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He nodded his agreement. “I'll be here when you're ready. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. Good-Bye, for now, Hazel,” Alex said before he walked off in the direction of his room.
I watched him walk away. “Well, at least he has a room here again,” I said to myself.
Finally free to go to lunch, I locked my room, went down to the lobby, and left the hotel. Outside, the weather was perfect for a walk. There was a diner down the road in the opposite direction that everyone went to. It wasn't a far walk. Besides, I needed to get out of the hotel and clear my head. Alex had given me a lot to think about, and I needed my space to process it all.
I knew only time would tell if he was really sincere in his feelings or if he was going to run off again. Ugh, I hated being put in situations like this. Having to wait on someone else or trying to guess their thoughts and feelings. It always made things incredibly complicated, but despite what Alex and I had been through, there were still lingering feelings there that I couldn't ignore.
I reached the diner and walked inside. The place was pretty much empty, so the waitress seated me right away and took my order. Pregnancy makes you crave weird things, so after looking at the menu, I decided on a large stack of pancakes, a basket of French fries, and a large root beer. I couldn't think about anything else as I ate. All I knew was that I felt more hungry than usual, and I wanted to devour everything in front of me.
I finished my meal with a slice of apple pie and a glass of milk. After eating, I paid my check, left the waitress a tip, and walked back to the hotel. I felt full of food and happiness. I knew it wouldn't be long before I got sick again, so I needed to get back into my room as soon as possible. I didn't see Alex or Jay as I hurried through the lobby. That was a relief because I had so much on my mind. I wouldn't be much company to anyone right now. Besides, my thoughts were things I needed to figure out on my own.
All these worries that I was having about Alex were going to make it extremely difficult to concentrate on my book. When I got back to my room, I decided that it would be better if I put writing off for a while. I needed to focus on the bigger problems that I had going on. I paced my room as I thought. I had already made up my mind to raise the baby on my own, but Alex being back in the picture certainly changed things, didn't it?
Should I tell him about the baby or stick to my original plan? Once again, I felt torn. I was still afraid that I couldn't trust Alex. What if he left again after all the promises he made? I paced back and forth for a long time. My thoughts kept going in circles. Eventually, I realized that I was making no progress this way. I was just going to have to wait and see. Whatever was going to happen would happen. That irritated me because I didn't like waiting.
I suddenly felt exhausted. I could also feel my nausea returning. I needed to do something to take a break and relax, deciding a nice hot shower would do the trick. I was starting to dislike the way certain clothes felt on my body. Maybe it was related to my pregnancy. Instead of my usual pajamas, I chose a long tee shirt I had brought with me. I was alone in my room. Besides, it was comfortable enough to use as a nightgown, so I went with it.
The shower worked wonders. Thirty minutes later, it had relaxed me to the point where my exhaustion had turned into pure tiredness. After my shower, I dried off and slipped into my tee shirt with a yawn. I turned off the lights and crawled into bed. I tried to watch a movie on tv to get ideas for my book, but my eyes felt heavy with sleep. I tried, but I couldn't keep them open any longer.
As my head hit the pillow, the remote fell from my hand and landed gently on the floor. I dreamed of uncertainty. I dreamed I was all alone. I could hear a baby crying in my dreams while Alex moved in and out of the background. I had a fitful sleep and awoke the next morning feeling confused and cranky.Chapter Fourteen - AlexIt had been about two weeks since my return, and I had only spoken to Hazel that one time when I got back. I still saw her every day at group activities or passing her when we were walking in the lobby. I was doing my best to honor her request and give her the space that she needed to make her decision. I had to keep my promise to her and prove that I was actually here to stay this time.
