there. She looked flushed—but beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
Teagan.
“You came!” Shelley shouted.
Teagan gave a wobbly smile. “Yeah, I couldn’t miss it.”
We looked into each other’s eyes, and I felt my heart clench. Her showing up, even though I knew it was painful for her, meant so damn much to me. Perhaps I didn’t realize how much until it happened.
Teagan took the chair next to me. It was as if we had been saving it for her, even though it was clear from the looks on everyone’s faces that no one had expected her to show.
“Nice that you could make it, honey,” Lorne said.
She looked at me. “I brought a change of clothes to the aquarium just in case I could get out in time.”
Maura flagged down the waitress to bring Teagan a menu. Just like she had when we went to dinner in the North End, she ordered the mackerel, which I thought was hysterical, because once again that was what dolphins eat.
